


The Angst War

by DarkJediQueen, Rivermoon1970



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), James Bond (Craig movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Addiction, Adoption, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Cheating, Child Abuse, Child Death, Chronic Illness, Cutting, Dark, Drug Use, Emotional, HIV/AIDS, Heartbreak, Impinting, Imprint gone wrong, M/M, Maeve Lived, Major Illness, Mpreg, Murder, No happy endings, Non Consensual Bonding, One Sided Bonding, Other, Past Drug Use, Physical Abuse, Pining, Rape, Rejection, Seizures, Self-Harm, Sentinel/Guide, Sick Child, Slight underage, Sociopath!Hotc, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicide, Tears, anger issues, broken bonds, canon-divergence, child molestation, child rape, consensual sexual slavery, priest!Hotch, psychotic breaks, revenge killings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 11:18:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 46
Words: 78,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7682452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkJediQueen/pseuds/DarkJediQueen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivermoon1970/pseuds/Rivermoon1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of short fics that are pure angst driven stories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Aaron and Bruce by rivermoon1970

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [DarkJediQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkJediQueen/pseuds/DarkJediQueen) in the [profilers_anon](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/profilers_anon) collection. 



> Please no ship shaming  
> No expectation of more. It's possible, but not likely please don't ask.  
> These are ficlets exploring different characters and how they deal with death, pain and angst.  
> This will not be updated all the time, just when we are feeling particularly angst, or bloodthirsty.  
> All ficlets are unbeta'd. No non-consensual beta please.

The room was filled with their friends and family. Everyone was dressed in black, the mood somber and quiet. The man stood at the back of the room, his power barely contained as he looked ahead of him towards the center if the room. Flowers were everywhere, a touch of beauty on a very ugly day.  
  
The man started forward. His whole body was shaking on the inside as he taped down on his feelings. He walked slow, steady and with purpose. When he got to the front of the room he laid a hand on the casket in front of him.  
  
“Damn you Bruce. This should have been so different. I should have walking towards you, to make those vows that we were so ready to make. Your damned experiments…” the man's legs started to buckle and Steve and Bucky were on either side keeping him from falling.  
  
Aaron couldn't contain his power any more as he turned to marble. It matched the headstone that had been picked out as he gripped the side of the casket, not letting his friends pull him away.  
  
“You made me love again. I can't do this Bruce.” He finally buckled under the weight of his power and his grief. His sobs everyone felt like a living thing and no one knew what to do.


	2. Aaron and Spencer by DarkJediQueen

David Rossi stood and looked at the strong man who didn't seem so strong at the moment. He was wearing black. He never wore black. Even though it went against the wishes, he'd worn black. Garcia, Prentiss, and JJ were all in purple. The woman who Dave had been introduced to as Greenaway was in red. Morgan was in white. Even Dave himself had dressed in pale blue. But he was in all black. Black suit, black tie, black shirt, black socks, black shoes. It hurt to see him.   
  
There were two coffins at the front of the room and for all of people who had already left, it was the second, smaller one who garnered the most emotion. But for those that still remained it was neck and neck which one gave them the most grief. At the moment for the man in black, Dave was sure that it was the bigger one. He'd been at the back, paying his respect to those that were leaving. Now it was family only, where he could finally let go.  
  
The man in black walked up the aisle, staring at the bigger of the two caskets. Morgan was there just off to the side ready to do whatever was needed. As he reached the casket, his hand wavered to open it up. He stopped though and just touched the spot where his face would be.  
  
"This isn't what I meant when I said I wanted to walk down the aisle to you."  
  
Dave felt the tears he'd been able to hold in the entire day start to fall.  
  
Aaron Hotchner was a strong man who had finally been bent so much that he broke. The death of his lover and his son at the hands of George Foyet had broken him. He fell to his knees and started to cry. Dave wasn't sure that he was going to come back from this. That Aaron was going to live past finding Foyet. He'd hang on long enough to kill the man and then he'd waste away. Aaron was too proud to kill himself outright but he'd die all the same.  
  
According to the report, Reid's face had been disfigured from the blast of the forty four that Foyet had shot before resorting to the knife that he'd used to make the fatal blows to both him and Jack. After getting back from Canada, Reid had gone ahead home to relieve Jessica while Aaron had gone into the office to finish up and file the team's paperwork so they could enjoy a long weekend without having to come in. The call that had come in pushing them onto a case hadn't been that odd. What had been odd was the fact that they hadn't been able to get ahold of Aaron or Reid at all. Then Prentiss had gone to Aaron's house where blood had been everywhere. Garcia had found them where they had all been dropped in Aaron's car outside the closest hospital. Reid and Jack hadn't made it off the operating tables while Aaron had only suffered minor head wounds from being knocked out after finding the bodies of Reid and Jack displayed for him.  
  
To the rest of the FBI, Reid had moved in with Aaron to help him in the aftermath of Haley's death. Jack had been young and Aaron needed a hand. To the team they knew that Reid had spent so much time with Aaron that they had fallen in love. Dave hadn't known that some sort of wedding or at least an exchange of rings had been something they had talked about.  
  
When Aaron started to sob so hard that it sounded like he was choking himself, Morgan stepped up and wrapped an arm around his waist, lifting him up. Prentiss moved to the other side as Morgan turned them to leave.


	3. Remy, Aaron and Spencer by rivermoon1970

Remy stood at the back of the room never more grateful as he was in that moment for the color of his eyes. His focus was straight ahead. He didn’t want to look to either side of the room as he gently gripped the hand of the little boy next to him. He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to make that walk down towards the front but he knew it was expected of him. He was holding onto his charm so hard that it almost hurt. But he promised himself that he wasn’t going to let go, especially not in front of these people. He took a deep breath as he slowly walked towards the front of the room, the boy somber next to him.  
  
He was clad all in black, even the coat he had wrapped around him was black.  
  
“Rem, you don’t have to do this.” The man behind him rumbled low in his throat. The only one to have stood by him in recent times.  
  
“Ya, I do Logan.” No smart comebacks, no jokes, no crazy antics. It wasn’t the time or the place for it. He let his eyes slide to the left of the room, the people who had taken him in, accepted him for who and what he was. He could feel that they wanted to go to him but he just shook his head and they sat back down and waited.  
  
He didn’t spare a glance for those on the right of the room. He still felt so angry and betrayed by them. People he had thought were friends, family even, turned on him for a past that he had tried so hard to make-up for. They weren’t here for him, they were here for the man in one of the caskets at the front of the room. Closing his eyes to center himself once more he opened them and started forward. The boy following once again.  
  
Every step was like a knife burying itself deeper and deeper inside him. When he finally made it to the front, he told the boy to go sit near JJ. When he was gone from Remy’s side that was when he finally let himself feel everything he had been burying.  
  
Remy had been put on trial, memories ripped from him and his greatest regret laid bare. When he came home and the X-men threw him out he was angry and shattered. All he wanted to do was go to the one person that had never left him, that loved him no matter what happened in his life, Aaron Hotchner had always been there for him. He then laid a hand on the other casket and he shattered yet again. Spencer had been a surprise to him. There he stood, the love of his life on one side and their lover on the other, tears slid down his face as the heart he supposedly didn’t have broke into a million pieces.  
  
When he got to DC he hadn’t heard. As he let himself in the house he shared with the agent and his son, Jessica, Aaron’s sister-in-law was there. She told him it was a bomb. Aaron and the BAU team had gone to New York on a possible case of terrorism. Spencer wasn’t even supposed to go with Aaron, it was a switch at the last minute. The trigger had been the car alarm. Aaron had been blown into the street, he was bleeding out and Spencer crawled to get to him. His legs had been severely damaged in the blast.  
  
Remy had stormed into the BAU and demanded answers. Morgan had told him the rest of the story. Spencer had tried to keep Aaron alive, his long nimble fingers holding onto vital arteries in his back that had been severed. He was calling for help, begging, but none of the first responders would come. It was the BAU’s own protocols that held them back. By the time the threat had been assessed and they were allowed to go help both men had died. What was discovered was that a piece of glass from the window behind Spencer had imbedded itself in his thigh. He had bleed out while trying to keep Aaron alive.  
  
“I know we were never gonna have de wedding you wanted Aaron not with Spencer…” The tears fell as his knees buckled, his hands still on the two caskets. “I don’ know what to do. You were my heart. I have nothing now. How do I care fo’ de boy? Dammit Aaron, de boy needs his Papa.” His voice lowered as he looked down at the ground. “I need you, I need you both.” He wrapped his arms around his waist and doubled over. He could no longer hold onto those bottled up feelings and the force of emotion that burst from him his everyone in the room. He didn’t care who was there as he let out a sob that broke everyone that.  
  
When he felt strong, familiar arms come around him he looked up and frowned.  
  
“Papa?” The word came out broken as tears fell even harder.  
  
“Oui, mon fils,” Jean-Luc Lebeau kneeled next to his son and pulled him close letting the man break apart in his arms. After a few moments he pulled Remy up on shaky legs. “Come home mon petite. Bring de bebe.”  
  
Remy couldn’t speak as he was led away.


	4. Aaron and Spencer by DarkJediQueen

There was little that could be done. What had come and gone couldn't be changed and Spencer didn't even know how he could change it. He looked at the man in front of him. There was nothing left of the man that he had known. There was nothing left of the man that he had loved. Instead there was just this almost inhuman man who looked like Aaron Hotchner.  
  
It had started a year before when the thirteen serial killers had escaped and the DOJ had messed with their ability to track them, fearing Aaron. Their hands had been tied and they had been subjected to so much oversight that in the end, when the dust had settled there had been too many dead. The premiere BAU team was left in ruins after the capture of the last killer had been done. The capture had taken place in Spencer's apartment, after he and Jack had been taken captive by The Fox.  
  
When the rest of the team had arrived, Spencer had already taken three shots to his body. One to his chest, one to his thigh and the last had shattered his ankle. But Jack, Jack had tried to help him and The Fox had slit his throat. Spencer had watched as the boy he'd come to love as his own bled out in front of him. He had no recollection of the moments that came after. When Morgan had kicked in the bedroom door, Spencer was cradling Jack's lifeless body and The Fox was knocked unconscious from a pistol whipping.  
  
But as much as it had hurt, as much as it had damaged him, it was nothing compared to what Aaron had gone through. Aaron blamed himself while Spencer laid blame at the feet of the men and women who had decided that the BAU couldn't find the killers alone. It had left them jumping when they said jump and it was what had allowed The Fox to stay hidden as long as he had and for him to get his hands on Spencer and Jack. Because the men and women who were calling the shots didn't see that The Fox would go after the BAU and their families. Aaron had spent weeks trying to get details for Jack, Will, Henry, Joy and her family, as well as Morgan and his.  
  
And because the people above them didn't have their backs Derek Morgan, Savannah Morgan, Hank Spencer Morgan, and Jack Hotchner were dead. And Aaron Hotchner? Aaron was now dead by Spencer's hand because the man had gone on a killing spree and had killed thirteen high ranking officials in the FBI before he'd tried to kill another and Spencer had caught him. Spencer had been off desk duty for a week when he'd figured out Aaron's plan and had cut him off.  
  
What he hadn't expected was that Aaron would actually shoot him. He'd only shot to wound, right in the same place that he'd been shot in by The Fox. But Spencer had still protected John and Aaron had been forced to actually enter the house instead of snipe. And he hadn't back down and when he'd pulled his backup gun, Spencer shot him in the head. In the same spot that he'd shot Phillip Dowd what felt like seven lifetimes ago.


	5. Spencer and Aaron by rivermoon1970

Aaron hand his hand firmly around Jack’s. They were exploring the little village that had been hidden away in the Alps. This was their second year in exploring the world. After his wife was killed, Aaron couldn’t take being in the Bureau anymore. He needed to reconnect with himself and to build a better relationship with his son. They had just finished a quick breakfast and were perusing the shops, Jack, now six, always got to pick a unique toy wherever they went, as well as any books translated in English but unique to the area. Aaron, though, knew their adventure was going to be coming to an end. He wanted, no needed to rejoin the real world, he just wasn’t sure what he wanted to do.  
  
They were headed back to their hotel when they were stopped dead in their tracks by someone standing in their path. Aaron thought he knew who it was and as he slowly approached, his heart was in his throat.  
  
“Spencer. What are you doing here? How did you find me?”  
  
Aaron tried to stay calm as he watched the younger man, a look...it couldn’t be….Aaron had seen that look one too many times. It was that look that got his wife killed, that almost got Jack killed. He swallowed again and tried to stay calm, tried to fall back on that persona he thought he had shed so long ago.  
  
“Wasn’t hard to find you. Just track your spending.”  
  
“Spencer, what’s wrong?”  
  
The gun was quickly pointed at him and Aaron again tried to keep still, keep calm.  
  
“It’s your fault. All your fault.”  
  
“Spencer, I haven’t been in the US for two years.”  
  
“You left us. We were better WITH you. You’re just like Gideon. Not a word, nothing. Now, nothing left.”  
  
Aaron’s heart was hammering in his chest because he didn’t know what Spencer was talking about. He hadn’t kept up with what was happening in the Bureau so he didn’t understand what Spencer was rambling about. Unfortunately the path they were on was rarely used, most people came into the town from the opposite direction and on bikes or the rare car. He’d be lucky if someone ventured this far.  
  
“John Curtis, do you remember him Hotch? Do You?” Spencer stood there almost shaking.  
  
“Vague memory Spencer. What’s happened?”  
  
“Dave, JJ and Will, Derek, Alex, Max, Strauss, gone dead, all of them. You, you should have been there Aaron. You would have kept us together, kept us going but no..no.. you’re here having a VACATION. Your best friend is DEAD and you’re here.” Tears were streaming down his face as he held the gun level and pointed at Aaron’s head.  
  
“Spencer, whatever’s happened, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but you can’t know…”  
  
“YES! Yes I can know. I can know Aaron. You, you would have saved her, I know it. Just, just like Georgia, like you save me, you would have saved her. But, she’s gone to, just like all the others.”  
  
Aaron’s breath hitched and tears formed in his eyes as he stood there, unarmed, with a very smart delusional man in front of him. A man he had once considered a friend, and almost, almost considered more than a friend.  
  
“Spencer please, put the gun down. We can talk about this.”  
  
“No, no, no remember I know all your tricks. You taught them to me, you taught me well Aaron. And you forget, that I never do. You left us. We were broken and you walked away.”  
  
“Please, Spencer whatever you’re going to do, don’t do it in front of Jack. Please.”  
  
Spencer looked down at the boy, his eyes glazed over for just a moment, then looked up at Aaron once more.  
  
“Go hide Jack.” The little boy looked up at his father who just nodded. Jack looked around and ran to an outcropping that he could crawl into.  
  
Spencer waited till the boy was out of earshot before he took the few steps towards Aaron. He reached out and wiped the tears from Aaron’s face and leaned in, kissing him.  
  
“Please don’t Spencer.”  
  
The gun was pressing into Aaron’s stomach and the tension between them was mounting. Between on long breath and the next Aaron struck, trying to get the gun away from Spencer. But, the younger man had been training, working out with Morgan, Aaron assumed. It wasn’t as easy as it should have been. Then, the gun went off……  
  
Spencer walked to where he stashed a bag.  
  
Changed his shirt, stuffed the bloody on in the bag.  
  
He then went and found Jack.  
  
The boy was in shock, eyes glazed, no sound coming from him.  
  
Spencer picked him up and walked away…….


	6. Aaron and Spencer by DarkJediQueen

There wasn't a single way to look at the scene in front of him and not know that it was a suicide. The apartment was totally boxed up. Each box had wrote on it was inside of it and who or where it was to go to. Doctor Who things to Garcia. Some books to Prentiss, some to JJ. A box of things for Henry. Three boxes of things for Jack. A few boxes for Dave. The sound system to Morgan.

The couch was gone as was every other piece of furniture in the living room and bedroom. The clothes were gone too, except for the suit that was hanging on the bathroom door, a note on it that he was to be cremated in it. 

A sealed letter was on the kitchen counter with a note that Morgan be the one to deliver it and tell his mother everything. Beside it was his will. Typed out and notarized with a clear detailing of where his money was to go. A trust that Dave was to oversee for his mother's care, a trust fund for Henry and Jack that JJ and Will were to oversee to make sure they got into good colleges. That if Cal-Tech was either of their choices, he'd already made arrangements. 

The only things left in the bathroom were cleaning supplies. Well the only thing besides the body.

"Hotch, there's a box with no listing of what's inside but it has your name on it. And his safe has your name on it."

Aaron turned to move towards where Morgan was in the living room. There was a box beside the gun safe and Aaron opened the safe first. Inside was a gun, the wallet with his credentials, and his regular wallet. Aaron shut it and opened the box. There was a single note inside of it. 

_This is not Pandora's Box because like me there is no hope left inside._

"What's in the box?"

"It's personal."

"Hotch, he left no note. There's nothing. We've all looked through the boxes and outside of opening the letter for his mother, we have no idea why Reid..."

"It's personal Morgan." Aaron tried to shut the box but Morgan strong armed him out of the way. Morgan looked down and read the note that was at the bottom. 

"What the hell does that mean?" Morgan asked.

"Derek," JJ called out from where she was just inside the bedroom door. 

Morgan turned to her and so did Aaron. There in her hands was a note. 

"What does it say?" Morgan demanded to know.

"'I lived for love and now I die for the loss of it.'" 

Aaron ran from the apartment and he didn't even try and get into his car. He just took off down the street. He kind of expected Morgan to be there, to stop him, to demand that he explain what the hell was going on. Aaron wasn't sure that he could ever explain it. He pulled his phone up and dialed.

"Matteo, when you took over for Strauss, there should have been a offer of retirement that was open ended. After the death of my wife, she left it in there for when it all became too much. I'll sign it in the morning."

"Aaron..."

"No. No. I gave him up because you and those above you were going to ruin us. Me forced into a desk job and him stuck at the academy. Well, don't worry. The Bureau won't have to worry about us anymore. I'll be in to clear out Reid's desk and mine tomorrow as well."

"Reid's quitting?"

"No, Matteo. He killed himself. Because I did what was asked and told him that my job was more important. That I didn't love him enough to want to give it up. And now I have to go home and tell my son that he's lost another parent. I have to live knowing that the two people I've loved in my life died and it's my fault. I couldn't protect either one of them. So have what I need ready before I get there because it's the only time I am stepping into that building for the rest of my life."


	7. Aaron and Jason by rivermoon1970

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again: No ship shaming. Thank you.

Aaron waited till everyone was gone, he wanted to be alone. He stood at the end of the grave and his heart, what was left of it, was breaking into a million pieces. No one had known about them, and he tried to respect his lover’s wishes. A part of him hadn’t wanted anyone to know either. Not because he was ashamed, far from it, but there was just something about the peace of secrecy. He sank to his knees and let the tears flow.

“I told you to wait Jason. Why? Why couldn’t you just wait? I’m so fucking angry at you. You left me, again. This time though? No reconciliation, no late night phone calls, no weekends together. Dammit, you weren’t supposed to do this to me.” Aaron bowed his head as the wetness didn’t stop. Nothing could stop the tears and the pain. He had held it together, from the initial phone call, to notifying the team. He let Reid have this one, let him be the focal point, he felt it was only right.

Aaron didn’t know how long he sat there looking down into the grave and he probably would have sat there all night if he hadn’t felt a hand on his shoulder and someone sitting next to him. It didn’t take much to know that it was Reid.

“Hotch? Rossi was worried about you. I said I would come look for you. Everyone is concerned because you didn’t show up at dinner. What’s going on Hotch?”

Aaron looked up at Reid and knew what he must look like. Reid frowned slightly at him and lifted a hand and wiped away the tears that kept coming.

“Aaron.” He knew Spencer didn’t know what was going on and for him to use his first name he had to look worse than he thought. “I...I know we haven’t been as close as we used to be, but I’d like to think you could tell me anything.”

“Reid,” his voice hitched and it would take the littlest thing to break him completely apart.

“Aaron, you don’t have to be strong anymore.” Reid closed his eyes and blew out a breath to settle himself.

“Jason...we...we had a relationship. We were together.”

Reid couldn’t keep the shock off his face and if it was any other time Aaron would have laughed. But this wasn’t any other time, his partner, his lover, was dead.

“How long?”

“Please, if I tell you, I don’t think I can handle your anger Reid. Not today, please.” Fresh tears rolled down his face as he wrapped his arms around his waist and tried to hold himself together.

Reid sucked in a breath and knew one thing, Aaron had loved Jason fiercely. Seeing his friend, his Unit Chief breaking apart, again, at the loss of another loved one Reid felt horrible for the thoughts racing through his head.

“I promise Hotch. I won’t get angry.”

Aaron took a shaky breath and wiped a hand down his face. He took off his black trench coat and folded it behind him to sit on.

“It was a couple of days after Haley’s funeral. He showed-up at my apartment. At first I wanted to throw him out, but he wanted to talk. Jack was with Jess while I got things at the house taken care of. I just, I finally let myself feel it all and...he was there to catch me. We ah...we…had sex that night.

“He had moved back in at the cabin, and Jack and I started to spend weekends there. I tried to get him to call you, send you a letter, something, but he just wouldn’t. I don’t know why, there were some things Jason just didn’t want to talk about.

“It was the one place I didn’t have to be Hotch. I could be more myself than I ever had been. And he expected nothing. He took care of me Spencer, and he understood the job.”

“You loved him.”

“God yes.”

“What about Jack?”

“He’s angry and so sad. He loved Jason. They had an odd relationship, but it worked for them.” Aaron’s breath hitched and tried not to feel embarrassed being so exposed in front of Reid.

“I’m sorry Aaron. What can I do?”

Aaron looked down at the grave and closed his eyes, trying not to feel so much. He just needed some time. Time to try to piece himself back together.

“Just, sit with me?”

Spencer gave him a crooked smile and folded his long frame down next to him.

“Always.”  The two friends sat in silence with their own memories of Jason Gideon.


	8. Spencer and the Adoption by DarkJediQueen

Spencer looked down at his son as he slept in his bed. Life wasn't anything like he thought it was going to turn out. He rolled over in the bed and Spencer knew that he needed to stop it. He needed to just step away and shut the door. The vibration of his cell phone was the thing that finally pulled him away. 

Stepping into the kitchen, Spencer pulled the phone out and sighed at the caller ID. He silenced the call and set the phone down. 

The legal adoption had gone through three years ago. He'd never thought that he'd have a kid but the circumstances that had preceded it had given him no other option.

The knock on his door twenty minutes later wasn't a surprise either. He ignored it though. There were no lights on in the house and the person at the door wasn't going to ring the bell on the chance that they woke up the entire house. 

"Sweetie?" Jessica called from where she came down the stairs beside the kitchen. Spencer turned to her and smiled. She had grabbed one of his sweater to throw on to combat the chill in the air.

"It's Rossi, again. We'll go to the diner so that we don't wake Jack."

"Did Aaron call again?"

"He just tried. I figure when he didn't get me that he called Rossi."

"You don't have to do this."

"I know. Just go back to sleep. I'll set the alarm." Spencer stepped up to Jessica and kissed her forehead. She leaned into him. It hadn't been something that he'd planned. He really hadn't. 

"I won't be able to sleep until you come home."

"Try."

Spencer moved to the back door and went out it. Setting the alarm as he did. He watched Jessica move up the stairs before he moved to the front of the house. Rossi was still on the porch, waiting.

"Meet me at the diner three blocks over. We are not talking here." Spencer went right for his car in the driveway. He didn't even give Rossi time to say anything before he was in the car and backing down the driveway. The diner that was close to the house was open twenty four hours a day and it was a big spot for night shift cops to stop in and get coffee refills. Spencer was seated in the back with a good view of the door by the time that Rossi entered. 

"Kid..."

"Rossi, it's Jack's choice. It's no one else's and he's not talked to Jessica or I over what reasons he had for the choice that he made. Jack has agreed to write him in six months and he knows that. I will not force Jack to talk to Hotch if he doesn't want to."

"He misses him."

"He should have thought about that before he broke Jack's arm." Spencer looked down at his coffee. The images in mind would never go away. After Haley had been killed, Jack's family fully became the team. Everyone knew that Hotch was having issues but none of them had seen how bad. Then Jack had shown up on Spencer's doorstep late in the night a little over a year after Haley had died. The horrible thoughts of what could have happened to the five year old boy as he'd walked the seventeen blocks from his apartment that he had shared with his father to Spencer's.

The first words out of his mouth had been, "Daddy needs help."

Spencer had thought that something had happened to Hotch so he'd texted Rossi and had him go and check on Hotch. Then Spencer had ushered Jack in but the boy wouldn't move. The next words still woke Spencer up from a dead sleep with sweat broke out on his body.

"I need to go to the hospital, Daddy hurt my arm." 

Spencer hadn't even thought anything of grabbing his badge and his gun and getting Jack into the car. He knew where Jessica lived and he knew that she had power of attorney over medical care for Jack in case things happened when Hotch was on a case. So he'd left Jack in the car and went up to Jessica's apartment to get her. She'd grabbed what they needed and instead of going to the closest hospital, Spencer drove to one that had a few doctors that he knew. Jessica had sat in the back with him and figured out that not only had Hotch hurt him that Jack's arm was broke in at least one place and had handprints bruised into his skin. 

The doctors had easily taken the paperwork that Jessica had given them, Spencer's badge, and after a check of handprint to bruise shape test, had allowed Jack to worked in under a false name. Jessica had stayed with Jack and Spencer had tried to figure out exactly what had happened. When he'd left the room to check his phone he found that Rossi had found Hotch passed out drunk in his living room and Jack was presumably with Jessica. Spencer had asked him if he confirmed and all that Rossi had answered was the boy wasn't home so he assumed that with Hotch drinking that the boy was with Jessica. Spencer's next called had been to CPS and his own lawyer. Who hadn't liked being disturbed at home but once Spencer had explained, it wasn't hard to get the name of a damned good family lawyer in the DC area that would make sure that the case was taken care of. 

Twelve hours later, Jack was released from the hospital with a cast on his arm and Jessica with temporary custody. The CPS agent had gone straight to Hotch's apartment, woke him from his sleep and when he'd been unable to tell her where his son was, she hadn't been happy. Once the hospital and the cops had been added to it all, Hotch had been arrested for child abuse, endangerment, and a slew of other charges. 

The next few months of court visits and everything had been the worst on Jack and Jack liked Spencer so he spent as much time with him as he could. The relationship with Jessica had come out of nowhere. He'd been there for her as well as Jack and it had just surprised them. The team hadn't been happy when Spencer had revealed to them that he was dating Jessica and it had all gone down hill from there. It had been the icing on the cake it seemed. His work life had imploded at that point and he'd ended up moving to White Collar Crimes. The paper trails made him happy and it was a more stable life, which at that point was better for Jessica and for Jack. 

Rights hadn't been severed until averted after Hotch had got out of jail two years later and Spencer had picked up Jack after his first unsupervised visit and Jack was sullen. The boy had admitted that he'd seen his Dad drink what he thought smelled like the stuff from before meaning alcohol. So Spencer had turned the car around and found Hitch leaving. He'd called Will and had a cop on the scene. As soon as Hotch had messed up, the cop pulled him over. He blew three times the legal limit and given only fifteen minutes had passed, it was easy to figure out that he had been drinking around Jack. That broke his parole and back in he went. The courts severed his rights and Jessica had full custody. Two days after Spencer and Jessica married, Spencer adopted Jack. Jack had been all for it and had been happy to start calling Spencer Papa. He still called Jessica Aunt and after a detailed discussion, between the three of them they kept it that way. 

"Reid, he wants to see his son."

"And his son doesn't want to see him. Rossi, the only people that can force Jack to see him are me and Jessica and we aren't going to. Hotch already has a TOR and it can get turned un-temporary as quick as lightning. Him calling all the time will not help the situation. He and Jack got into a fight and he turned to drinking again. Losing Jack didn't snap him out of his drinking. I don't know what else will but I will not sacrifice Jack's happiness to make Hotch happy. Jack wants to forgive him. Wants to love him. Hotch needs to man up and actually change. Jack's ten now Rossi and he's smart. He knows that his father has an addiction and I've not kept my own from him. Jack went to my last NA meeting with me. He calls me Papa. Not Dad. Dad will always be Hotch and when Hotch is better and puts Jack first, we can see about visitation."


	9. The Worst Fear Come True by rivermoon1970

Peter Lewis lay dead at his feet and Aaron couldn't say for certain whether it was self-defence or not. When Spencer had been ambushed in their home, with Aaron still at work, the pain and guilt ate at him as he looked at his unconscious lover. Grabbing his phone he dialed with shaking fingers and practically yelled, officer down and called for an ambulance.

When they got to the hospital Spencer still hadn't regained consciousness. Aaron was told to wait outside the curtained off bed. His heart was pounding and his own memories of that night Lewis had gotten to him came back full force. He didn’t know what, or how much Spencer had been given. He didn’t know what he saw and it was killing him waiting to find out.

He was mid-pace when he heard the bloodcurdling scream coming from the direction of the bed Spencer was in. He ran in there and saw his lover struggling with the doctors, shouting that they were all dead. 

“ _ Aaron….Aaron…..AARON….”  _ Spencer kept screaming over and over again. Aaron rushed to him and touched his face, wiped away the tears and tried to calm him down. All Spencer did was close his eyes tight. “ _ Not real...not real...NOT REAL  dead….dead..dead dead dead dead…”  _ One of the doctors injected him with something to calm him immediately and Spencer fell back on the bed, eyes glazed over.

Aaron had to step away as he wiped his face with his shaking hand.

“Mr. Hotchner?”

“Yes?” He couldn’t help the broken sound to his voice as he turned to the doctor.

“I have the information that you gave to the EMT’s about the compound Dr. Reid was exposed to, but, when we ran his blood we found another drug in his system as well.” Aaron’s mouth went dry and his hands shook even more. He had a knot in the pit of his stomach.

“Wh-what?” Somehow he  _ knew _ before the doctor even said anything.

“We found a high dose of Dilauded. I hated sedating him, but it was the only way. I’m moving him to our detox unit, then...well, then I’m advising a psych evaluation.”

All Aaron could do was nod his head.

“You’re welcome to stay, but if he gets upset or agitated…”

“I understand.” 

The doctor patted him on the shoulder and made arrangements to move Spencer. Later, when they were settled Aaron sat in the chair, holding Spencer’s hand, praying that he would be okay.

Unfortunately, Spencer wasn’t. The combination of the drugs and the airborne compound caused Spencer’s absolute worst fear to come true. Even though he was past the age where schizophrenia would present itself, the doctors explained that trauma and the drugs he was subjected to, along with the hallucinations caused Spencer to have late-onset paranoid schizophrenia.

Aaron had a lot of decisions to make having Spencer’s medical power of attorney. He resigned from the bureau under protests of his team. They wanted him to stay, they all would pitch in to help, but Aaron knew what Spencer would want. He made the arrangements and moved Spencer, Jack and himself to Las Vegas. He checked Spencer into Bennington thinking that being near his mother might help. 

Jack was subdued and upset for much of that year. But with counseling he was slowly getting better. He went with his father everyday to spend time with his Papa. There were mostly good days for the many years, but after Diana Reid passed, Spencer retreated inside himself even more. Jack watched as his Papa started to fade. Each year that went by he not only watched his Papa losing the fight of sanity, he watched as his father fought his own battle of heartbreak.

Aaron visited Spencer everyday. On good days they held hands, cuddled and Aaron read to Spencer. On really good days they would make love and Aaron would hold on a little too tight. But it was the bad days, which were coming far too often, the days Spencer thought Aaron was dead, the days he would yell and scream until the Doctors sedated him, those were the worst.

Everyday after his visits he came home to the small apartment he had taken near Bennington so he could be close. He watched the love of his life lose a little more of himself everyday and everynight Aaron curled up in his bed and died a little more inside.


	10. The Almost Wedding by DarkJediQueen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Authored by: DarkJediQueen

It wasn't a church wedding. Between the two of them, it had never been in the cards. And as much as Aaron had wanted to be married at Rossi's, he understood Spencer wanting it somewhere else. So they booked a little piece of land that was used for weddings all the time. It had a reception hall and everything. It was six months of planning. Jack as the ring bearer and Henry as the flower boy. There had been a brief fight between the boys on who got to do which job. But in the end they agreed that since the ring bearer went to Aaron's side and the flower boy to Spencer's it was better to have Jack as ring bearer and Henry as flower boy. There wasn't a lot of stress once everyone learned that Spencer was going to plan the wedding that he and Aaron wanted not the one that everyone wanted them to have. 

In the end, Aaron wanted to know why he hadn't realized it. Why he hadn't seen it. He stood up at the alter and waited. And waited. And waited. After twenty minutes, Morgan stepped up to the door and shook his head. Spencer had never even shown up at the ceremony hall. Every single call to his phone went unanswered and at the end of the day, Aaron went home to his house with Jack and a massive broken heart. He didn't find a note anywhere. Spencer's part of the bathroom looked like he got ready in a hurry. Like he was going to be late to the wedding. The ring case was gone and so wasn't his bag that was packed for the honeymoon. There was no evidence that he was pulling a runner.

"Dad, where's Spencer?" Jack asked as he was getting ready for bed.

"I don't..." Aaron stopped when his cell phone rang. He looked at it. It was number he didn't recognize but the area code told him it was DC area. "Hello?"

"Is this Aaron Hotchner?" a female voice on the other end of the line asked.

"Yes."

"Mr. Hotchner, this is Sergeant O'Mara with the MPD. Can you-"

"Is he alive?" Aaron asked and regretted it as Jack shot up in bed.

"Mr. Hotchner, we need to have an ID done. The country coroner-"

"I'm Agent Hotchner with the FBI. Doctor Reid is an agent as well. If his body is still at sight, I'd rather do an ID there."

"Dad?"

"Yes Sir." The Sergeant listed the address and Aaron didn't even hesitate to bring Jack with him. He texted Dave and Morgan to meet him at the address but didn't tell them why. He arrived at the same time as them. Over the embankment there he could see cops crawling all over. He handed Jack off to Dave and asked Morgan to come with him. 

"Aaron?"

"Just stay, Dave. Please."

Aaron walked to where a cop was waiting and he saw the backend of Spencer's car. Not the Amazon which was in the garage at the house they shared but the newer car that Aaron had talked him into buying. 

"We have the footage and the BOLO is out on the other driver. It was a hit and run."

"Where?" Aaron asked and he heard the intake of breath from Morgan as he took in the scene. Aaron was silent as he lead over to where the body bag was. He wanted it to be a joke. That someone had carjacked him but the evidence bag on top of the body bag, the ring case visible in it. His knees tried to give out. Morgan grabbed him and the coroner opened the bag. The gash on the forehead was gruesome and bloody but it didn't mask what he knew. It was Spencer. Dressed in the suit that they had picked out for him to wear. 

"COD?"

The coroner opened the bag more and there was three inch round tree branch sticking out of his chest.

"He didn't suffer, if it's any consolation. Death was near instantaneous. Sergeant said you were a co-worker?"

"And fiancé. They were set to be married today," Morgan said. Morgan's voice was rough. "He missed their wedding and we thought he was standing Hotch up."

It wasn't even a drunk driver in the end. It had been a mom on her way to get her kids from her mother's because her mother wouldn't stop calling. She'd been on the phone while going around a turn and broadsided Spencer. Aaron hadn't cared. He'd seen her prosecuted to the highest that she could have been. He and Jack had gone to Vegas to tell Diana and he wasn't shocked that before he left, she'd killed herself. William Reid hadn't even called him back when he'd called and notified him. The funeral was small, mainly filled with other agents and even a few victims that Spencer had connected with. The funeral was held weeks after the death as Aaron hadn't been able to fully say goodbye. The cremation had happened in the normal time but the ashes has just sat on his bedside after. 

Afterwards, Aaron couldn't even spread his ashes like Spencer had wanted. He wore his own wedding band on his finger and Jack wanted to wear Spencer's so he did on a chain around his neck. 

And for the rest of Aaron's life, he regretted that Spencer's body had been slowly cooling after death, he'd hated him for standing him up at the alter.


	11. The Game by rivermoon1970

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron/Spencer crossover with Highlander

Aaron was standing on the precipice looking out at the raging sea. The storm that was around him matched the storm going on in his own heart. When he had gotten home from the last case and Spencer hadn’t been there it worried him. He had left the office earlier than him, wanting to write Jack a letter for his first semester of college. When he had gotten home and the lights were off and Spencer’s car wasn’t there he tried not to panic. Pulling his phone out he tracked his car to a secluded lot in DC. When he approached, he knew. 

Spencer’s body was there, his head taken off and a message just for him, ‘you’re next’. Aaron knew who it was, but he couldn’t muster up enough anger at the time as he sank to his knees and pulled his lover’s lifeless body into his arms. The pain was like nothing he had ever felt in his long life. He and Spencer had been together for centuries. Fighting together, loving each other and dropping out of the Game that some cruel hand of fate decided that a few special people should participate in. 

His thoughts wandered back to those early days after they had found each other, lying entwined in each other’s arms after making love. Basking in the newness of their emotions. He pictured Spencer by the sea, stretched out on a blanket, eyes closed and a smile on his face. Aaron approaching after taking a swim in the cold North Atlantic seas, dropping down and kissing his lover, his heart full. 

He thought of Spencer in their cabin curled on a chair, reading. He had taught Aaron to read and to write on those long winter nights when they were snowed in, cuddled under blankets, the glow of the fire framing the beautiful face he loved more than anything.

Aaron remembered many of their firsts of their long life. Like the first car ride and Spencer’s joy and wonder at the contraption. The luxury cruise where they spent more time in their cabin enjoying each other than they did out on the decks. Aaron’s heart clenched thinking about all these things and how there would never be another first for them again.

He remembered the first child they took into their home. The boy they raised together and loved together only to have him go off to battle and never return. Aaron had held his love in his arms as they both grieved over Liam’s passing. The pain of that took a long time for Spencer to heal. 

Aaron pictured their house in London, and the children they raised there. Spencer an academic, teaching at Oxford, respected and revered. Aaron was a lawyer with his own practice and was himself quite successful. When their daughter Elizabeth came down with consumption, it about destroyed the both of them. 

More memories of their lives and the pain that gripped him, that tore the screams from his throat had him buckling to the ground. His cries echoed in the cracks of thunder, his tears matched the hard driving rain, and the smell of ozone from the lightning made him think of the smell of death. 

Aaron grieved, he was still grieving as he was bowed on that dangerous height, waiting. They had tried to cheat fate, staying at the edges of the Game, no longer participating unless another Immortal crossed their path. They would fight and win together. The man who approached  wasn’t who he wanted, but it was who he needed.

“Connor,” Aaron whispered to the ground below him. He knew who it was before he approached. It was a quirk of their immortality. They knew each other instinctually.

“Aaron. You don’t have to do this. What about your son?” Connor crouched and looked at the grieving man.

“I can’t do it Connor. I can’t keep going knowing that one day I’ll still be here and my family won’t be. Spencer…” Aaron choked on the name and a fresh wave of grief filled him up as he dropped to his knees screaming out his pain. He felt a hand on his shoulder but he didn’t respond as he emptied himself. When the pain passed he looked up at his friend with pleading eyes.

“Aaron, don’t make me do this.”

“Too many that I have loved are gone. I can’t watch another child die, Connor. Spencer...he was my everything. Please, let me go, take my quickening and get my revenge.” Aaron growled as he stood and took off his long coat, then his bespoke suit jacket and threw them aside. Pulling his sword from his back he handed it to on Connor MacLeod, friend and fellow immortal.

“You should do it Aaron. You should be the one to take Methos head, not me.”

“I’m not strong enough, not anymore, not without him, without Spencer, I’m nothing. I would let Methos win Connor, I would let him kill me. Take me, take my quickening and get my revenge. Here, a letter for Jack. He’s never known the whole story, our story. Please, take it to him and tell him your part in our story.”

“Dammit,” Connor swore under his breath as he stared down the pleading man. He pulled his sword out and swallowed hard. Aaron closed his eyes as he fell to his knees once more, extending his neck and waited.

* * *

Jack was standing at the graves, pain and anger warring within him. The team had been there at the funeral to support him. He asked them over and over what happened, but no one could tell him the truth. They had investigated to the best of their ability, but it didn’t make sense. They were all grieving and didn’t know how to process that the two men that were the heart of their team were gone.

Everyone eventually left and Jack still stood there, tears spilling, mouth set in defiance. He heard a man come-up next to him and he looked to the side.

“Did you know my Dads?”

The man took a deep breath and Jack saw him fighting with his emotions.

“I did. I knew them very well Jackson Hotchner. I had known them a very long time.” The Scottish lilt to the voice had Jack looking at the man. There were no pictures or anything in the house with this man’s face on it and it made him curious.

“How did you know them?”

“That is a very long tale and one not for a graveyard, lad. If you want to know, I will tell you.”

Jack wiped his eyes and followed the man to a nearby restaurant. After they settled the man reached into his pocket and pulled out a thick envelope. 

“You can read this later. I can tell you my part in their story.”

Jack took a sip of his too sweet coffee and nodded.

“My name is Connor MacLeod and I met your father’s when they were battling it out in a field of heather. I almost joined in, but stopped when one sword almost connected with the younger man’s neck. I was shocked when the sword was thrown aside and he was pulled into a passionate kiss….” 

Jack sat and listened to a tale of lust, passion, battles, heartbreak, loss and a touch of the unbelievable. But through it all there was a deep, all-consuming love that the two men had shared/ When Connor was done, Jack couldn’t help the tears as he curled into himself, grieving for the two men that meant everything to him. Connor took him home and left the letter with him which Jack read later that night. Most of it was what Connor had already told him, but told from his father’s perspective. But, it was the end that shattered his heart even more.

_ Jack, _

_ By now Connor has come to you and told you our story. As unbelievable as it sounds, its all true. Two immortals were never supposed to fall in love, but we did. We adopted and loved many children over the years, and you were no exception Jack. We loved you with all of our hearts. _

_ You’ll be angry, but I couldn’t son. I’m not strong enough to go on without your Papa, with the knowledge that I would lose you and still live on. Still look the same, never aging, and always seeing those I love leave this world. I couldn’t watch you leave Jack. it would have shattered me even more and I would have still made the decision I did. I love you, your Papa loves you don’t ever forget that. Goodbye Jack. Find someone to love and live a good life my son.  _

_ Always, Dad. _

Jack set the letter aside and didn’t think he would ever be happy again.


	12. Eight Years Later by DarkJediQueen

Aaron watched the man in the very nice suit enter the glass doors that housed the BAU. With him was a seven year old girl. Her hair was black and she was very pale skinned. The man stopped and talked to Lewis before she pointed up at his office. 

"Agent Aaron Hotchner?" the man asked when he reached the office. 

"Yes. How may I help you?" 

"My name is Victor Marks. I'm Annabelle's lawyer."

"Okay." Aaron looked to see Dave standing there at the edge. He waved the man away and stood up to shut his door. As he got closer to Annabelle, he realized it was like looking in a mirror. Her hair may have been long, curly and black but her face was all him. The eyes though. The eyes were all Reid's. "What happened to Doctor Reid?"

"Car accident. He was in a coma for a month before finally passing in the night. His will states that Annabelle's other father is to have a chance at custody of her."

"I'm gonna go outside, Uncle Victor."

"Okay, sweetie." Marks smiled down at her and she moved to the door, opening it just enough to slip through and then closing it behind her. Aaron watched as she moved over to what was now Lewis's desk but had been Reid's a long time before. Lewis wasn't there and she sat down in the chair, slouching like Reid used to when he was trying to think, the chair going left and then right and back and forth. 

"If I deny her?" Aaron asked. He hadn't ever met her. Hadn't want to. 

"Then she goes to her godmother." Marks looked smug at that and Aaron wanted to wipe it off his face. 

Aaron looked out at the girl who was sitting and staring all around the bullpen and he knew that even if he took her in, even if he came to love her, Jack wouldn't understand and there was a real chance that Aaron would come to hate her. He never wanted to be his father but with her, he could become him. She's been an accident. A horrible mistake that he'd made on the way back on the day he'd signed his divorce papers. A quick release of emotions that had turned into something horrible. He'd forced Reid to leave the team and to never contact him. He sent monthly checks to help with her care but that was it. She had never been a name, a face to him. She'd been a reminder of what not to do and that was it. 

"Then her godmother gets her."

Marks nodded and laid his hand on the doorknob. "I'll send over the paperwork to rescind all rights to her as soon as I get to my office here in DC."

"She called you Uncle?" Aaron asked.

"Yes. I have a sympathetic firm here in DC as a lot of my actual clients are not based in Vegas. The monthly check that you send...you won't need to. Doctor Reid had a good life insurance policy and Annabelle won't need anything for the rest of her life from you. Good day." 

Lewis, Garcia, and JJ all stepped into the bullpen from the direction of Garcia's office. JJ stopped in her tracks.

"Auntie!" Annabelle cried out and she ran at JJ. JJ picked her up and held her close. 

"Vici?" JJ asked and Marks just shook his head. 

"It was the middle of the night. They couldn't get him back. I'm sorry, JJ."

"Why are you here? I would have thought a call..." 

"The other father declined rights to Annabelle. As godmother..."

"Yes. Of course. Have you notified Derek Morgan yet?" JJ asked.

"No. He was next on my list. As Godfather..."

"Yes. Of course." JJ turned to look at Aaron. "I'm taking the day, Hotch. Probably the rest of the week."

"Sure," Aaron said because his thoughts were swirling. He turned and went back into his office. JJ and Morgan were the godparents to his daughter. His...offspring. The child he just gave up. He was going to see her at team get togethers. There was no way that the team wouldn't catch on that he was ignoring her and at get togethers, he never ignored kids. He was going to see her and she knew that she was his daughter. She knew it and so far was quiet. Would she stay that way? How did JJ and Morgan miss that she looked like him? He was backed into a corner that he didn't like and didn't know how to get out of with dignity intact.

"So..." Dave said as he entered his office. "Who is the kid and why is she leaving with JJ?"

"That's Reid's daughter."

"And she's leaving with JJ because?"

"Reid passed away sometime in the night. JJ is Godmother and now has custody."

"You don't sound upset at all. One of your team is..." Dave stopped. "Reid left the team not long after I got onto it. I never got to be close to him. Why did he leave? No one could ever give me a straight answer."

"He left for his own reasons and shared them with who he wanted to know."

"Aaron."

"That's all I am saying. I'm going to take the day. Tell everyone else that they can as well." Aaron packed his bag, ignoring Dave as he did. He texted Jessica and asked her to keep Jack overnight. He was out of the building and into his car before he stopped and thought about what he had done. Jack had no siblings and he'd denied his son to know his half sister. 

The phone call to Matteo Cruz took little time at all. He started the ball on his retirement, the same package that had been offered when Haley had died. They had caught the killers that had escaped and Jack was still having the occasional nightmare from the SWAT invasion of their home. It was a good time to leave and not muck up anything. When he finally pulled out of the parking lot that he parked in, he headed, not towards home but to JJ's. There he found Will and Henry. He told them that he could wait for JJ to come home before discussing why he was there. Henry talked to him a little bit but even he moved onto other things after a while. 

"Hotch, what are you doing here?" JJ asked when she entered the door with Annabelle. 

"I made a very rash decision today. And I want to try and correct it." Aaron looked at his daughter. She wasn't looking at him. That hurt and he didn't know that it could. "But only if I am allowed."

Annabelle just stared at the wall where there was a new picture of Will, JJ, and their two kids.

"I talked to Cruz. I'm retiring. No matter the decision on if I can make up for my mistake. With the SWAT thing and Jack...I need to be home more."

"So I was right," JJ said.

"About?"

"Belle's father. The other one." JJ didn't look mad but she looked...unhappy.

"Can I stay with Aunt JJ while I get to know you?" Annabelle asked. She was tucked in at JJ's side and she looked unsure but she was looking at him.

"Of course."

"Aunt JJ, can you call Uncle Victor and have him stop the paperwork?"

"Yes."

Annabelle didn't rush to him as JJ left the room to make the call. Instead she moved over to a chair on the side and sat in it with her legs tucked up to her chest. It wasn't the best start. But it was one. Aaron didn't know if he could love her like he loved Jack but he had to try. 

After six months, Annabelle decided to stay with JJ. Jack and her got along well but there just wasn't the love their between father and daughter.


	13. Obsession by rivermoon1970

It had started small. Little notes left on his car, or on his door. His new door, to his new house that he had moved Jack and himself to after his retirement. The suspension was bad enough, but the Bureau blamed him personally for the breakout of the thirteen serial killers. He saw the writing on the wall and opted for retirement, though he was angry about it. He didn’t want to go, not yet, not while there was still work to do. But, he knew he had to put it behind him. Aaron took the latest note and sighed. He didn’t want to think what he was thinking as he let himself into the house. It was still a bit of a mess after the hasty move-in. The team had helped, sad and angry at the outcome of all this. 

Aaron moved to the kitchen and finished emptying the boxes that had been stacked in the corner, there wasn’t much so it went quickly. Jack was going to be home soon so he worked on getting dinner ready.

He had been out job hunting, a few offers were on his desk in his new office and he contemplated if he wanted to go into teaching, open a law office, or take one of the many generous offers from several of the law firms in the area. He had a lot to think about as he pulled ingredients out to make a stir-fry. The note set aside in his mind as he added it to the growing pile.

Then the small gifts started showing up. Personal things. Things that only someone who knew him well, or had been in his home more than once would know. Rare coins, spy novels, cufflinks, tiepins and more. While many people would think it was sweet and romantic, Aaron knew different. He had a stalker. Someone that knew him. He tried to figure out what the stressor was, where he could have met this person, who was this person. He didn’t have the answers, not yet anyway.

After weeks of contemplation, Aaron took a teaching position at Georgetown in their psychology department. He had obtained the degree quickly, his knowledge of psychology and human behaviour letting him bypass most of the required classes. Jack was slowly getting back to that happy carefree kid that he knew and loved. His son had been more affected by the SWAT invasion than even he realized. They were both healing, slowly.

When the gifts appeared on his desk at Georgetown, Aaron started to become more concerned. Then, the phone calls. 

“Hotchner,” he answered almost by rote.

“You are missed.” The muffled voice said over the phone.

“Who is this?”

“You’ll know soon.” Then the phone was hung-up and Aaron just sighed. He officially had a stalker, and a rather obsessional one at that. He contemplated calling Morgan, but knew he was on a vacation with Savanna and Hank. He didn’t want to call the team, they would just worry, especially Dave. 

Aaron put the phone down and frowned. He could call Will, but he would want to bring in JJ. He decided to leave it alone for now to see what would happen.

Weeks went by and the gifts, notes and calls became more frequent and at times, worrisome. He knew it was past time to call someone when the flowers started to show up. He decided to call Will, it was the safest bet.

“Why didn’t you call sooner Aaron?”

“I thought they would shift the object of their obsession at some point. But that isn’t happening.”

“An you believe its a man?”

“Yes. I have all the recordings of his voice. Plus the notes, they linguistically speak in a male tone. The gifts are something one male would give to another. A woman, unless they are very close, wouldn’t give me spy novels or rare coins. Also some of these gifts are quite expensive, as are the flowers, so they have money.”

“An dis started when you left the Bureau?”

“Yes. About three weeks after the notes started. But it was in earnest after I started teaching. In fact, I...I had a date, with another professor and thats when the gifts got more expensive.”

“When was dis?”

“Two months ago.”

“And are ya’ still dating this professor? What is her name?”

Aaron’s cheeks pinked, “Um, his name is Jackson. Jackson Grimes. He’s giving a long series of technology lectures at Georgetown.”

“Okay, I’ll take everything and catalog it. Put a detail on you, see if we can catch a break. I’m not keepin this from Jayje.”

“I know.”

Will left, Aaron got the detail and went about his life. Jackson stuck by him even through the craziness. One night as they were coming back to Aaron’s place, hand in hand, they were confronted by someone in Aaron’s front yard.

“Why?” The voice, Aaron knew that voice and knew it well. He let his grip on Jackson’s hand loosen as he got ready to defend himself.

“Why what Reid?” 

“Why him? Why not me?”

“Spencer,” Aaron’s voice softened as he took a step forward. “We only had one night and you were the one that backed off. You didn’t want to talk about it, even when I tried.”

“I was scared.  _ Then you left.  _ You left me, just like all the others.”

“No, not like the others. Spencer, put down the gun.” Aaron used the cover of darkness as he reached into the pants holster he had opted to wear after getting his private carry license.

“I loved you Aaron, but I could live with you being there, always. How did you move on so easy?”

“It has not been easy Spencer. Please, put the gun down and we’ll go inside and talk about it.”

“No, no, no. That is not going to work on me and you know it.” Spencer raised the gun, a shot went off, a scream, sirens and shouts. The team arrived and Aaron was being comforted by Jackson. He never thought it would have come to this he just hoped his friends could forgive him.


	14. The Impossible by DarkJediQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very minor spoilers for season 11.

Aaron didn't think anything of it the first few times that Spencer came home late from the office during the hunt for the serial killers. They all worked long hours. But it wasn't until after the first time that he was late for one of their dates that Aaron started to think that something more was going on. 

Spencer had moved in with him and Jack just a year before. His apartment was kept to have a different place of residence for work but he never went there to sleep anymore. So one night after work, Aaron didn't go home. He sat in his car and waited for Spencer to leave. The genius got into his car and it wasn't long before he realized that Spencer was going back to the apartment. 

Aaron watched the front to see anyone strange coming into the building but no one did. Spencer was sitting at his chessboard, Aaron could see that. For three hours, he could see the back of Spencer's head as he sat there and did who knows what. Then the text came though that he was leaving work. 

Driving home, Aaron wondered exactly what Spencer was doing. Why had he gone to the apartment to just sit there?

Two months it went on and Aaron would only followed him every third or fourth time to see if the nights he was following were the exception and not the rule but no. Spencer went to his apartment to just be there. 

When Spencer was home, he was there. He talked with Jack, played games with him, and just existed. But there was a hesitance to his interactions with Aaron. The pause before he'd lean into him when they were watching a movie in the living room. There was a intake of breath that wasn't excitement when Aaron wrapped his arms around him from behind in the early mornings when he was waiting for coffee to brew. 

Aaron stopped following him and started to see about giving Spencer space at home. He offer up a night in their now shared office while he took Jack out. The nights away lessened and Aaron was happy about that but it wasn't a measure that he could live with long term. So, he brought up buying a house. When they talked about it as a family, Aaron watched Spencer's face the entire time. There was no reticence in his face at all. But when they looked for a place, Spencer always went for the places that had attics. He vetoed any that didn't. Jack didn't catch on but Aaron did so in the end they bought a place that had a large attic that Spencer wanted to turn into a library. 

Once they were moved in, Spencer would disappear up there and lock the door. Jack didn't notice it really as it was always just an hour or two. Time went on and Spencer brought up letting the lease on his apartment go. It was an unofficial secret that they lived together. The team knew it, hell most of the BAU did. Cruz knew and just acted like he didn't. Spencer could weave three thousand reasons why they were living together without letting on that they were having sex. 

The sex was normal. Aaron started it sometimes, Spencer the rest. Just a touch to the skin Spencer's stomach with him standing behind would get the younger man hard. There were times that it seemed like every single touch between them was sexually charged. Weekends that Jack was with Jessica visiting the Brooks family or at some kind of weekend camp, it seemed like they never left the bed. 

Then Aaron figured it out. It didn't come like a freight train to him. He wasn't slammed with a clue bus as Garcia would put it. It was the night after the team had a meal to celebrate them catching all of the serial killers that had escaped. Will and JJ were dancing. Dave was dancing with his now again wife, Hayden. Garcia even had Sam with her. There were looks of love on their faces and he realized that he'd never seen that look on Spencer's face. 

Spencer wasn't in love with him. 

Aaron sat down at the table as he watched Spencer and Jack dance, the boy having fun learning fancy dancing as he called it. Spencer was an awesome teacher and there was a look of fond love on his face. He loved Jack, that was never questioned but it was the same look Spencer gave him. He loved him on some level but he wasn't in love with him. But why was he staying if he wasn't? He watched Spencer with Jack and then Henry demanded to be taught and so Dave came over to take over Jack's instructions while Spencer taught Henry. 

When it was time to eat, Spencer sat down beside him, a kiss on his cheek and a nuzzle at the skin behind his ear. It was normal and comforting and that's when Aaron got it. Spencer wanted to be with him. He wanted whatever comfort and normalness that would give him. He was safe and there was a good chance that Aaron would never leave him. 

Aaron loved him enough to make up for what was lacking on Spencer's side. He just hoped it was enough for the rest of their lives.


	15. Secrets and Lies by rivermoon1970

Spencer had never put it together. He had never noticed the weekends that Aaron had left DC, even after being together now for six years. He never thought about it. Between consults, VICAP interviews, lectures, and everything else that the BAU does on their downtime, Aaron being gone a few weekends a year never registered. Then he mentioned Arizona in an offhand comment and something about it made Spencer pause. Then it made him go back and look at his notes and calendars and he saw that twice a year, every year for the last eight, Aaron went to Arizona during the same weekends.  He then noticed the other consistent weekends were over in DC. He looked up to his lover’s office and frowned. It was close to lunchtime and Rossi was actually getting Aaron out of the office to get some lunch for a change. Once they were gone, Spencer didn’t waste anytime. He ran upstairs, which his co-workers didn’t think a thing of, and went into Aaron’s office.

Spencer locked the door behind him and shut the blinds. He worked quickly to carefully look through Aaron’s briefcase and found the plane ticket. He memorized the date and the airline, then looked further to see if he could find a hotel. There was a folder Aaron kept in his briefcase for all of his travel plans. Spencer pulled it out, opened it and found what he was looking for. Quickly he put everything away, opened the blinds back up and went back to his desk. He had a lot to think about. 

Later that night after getting home, eating, helping Jack with some homework, Spencer shut himself in his office. He checked to see if he could get a flight that was just slightly earlier, or later than Aaron’s. He was lucky in that he found one about 45 minutes earlier then he booked a room at the same hotel. Last thing was ordering a car and he was all set. Spencer sat back and wondered just what the hell he was doing. He knew he needed to make arrangements for Jack as he was supposed to watch the boy while Aaron was gone. Picking up his cell he called Jessica.

“Jessica, I’m sorry to call so late, but I ah...I need help.” Spencer was rubbing his face and trying not to think the worst of Aaron, but something was going on, had been going on for a long time, and Aaron was keeping it from him.

“Spencer, it’s not that late, what do you need?”

“I was hoping you could watch Jack this weekend. I know I said I would, but….but something has come up.”

Jessica was quiet a few moments before she cleared her throat and spoke.

“You’re going to follow him aren’t you?”

“Do you know something Jess?”

“No, nothing I could put my finger on, but it’s like clockwork. Just make sure you are ready for whatever it is Spencer. And of course I’ll watch Jack.”

“Thank you.”

Spencer ended the call and sat back in his chair, wiping his face when there was a knock on the door. He stood and unlocked the door to see Aaron standing there.

“Something wrong Spence?” Aaron smiled softly, that look of love that Spencer knew so well was on his face and it made him wonder if he was doing the right thing. 

“Yeah, sorry. I was working on something for the CIA they asked me to look into.” It was a lie that was at least grounded somewhat in truth. The CIA did often consult with him as he took on a lot of the duties that Gideon used to do for them.

“It’s late, why don’t we go to sleep?” Aaron cupped his cheek and leaned in for a kiss. “I know a few ways to help you relax.”

Spencer smiled a genuine smile and let himself be led to their room knowing just what Aaron meant.

A couple of days later Spencer was on a plane to Arizona. He checked into the hotel and asked about Aaron’s room. He had gotten better over the years at charming information out of pretty receptionists and this time was no different. He even got her to give him a spare key card to the room. Smiling he left and settled into his room that was just down the hall from Aaron’s. He read for a while, took a nap and when the tracker on his phone pinged he knew Aaron was on the move.

Waiting what he thought was long enough he left and got into his rental car. Spencer was able to track and follow Aaron, and where they went surprised the hell out of him. It was the reservation from several years ago. He watched from his car as Aaron got out and was greeted by none other than John Blackwolf. The greeting was very intimate, the kiss just on the edge of passionate and Spencer’s heart was torn. He waited till they went inside John’s house then he silently backed the car up and headed back to the hotel. 

Spencer didn’t know what to think, to feel. He wondered just how long the affair had been going on. He didn’t even feel the tears that slid down his cheeks till he wiped a hand over his face. He knew he wasn’t going to get answers pacing in his room. He grabbed the spare and made his way to Aaron’s and settled on the couch and waited. 

The door opening woke Spencer from his position on the couch. He sat up and saw Aaron standing there, staring wide-eyed at him, not moving. Dawn had broken through and Spencer knew Aaron had been with John for hours.

“You don’t seem surprised I’m here.” Spencer kept his voice even as his heart pounded hard in his chest.

“I honestly thought it would have happened before now.”

“How long? And please, don’t lie to me.”

Aaron sat down heavily in one of the chairs facing the couch before he spoke. 

“It was about a year after the case. John showed up in DC for a lecture on Natives Rights in front of the UN. It just, we just happened, Spencer. I knew what I was risking, but there was that pull….” Aaron trailed off as he looked down at his hands.

“Do you love him?” Spencer’s voice was hard. He wasn’t going to ease whatever guilt his lover was feeling.

“Yes.”

Spencer stood from the couch and started pacing. He fought back the tears in his eyes and the painful ache in his heart. 

“Eight years Aaron, six of which we have been together. If you love him, why? Why all this?” 

“He’ll never leave the Reservation. I’ve asked, many times, but he won’t leave his family, his people, so, we do our best. And before you ask, no I don’t want to move to Arizona. There is too much for me in Virginia.”

Spencer stopped pacing and glared at his boss, lover, best friend and wanted to yell and scream at him, but he didn’t. He felt numb and betrayed.

“And am I just a distraction till you can be with him again? Am I the bit on the side? The other man?” Spencer couldn’t help the angry bitter tone as he wrapped his arms around his waist, the tears falling and he was loathe to stop them. He held his ground when Aaron jumped up and was quickly in front of him.

“NO, no Spencer. I’ve never lied to you about my feelings. I love you, I ache with how much I love you.” He was gripping Spencer’s shoulder as he wiped away the tears that spilled his face.

“Then why would you do this? Why wouldn’t you tell me, like to me all these years?”

“I need him too Spencer. I can’t explain it, and neither myself or John has been able to define what it is, this pull to each other. He’s as much a part of me as you are. But,” Spencer ached to reach out, to touch, to kiss, but he was torn in too many directions. “If you want to leave me, I’ll...I would understand. I never meant to hurt you.”

Spencer pulled out of Aaron’s grip and turned toward the window, looking out at the brightening sky and thought about what he wanted, what he needed. He knew what he should do. He should walk away, leave Aaron to his sometime lover, but, he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave. If he did, there would never be anyone else, not like Aaron. When he bowed his head and slumped his shoulders he felt those familiar strong arms wrap around him and pull him back against a muscular chest. That simple gesture was all it took for the dam to break and he started sobbing.  Aaron kept holding him, letting him purge his emotions and Spencer made his decision. 

Turning in Aaron’s arms he kissed his lover, hard and possessive. He had to know, and when the low rumble from Aaron’s chest as well as his obvious erection against him, he knew. Aaron did love him, and maybe, just maybe he could live with it.


	16. The Letter by DarkJediQueen

Aaron looked at the letter in his hand. He read it for the tenth time. He didn't have an eidetic memory like Spencer but he remembered every word he'd said to the man.

_"I asked for one thing, Spencer one thing and you couldn't even do that for me."_

_"It's not just that you cheated on me, it's that you lied. You said I would be the only one. And you went out and you had sex with someone. Unprotected."_

_"Did you enjoy fucking him? Was it worth it? Was it worth losing everything?"_

Aaron cringed. He hadn't even listened to him. Spencer had tried to explain that he'd no clue how he got infected. The letter in Aaron's hand told him. Non-risky, non-sexual contact with a carrier for the person who infected him. The jab though had come in the envelope after from Dave. A news article about the hospital in McLean being sued by the FBI for the endangerment of an agent. The article stated that the agent in question was exposed to the HIV virus and testing wasn't done on either the agent nor the man who had also been treated whose blood had got into the agents open gunshot wound had got his blood inside.

Spencer had been infected and hadn't known it. He'd hadn't lied to Aaron and he hadn't cheated but instead of believing him, he'd thrown him out of the home they had made. Cut him off from Jack. His son still hadn't forgiven him for that.

Aaron looked at his cocktail of pills he took. He sighed and laid his head down.

"Dad?" Jack asked coming up behind him.

"How would you like to go to DC? Visit Spencer?"

Jack looked at him like he was crazy. Aaron sighed again. He had stopped allowing Jack to even talk about Spencer.  
"I was mean to you and Spencer. For three years he was a father to you. Then I just ripped you away."

"So was he telling you the truth?" Jack asked.

"Yes. He was. He wasn't lying at all and now...I've robbed you and him of a relationship. I was thinking that I'd fly with you to DC and then you could visit Spencer. I would stay at a hotel."

"How are you sure that Spencer is still there?"

"Because the team was a few towns over and he was on the news. Called him Unit Chief on the news."

"And?"

"The team is in office this week, according to the note that Dave sent with the news article about what happened."

Jack just stared at him for a few seconds before he nodded.

"Go pack and we will head out as soon as possible."

Aaron's job could be done from anywhere that had an Internet connection. He worked from home to have more time with Jack.

XxXxXxX

Spencer heard the doorbell ring. He looked out the window and saw a car in park but running outside his house. He couldn't see the driver but it was a rental.

Opening the door, Spencer looked in shock at Jack Hotchner. Before he could say a thing, Jack was hugging him. Spencer looked up to see Aaron in the driver's seat of the car.

"Can I stay the week?" Jack asked.

"Sure."

Jack waved a negligent hand at his dad and Aaron drove off.

"Why are you here?"

"Dad knows you weren't lying. He got a letter from the CDC and he knows. Uncle Dave sent a newspaper article and Dad asked if I wanted to visit. I've missed you."

"Oh Jack, I've missed you too."


	17. Broken Night by rivermoon1970

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Total AU that plays off my story Not A Word Between Them.....Unitl, and the episode True Night.

“I didn’t  _ do  _ anything.” Aaron slammed his free hand down on the table that he was chained to. “You have to let me go, I can’t be late to my own wedding.” He was pleading and struggling against the handcuffs.

“Aaron, I’m sorry we can’t let you go.” The one called Gideon looked at him with such compassion that it was pissing him off. What weren’t they telling him?

“Look, whatever you think I’ve done, I haven’t, I swear. I just….Spencer is waiting, we have to finish  _ Broken Love  _ and then we’re all set. Our friends are waiting at the courthouse. He even put NoirDoctor on the invitations. They had little blue police boxes.” Aaron felt the tears in the corners of his eyes, but he didn’t know why this was making him so incredibly sad.

Gideon’s sigh was long and deep as he stood and pulled something out of a box, pictures.

“These are crime scenes Aaron, and we found these in your apartment.” Aaron frowned deeply as he looked at the panels. They looked like his work, but he didn’t remember drawing them. 

“I...I don’t….I didn’t draw these...I didn’t.” His breathing increased as he struggled against the cuffs.

Gideon slid a folder in front of him and opened it up, “This is a police report from seven months ago. What appeared to be a double homicide. You were taken to the hospital with several stab wounds and the doctors didn’t think you were going to make it. You’re fiance, he was declared dead on arrival.”

“ _ NO, you’re lying,” _ Aaron started screaming as he surged out of his chair, the cuffs finally snapping he lunged. Gideon and several other agents had him pinned down onto the table in seconds.

Gideon gently laid a hand on his chest and his voice cracked. “I’m sorry Aaron, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, but you have to tell me where Holcomb is.” Gideon’s kind eyes and compassionate look broke him and he started sobbing on the table. His mind clear for the first time in months. The whole thing came tumbling out. 

At the end of their last book tour, with  _ Broken Trust  _ doing well, and the artwork selling like never before, Aaron and Spencer were taking a walk near their apartment after a quiet dinner celebration. He had turned and asked Spencer to marry him. The men came out of nowhere.

_ “Well lookey here, we got us a coupla faggots boys.” _

_ “What are we gonna do with ‘em?” _

_ “Ohh, we gonna have a little fun.” _

Aaron screamed for them to stop, to leave Spencer alone. He was shoved down to his knees and forced to watch as his beloved was killed right in front of him. 

“I couldn’t….couldn’t stop them….they...they…” Aaron’s voice hitched as his sobs wracked his body. After a while he was finally able to tell them where Holcomb was. He was number twelve in Aaron’s revenge filled killing spree. 

Gideon sighed as they took the broken man away, knowing that sometimes a win, really wasn’t a win at all. A few days later he went to go see Aaron, and what he found broke his heart even more. He was allowed in the padded room which was papered with crayon drawings of a wedding that would never take place.


	18. The Prodigy by DarkJediQueen

As Spencer looked at the man looking at him, he thought back on what had got him where he was. He had two choice and neither were good. Neither one of them could save him from what was going to happen.

It had all started in the aftermath of the serial killers escaping and Aaron's loyalty to his job and his country being called into question. He had gone back to work and tried to do his job but those above still looked at him too hard and for too long and no person could function under that. It had done the job that Peter Lewis had wanted. Aaron hadn't broke under his hands and his drugs so he tore the world down around him. What Lewis hadn't counted on was the fact that did live for his job but he lived for Jack and Spencer, too. So after a case gone wrong for no other reason than pure bad luck, Aaron had stepped away from the BAU. A squabble about the team had erupted in the aftermath, many wanted them split up to where the damage could be minimized. Rossi stayed in the BAU, taking on a new team. Garcia was still with him. JJ was pushed to a job on another team inside the BAU. Lewis stepped back. And Spencer, Spencer had been shipped off to white collar crimes. 

Until a serial killer took the lives of thirteen women in Texas, then a child molester was able to escape the team sent after him and set up residence in a new town and only Rossi not letting it go found him. Another case in Maine had an injustice collector blowing up a police station when the team that was there to catch him couldn't get a handle on what he was. It was case after case after case of bad endings and finally, the Director of the FBI stepped in. The whole department was revamped and in the aftermath, Rossi was the Section Chief, taking over for Cruz who was bumped up higher, where he could protect the BAU more. 

That left Spencer, JJ, Lewis, and Garcia. Rossi the asshole had only put forth a single name for the Unit Chief of the main unit in the BAU. Aaron had laughed for two hours when the Director of the FBI had stopped by their at the time combined house to ask him to lead it. Spencer hadn't been able to turn it down. After he got over the shock, he knew who he wanted to try and talk back into the unit. Callahan hadn't been hard. Her baby well old enough for her to let her go to take days away from her. Luke Alvez had been a little harder but after his help catching the fugitives, Spencer liked him. For a while they worked a man down as the people to fill that spot rotated in and out, unable to handle the BAU. 

The next shock had been when Spencer had got home from a two week case during the summer after being unit chief for six months. Jack was at a soccer camp and Aaron was supposed to have be there to greet him when he got home. Instead, he was laying on the bed where he'd just never woke up that morning. Cause of death was declared a heart attack. Spencer's world had been rocked too hard. Spencer had drove himself to get Jack from the camp and when the boy had seen him without his father right there, he'd lost it on the field. He didn't talk for weeks. 

But time moved on. Jack adjusted to a life without his father. He adjusted to a life with just Spencer and his Aunt. High school came and went. College came and went. Medical school came and Spencer had celebrated extra hard when Jack had finished it in the least amount of time needed with the top score in the country. 

Residency had been hard as Jack had gone to John's Hopkins for it. Video chatting just wasn't enough. 

Three years into Jack taking his place in the cardiac unit at the top DC hospital, the BAU was put onto a case of deaths at the hospital. A nurse had been found to be an Angel of Mercy there. Spencer had never been happy about it but she had confessed and knew details that had been kept from the papers. 

It wasn't until the MPD was called in because the clinic and hospitals in the area showed a very marked rise in the death of drug seekers that it was found out that DC and the areas around had another Angel of Mercy. The case made headlines and Spencer's team was pulled off all other cases by Rossi's replacement until the UnSub was caught. 

Two months of searching and the team agreed that whoever the UnSub was the best mind they had ever come across. The team was tasked back to other cases but they all still searched. In every spare moment. The dining room table was filled with the files from the time that Spencer got home to the moment he went to work next. Then one morning the signature hit him. He was sitting and reading a book that had just been published about physics. The signature of the killer wasn't left on the crime scenes. It was hidden farther back. Every single victim had lost a parental figure at the age of four. The methodology needed to find all of that and still have no connection to the victims was exhaustive. 

Before Spencer had got dressed for work, he had a profile in his mind for Garcia to search and notes on a pad that he needed to take with him. He was walking out of his bedroom when he paused. His hand was in his pants and pressed the button that would connect him to his first emergency contact. His phone vibrated when the call connected. 

"I wondered how long it would take," the shadow at the edge of the hall had said. "You were the only one that would be able to figure out the once piece of information that was needed to figure out that it was me." 

A hand moved and Spencer saw what was in it. A syringe. 

"You have two options. You kill yourself with an overdose or you put me in jail. No one but you will ever figure it out. Those are your only options because I won't stop Papa. I am never going to stop. Until they are all dead." 

Spencer didn't know what to say to that. Because Jack was right. He'd never stop. Spencer knew what he had to do. He knew. 

"Who was your first?" 

"Dad. It was easy. You had enough access to everything I needed to learn how to kill him and make it an accident. The stress of the job, the drinking that he did. It was easy."

"Why not me?"

"I had planned on it. After your mother died. But it was too close to the birth of Serena. Your perfect Goddaughter. No one would have believed it. It wasn't time but now...The team is all replaced. I'm off working and you are all alone. It just got to be too much. And everyone knows about your former love affair with Dilaudid. No one would be shocked." 

Spencer stared at the man he called his son, loved as his son, and tried to figure out exactly where he and Aaron had gone wrong. Jack was right. He'd never stop because after growing up at the knee of the entire BAU. He held his hand out and Jack handed the needle over. Next came a tourniquet. There was only a single thing that Jack had overlooked. And that was that he didn't just carry a gun on his hip anymore. 

Shifting like he was going to wrap the tourniquet around his arm, Spencer grabbed his gun from his back and pulled it. 

Aiming it at his son. The front door crashing in came next as well as Morgan and JJ storming in with guns drawn. They all lived on the same block, with kids around the same age for the two of them and Spencer wanting to be close to his godchildren. 

"Spence?" JJ asked.

"Looks like you win, again, Papa. But do you really?"

"He's the Angel, Jayje. I..." Spencer dropped the needle and backed up, letting JJ and Morgan get closer to Jack. He moved to get his cuffs from his bag and then cuffed his son. As the metal clicking sounded, Spencer's heart broke.


	19. The Auction by rivermoon1970

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, yeah, dark rivermoon came out.

Spencer knew what he was doing, or thought he knew. He was next and his nerves started to get the better of him, but as he looked out on the audience he couldn’t help it when he locked eyes with one of the most handsome men he had ever seen. Even standing on the raised step with his hands locked behind him he didn’t shift his gaze away. Even when the auctioneers voice began the bidding, he didn’t look away. Those dark almost hard eyes had captivated him. 

The bidding was fast and furious. The group were some of the richest people in the Virginia-D.C. area and they kept pushing the bid higher and higher. Spencer was surprised, shocked really, but he was happy because it meant more for him at the end of his contract. When it finally ended at 3.4 million, Spencer almost choked, but he didn’t. He would be entitled to 65 percent of it, the auction house the rest as they took care of the taxes and their own fee. When the contract ended, Spencer would walk away a millionaire. He knew better than to lose his composure, such was his training.

This was also a group of men and women who were hardcore in their likes, wants and needs. Some, the deviance ran to things even Spencer wouldn’t agree with. When he was finally led away, his contract bought and paid for, he was left in a small bedroom. Buyers could play before they left.

His cuffs were removed as was what little clothing he had left on him. Not knowing exactly what was expected of him he dropped to his knees, laid his head down on the bed and spread his arms out to the sides, knees spread apart, and waited.

It wasn’t long before he heard the door opening and the rustle of clothes and shoes being dropped. His heart was pounding hard in his chest as he felt hands on his shoulders. He tried not to react when one of those hands was wrapped almost painfully in his hair and his head wrenched back.

“I don’t use nicknames you will always be called Spencer. You will call me Master, understand?”

“Yes, Master.” 

His hair was let go and he felt the man stand behind him.

“Turn around, clasp your hands behind your back and open your mouth.” Spencer nervously did as he was told. The hand was back in his hair holding him right where the man wanted, then, without warning or preparation, his mouth was being fucked hard and fast. He almost choked back a sob when his mouth was filled with the man’s release. “Swallow.” Spencer closed his eyes and did as ordered. “Stand, and let me see you.”

Spencer stood and finally looked up and saw the man’s face that had bought him. Up close, he was even more good looking than what he observed from across the room.

“My name is Aaron Hotchner-LeBeau. You will meet my husband later today when we arrive at our home. Your contract is for one year and I’ve already gone through and memorized your limits. All you need to do is sign on the final line of the contract.”

Spencer looked at Aaron for a few moments and made-up his mind. He walked to the table that had the contract laying there and signed on the final line, making it official. He had just sold himself into sexual slavery to a married couple.

  
A month later, chained up on a Saint Andrew’s Cross, steel collar locked around his neck, shackled and wrapped in rope, his other Master, Remy, was using his mutant powers to channel his kinetic energy through the rope, making Spencer scream. Aaron was behind him, hands roaming over his body as he was using his mind to amplify Remy’s power and being fucked into harder and harder. Spencer let a tear leak out as he wondered what the hell he had gotten himself into.


	20. In Sickness & Health by DarkJediQueen

Aaron was dreading going to work. He didn't want to face the team. He'd been gone for a month and in that month his whole life had changed. The best change the team didn't know about. The worst they did. But the worst change to his life wasn't the worst to the team. Cruz had told them a week ago that Spencer wasn't coming back to the team. He'd taken a leave of absence to cover his last two weeks and Aaron had already called Callahan to take his spot on the team for at least temporary if she found she couldn't be away from her child.

"Hotch," Morgan said as the doors opened onto the hall outside the bullpen. Aaron wasn't shocked to see him there. He also wasn't shocked to see the bullpen empty. He assumed the others were waiting in the round table room. "We have to talk."

"Yes we do. Is Callahan here?" Aaron had asked Spencer to join them later. Spencer said he would. The smirk on his face though still had Aaron worried. 

"She's in the room."

"Good. Because I am only going over this once."

Aaron moved past Morgan and sighed as he entered the room. Lewis, Garcia, and Dave all started in. He ignores them as he moved to JJ and hugged her. He hadn't seen her in a week and knew that Michael was giving her and Will fits with his bouts of being sick. Hence Henry staying with Aaron.

JJ hugged him back tightly. When she pulled back she squeezed his hand, pressing the new ring onto his finger. 

That drew the attention of the entire room. 

Dave's voice was the loudest. "You got married?"

"I did a week ago."

"Look, not that I am not happy about it, Hotch. I am but I want to know why Reid left. With no warning." Morgan was visibly upset. Aaron wanted to take the brunt of that. So far he and Spencer had been ignoring the team. Hell they were not living in the old apartment and only JJ knew about the house. It wasn't that they didn't want them to know. They didn't want to deal with them.

"Because it was the lesser of two dislikes. The bigger in his eyes was me leaving."

"Why does one have to do with the other?" Lewis asked.

"You all know that I took the past month off to deal with health issues with Jack. I know that I have been vague with what is wrong with him but we have been trying to deal with the issues and figure out a game plan. Jack started to have seizures months ago. He's been diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy. He's not as responsive to medication as the doctor would like and surgery is on the table. So Spencer and I discussed many options and while I would have gladly given up my job to be the one to sit at home with Jack and care for him and teach him as his seizures are bad enough that he needs home schooled, Spencer can do so better."

"Why would he even do that?" Garcia asked.

Aaron didn't answer as he saw that Spencer had arrived with Jack and Henry in tow. The two boys went right to Aaron's office while Spencer just stayed where he was.

"Because he had been dating for the past two years. We chose to keep it a secret and that choice would have stood until this happened. As of two weeks ago, Spencer and I wed. He's already adopted Jack as well. He'll work from home as many engineering firms have already started to circle. Boeing is wooing him nicely. I was calling Cruz when he came up with the alternate plan but it's not forever. Within the year I'll be taking over as Section Chief. Cruz has already talked of being offered a higher position but wasn't going to take it since it would leave the unit without a stable Section Chief. At that point in time, a new Unit Chief will take over."

"Who?"

"Emily," Spencer said from the doorway. The team turned as one. Callahan was up and hugged him. Spencer actually returned the hug with vigor. "Aaron was going to take the brunt of it all but I couldn't let him. I made the choice to leave and I would make it again and again and again. Aaron can't sit still and even with taking care of Jack and teaching him, he'd grown stagnant. I can work from anywhere with all of my things and with mom getting worse. I like the thought of dropping everything and taking Jack with me to visit her. I don't care that some of you are angry. It's my life and it's my choice. If Jack gets better and is able to go back to school, I am sure that I'll be allowed to come back. You can have your opinions but I don't wish to hear them. The only opinion that matters is Aaron's."

"Reid," Morgan said as he stepped closer to the younger man but a cry from Henry had Spencer running around the room and towards Aaron's office. Aaron stayed where he was because if it was a seizure, Aaron didn't want to break down. He took a few deep breaths before he made his way towards his office. Henry was there at the door and as soon as he saw Aaron he stepped inside. There was little that could be done other than making sure that Jack didn't hurt himself. 

Aaron loved his son but it was hard to see him like that. Spencer though took it in stride. When Jack had been playing soccer in the park with Henry for the first one. Spencer had been calm and collected while Aaron had been freaking out inside. Aaron knew that Spencer had been trained for things like this, with his mother. Taking it all in stride, he'd just crouched at Jack's side and made sure he didn't hurt himself. Then as Jack had come back to him, he'd sat there, brushing the fringe of his hair back and talking softly to him. It had been hard, going on visits to doctor after doctor. Listening to whoever they were with talking in words that Aaron didn't understand but Spencer did who then explained it to him and to Jack. 

JJ stepped up behind Henry who was there with a baggie of wipes and as soon as Spencer waved him over, the boy ran to his friend and started to wipe his face. Jack smiled at Henry. Spencer lifted Jack up and carried him to the couch where Henry sat down first and Spencer laid Jack down with his head on Henry's thigh. Aaron found Jack's backpack and pulled out the book and handed it over to Henry. Henry started to read as soon as he opened the door and JJ ushered the rest of the team out of the room, Aaron followed leaving Jack and Henry with Spencer.

"I think that Spencer knows his mind. He wants this and I won't tell him no. I won't take that choice away from him. Even if I were to quit, he'd not come back. Morgan, you need to accept that. He loves Jack as if he was his own son. I've caught him at night, crying while doing research because he can't find anything to help him more than what the doctor's are already doing. Let him make his own choice about what he wants in life."

Morgan sighed and turned away. He stopped at the glass door to the bullpen and looked back. He stared at Aaron and Aaron knew that Morgan was still mad with anger. He wasn't listening even to Spencer. He wondered how Morgan had got such a bad idea of him, that he thought that Aaron would even try and force Spencer into quitting his job. Spencer was going to be earning a lot more at his new job, whatever it was. He had long stayed with the BAU because he liked the job. Because he wanted to be there. Now he had someone else to take care of and soon Aaron would be able to work from home more as well. They were doing what was needed and Morgan's opinion of it didn't matter.

Aaron looked back at Spencer through the window in his office. Spencer was sitting on the floor while Henry read. 

"So wanna take a bet on how long until Henry asks to be taught by Spence as well?" JJ asked.

Aaron wanted to laugh. He did but all he could see was his son, on the floor jerking. It was what he saw every single time that he closed his eyes. It woke him in the night, gripping his heart with fear. If having Henry there with Jack made him happy, Aaron would pay for him to have what he needed to be taught at home with Jack. It was a small pittance.


	21. Those Left Behind by rivermoon1970

Aaron was sitting in his office trying to understand why he was so angry, because he was. Haley had left, though it wasn’t too much of a surprise to him, the strange phone calls, the sudden need to run out for errands, the smell of another man, though she had tried to hide it. He almost couldn’t blame her even though it wasn’t right. No, he wasn’t angry about that. He was sad, and upset, but in time he wanted to build a happy home for Jack. He could do that, and it meant being the bigger person in the relationship and accepting whatever fate had in store.

He looked through his small window and knew why he was angry. It may not have been Reid’s fault, he was Jason’s protege after all, but why him? Why did he get a letter? Why did only Reid get a goodbye? Oh he was angry all right and he knew he couldn’t show it, had to push it down and not let himself care. It wasn’t Reid’s fault, he kept telling himself. Jason didn’t leave just Reid, he left the rest of the team, he left  _ him. _

Aaron threw the picture that was in his hand across the room and cradled his head. His best friend left with no word, no phone call, nothing. After Dave had left, it had been him and Jason, together, building and running the team. He knew Jason, knew his quirks and idiosyncrasies, he could read Jason just as well as Jason could read him. He hadn’t wanted to tell Morgan about Haley. He wanted to talk to _Jason_ , to tell him everything that had been going on, but now the opportunity was gone.

He didn’t hear the knock at the door at first, but then he heard a tentative voice.

“Hotch?” 

Aaron looked up and saw Reid standing there and a horrible, tiny part of himself wanted to punch the younger man.  _ Why you!?  _ He wanted to yell and curse at the younger man. It took a moment to compose himself, to pull the mask on so could wear the suit of Unit Chief once again.

“Yes Reid?” He knew it came out more biting than he intended, the kid didn’t deserve his anger.

“I’m sorry, I just heard a crash.” Reid poked his head around the door and saw the picture and the broken glass on the floor.

“Do you need something else?”

Reid frowned at him, squared his shoulders and came into the office. He didn’t sit down, he crossed his arms and looked at Aaron.

“Why are you angry with me? I haven’t done anything wrong and the last couple of cases you’ve ridden me harder than you ever have before. I don’t know if something is going on in your personal life Hotch, but taking out your alpha male aggression on me is not fair. The rest of the team has noticed and I said that I would handle it in my own time but everyone has noticed.”

Aaron sat back and scowled.

“Why you?”

“What?”

“Why were you the only one to get a letter, to get something, some kind of closure? Why you?” 

Aaron saw Reid visibly swallow then lower himself into a chair.

“I don’t know Hotch. I’ve asked myself that a thousand times and I’ve read the letter more than that, even though I have it memorized. I don’t have the answer, even though Emily thinks I should. I’m sorry Hotch, I don’t have the answer you’re looking for.”

Aaron pressed his lips together and tried to quell the rage he felt inside.

“Were you sleeping with him?” 

Reid gaped at him and it took a moment to find his voice.

“I’m going to ignore that question and chalk it up to it being a very highly stressful time for you right now. Then I’m going to get up and leave this room. If you want to speak to me like the adult that I am, like we used to talk to each other then you can come to my desk and apologize. Otherwise only speak to me when it is about work.” Reid stood and stormed out of Hotch’s office.

Aaron closed his eyes and tried to tamp down on that anger and pain. He was trying to understand his feelings, this visceral rage inside him, but he just couldn’t. He sat back with his eyes closed not knowing what the hell to do. After settling he stood and picked-up the photograph. It was one that Garcia had taken shortly after he had hired her. Jason and himself actually smiling. He grabbed his wastebasket and threw the shattered pieces of glass into it. The frame was busted and Aaron was surprised by the force with which he had thrown the photo. Then he picked-up the picture, and behind it was stuck something. Frowning he turned the picture over and saw a folded letter stuck to the back. Standing he undid the letter and folded it out, sitting back down in his chair he read.

_ Aaron, _

_ I know you’re going to be angry about the goodbye to Reid. I don’t mean to hurt you, but like I told Spencer, I don’t know what anything means anymore. I let too many things in, let too many people close and more than one person paid the price for my mistakes. _

_ I have no doubt in my mind that if Frank had not have killed Sarah, he would have gone after you. He was in my apartment, he would have figured out who I was closest to. I cared about you too much to let anything happen to you.  _

_ Aaron, lean on Haley she’s worth holding on to, not me. I’m lost and broken and you deserve better. You deserve the family you started, be safe Aaron and know you are always in my thoughts. _

_ Jason. _

There was more, but he couldn’t read it. He set it down on his desk and tried to understand, but he didn’t. He laid his head back and fought against the headache that was forming. After a while he forgot it and went back to work, pushing past the pain and the anger and the rejection. It was late when he finally decided to go home to a cold, empty apartment.

He was pouring himself some whiskey when he heard a knock at his door. Setting his glass down he went to open it and was surprised to see Spencer standing in his doorway.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk. I didn’t mean to pry, but I found this on your desk when I went to put my completed files in your inbox.”

“Did you read it?”

“Did you?”

Aaron blew out a breath and opened the door wider to let Spencer in.

“Drink?”

“Depends on what you have?”

“Whiskey, coffee, water.”

“Coffee, of course.”

Aaron almost chuckled as he poured Spencer a cup of coffee and let him doctor it up himself.

“Did you know there is such thing as platonic love? It’s when two people, doesn’t matter their gender or sexual orientation, love each other so deeply that it’s not just friendship anymore? There is no sexual component to it, but there have been couples who have lived together for many years loving each other platonically. It’s quite a fascinating aspect of human emotions and interaction. Something that I might explore one day, do some research on it.” Spencer turned and looked at Aaron for the first time since he started to doctor his coffee. He took a sip and sighed in contentment.

“And why are you telling me this Reid?” Aaron looked down into his glass of whiskey not wanting to look into the scrutinizing eyes of his subordinate.

“When we were in Gideon’s apartment, profiling it and him, it didn’t go unnoticed how many pictures of the two of you together there were. I didn’t say anything because I know the rest of the team would have taken it the wrong way. But what I saw, was a friendship that went beyond the normal bonds. You loved him. Probably even more than I did and today when I sat down and thought about why you were angry, why you have been angry, it was the only thing that made sense.”

Aaron sank into the nearest chair to him and closed his eyes. He couldn’t refute Spencer’s words as his heart clenched and he tried not to give into the pain he had been feeling over Gideon’s leaving. 

“You assumed that he didn’t return those feelings because he left me a goodbye and not you. It wasn’t my fault Hotch. He knew you weren’t going to go to the cabin. I don’t know how he didn’t know, but he knew. Probably assumed you were going to be with your family. He was sometimes a crappy profiler when it came to those closest to him.”

Aaron frowned a bit as he looked up at Reid, his eyes wet with unshed tears.

“What do you mean Reid?”

Spencer huffed out an unamused laugh as he pulled another dining chair around and sat in front of Aaron.

“He would have seen how Haley was leaving you little by little. This didn’t happen overnight Hotch and you know that. Now, I see you closing off, getting angry, grieving. Not for the loss of one person, but for the loss of two and you are just trying to cope, but you don’t know how.”

A tear spilled out and Aaron didn’t even bother to brush it away. Spencer had seen right into him and he didn’t know what to do with that.

“You have to let go Hotch. You have to let someone in to help, going through this on your own won’t help you and it won’t help this team and it most assuredly won’t help your son. You were there for me, against Gideon’s wishes, let me be there for you. Maybe, just maybe we both can find closure, together.”

Aaron didn’t know why he did it, he’d reflect back on this moment years later and try to understand, but he never would. He reached out and grabbed Spencer’s hand and when those long, strong fingers laced with his own he broke. He let himself properly grieve for two people he loved most in the world, and they were both gone. When he was done he looked into Spencer’s eyes and saw no condemnation, no judgement. He saw only compassion and understanding.

“I think...I think I’d like that.” Aaron frowned as he breathed deep as he calmed down, setting the pain and grief aside for the moment. They weren’t gone, they were still there simmering under the surface but those emotions had been eased with the help of someone he trusted, someone who saw right into him and didn’t judge him.

“I do love him. I never understood it, and it’s something we never talked about, but you’re right Spencer, I do love him.”

“I know. And, I do too, but it wasn’t enough for him and we have to try to accept that.”

“Thank you, for coming tonight.”

“You’re my friend and not just my boss.”

“Do you want to stay? Maybe talk?” Aaron took another deep steadying breath as he looked at his fingers still twined together with Spencer’s.

“I think I’d like that.” Spencer smiled and lightly squeezed Aaron’s hand. The two friends sat together and worked to try to come to terms with the loss of the one man that they both had loved.


	22. The Ability To Rely by DarkJediQueen

Spencer grunted as he was loaded into the ambulance. He looked at his phone and sighed. 

"I need to text my boss and tell him that I'm going to indisposed. After that I'm going to shut it off and hand it over to you to put with the rest of my personal effects."

"Sure." The first medic smile at him. 

Spencer typed out the text that he didn't want to send but that would be the best to send. 

_Hotch, I'm going to be indisposed for a while. I'm sorry that I'll not be there to help with the case but I'll be back as soon as I can. I'll take whatever anger you have at me but this can't be helped._

After making sure that the message was sent, he stared at the screen. The little check mark that appeared next to the text popped up meaning that Hotch was reading it. Spencer shut his phone down then. He handed it to the second medic and sighed, relaxing back. He'd already handed over his credentials and his gun. They were safely in a box on the side of the back bay of the ambulance. 

"What happened?" the first asked.

"Several months ago I was shot by a suspect in a case. I'm just recently fully off a cane and am still doing physical therapy."

"Why were you in a ditch?" 

"My co-worker decided that his shoes were more important than my knee. So I went into the ditch and when I needed help out, he walked away. I moved down the ditch to try and find a better way out and when I didn't find a really good one, I took the best I had found. It was a mile away from where I had gone in. Halfway up the side, I wrenched my knee wrong and I called 911."

"And not your co-worker?" the second medic asked.

"He's not a doctor. There was nothing that he could do for me. I'm sure by now he's worried. I don't even know if he saw me walking away. Last I saw him, he was on his cell phone."

"Do you want us to call anyone?"

"I have the information needed on my knee and I can give it to the doctor. If he or she wants scans of what my knee looked like two weeks ago, I have all the information needed to talk to my doctor."

"Then I think we are good to go. We are about five minutes from the hospital. You said no narcotics?"

"I was taken by a suspect a few years back and was given regular doses of Dilaudid. I developed an addiction to it."

"Then we will make sure that you aren't given any. Not many could admit that," the second medic said.

"When I was in for my knee, my doctor kind of forced it out of me."

"Our doctors will take care of you, Agent Reid. Don't worry."

"Thanks."

XxXxXxX

Aaron looked at his phone and read the text from Reid. His eyebrows shot up and he hit the call icon on the screen. The call went right to voicemail. 

"Garcia?" Aaron asked as soon as the woman answered the phone. "I need a track on Reid's last cell location."

"Umm...right away Sir." Aaron could hear typing on the other end of the phone. "His phone is off but his last ping is the dump site that he went to with Rossi."

"Thank you." Aaron hung up and called Dave next. "Dave, where is Reid?"

"He's canvassing a greater area around the dump site. Trying to figure out some more information."

"It's a ditch, Dave."

"He's fine."

Aaron hung up in disgust. He didn't need this. He really didn't need it at all. He debated looking for what information he needed on his phone but thought better of it. He looked and saw a very young officer in the bullpen of the station. He made his way over to him. 

"Officer DeLancy?"

"Sir?" The officer stood up quickly. 

"Follow me." Aaron walked into the conference room that they were using and shut the door. "This dump site here, what is the closest hospital?"

"St. Joseph's."

"I need you to do me a very big favor. I think that one of my team was hurt and is going there. I will clear this with the chief but I don't want attention brought to the fact that he might be hurt. I need you to check on the fact and report back to me. Before you go, I'm going to give you the spare card to his room. In his go bag is a brace. Please don't look through anything. Just get the brace and take it with you."

"Sir." The officer left and Aaron moved to the chief to talk to him. The man was thankfully understanding, especially when Aaron told him how he got the injury and that a freak accident on the dump site hurt him more. He even offered the officer to Aaron with no stipulation on what he wasn't allowed to do. Including taking files and things to the hospital.

Settling in at the table, with a file open in front of him of the case, he texted Dave and told him that an officer was going to pick up Reid when he was done with his canvass and that Aaron needed him back at the station. 

When Dave entered the station half an hour later, he didn't even act like anything was wrong. Aaron looked at his shoes and knew exactly why Dave hadn't gone down into the ditch. 

The day moved on and the officer called and gave Aaron updates but that Reid had made sure that little was being allowed to be released about him. The officer had only been able to wheedle a little information from a nurse because he flirted with her. He knew that Reid had several scans done and was in a room and not the ER. 

No one on the team questioned why Reid wasn't there until after dinner. Aaron just said that he was working on some trucker leads. 

Finally, at eleven thirty that night, Aaron received a text from Reid. 

_I'm off the case, Hotch. I know that you sent the officer with my brace to the hospital but he can go home now. That brace won't do me any good. I did ask the officer to go back to the room and clean up all of my things. I'll be catching the first flight home to see my doctor and surgery will proceed after that. The exact extent of the damage will not be known until my knee is opened up again. As soon as I know anything you will be the first to know._

**Take care of you and when you get to DC, contact Jack Garrett. He has some cases that might keep you interested and you can do some long distance consulting with him if you want.**

_Will do._

Aaron let it all stew in his head as they drove to the hotel to get some sleep. He found that the maid service was cleaning Reid's room. So the officer had been and gone with his things. Aaron went right into his room and texted Garrett. He had no clue where the IRT was at the moment and he hoped they were on a case so that Reid could help them. He texted Strauss after that made sure that she knew that Reid was coming home and would be going back onto medical leave due to a case related injury to his already injured knee.

By the time that Aaron woke up the next day he had several texts from Strauss and from Garrett on his phone. He'd had his phone on silent and only calls from the team would sound. Strauss had made sure that Reid was given a damned good room in the hospital as well as starting a reprimand for Dave. Aaron had his own guilt as he'd made light of Spencer's injury when he'd made the man stay behind because he technically wasn't cleared to fly. Aaron had done it before and he'd not wanted Reid to hurt himself like he almost had done. He'd apologized as soon as they had got back from the case and made sure that Reid knew that he hadn't meant to call him out like that. 

Aaron wasn't shocked that Garrett was jumping at the chance at the genius. Aaron knew how many transfer requests that Reid got a year. Other sections that courted him and tried to woo him over. Aaron knew that Spencer hadn't wanted to leave the team but he also thought that maybe a new team would be a good thing for Reid. The best thing for him. 

Strauss would handle Dave because Aaron wasn't sure exactly what he would do if he was the one to do it. He'd probably put him off the team. Make him go to one of the other teams. That would be a blow to his ego that would probably make him hurt for a while. Dave knew that Reid would do it. Because he respected authority. Reid did what was best for the victims more than he did what was best for himself. 

His phone vibrated in his hand. 

_Do you want me off the team?_

**I want you where you won't be hurt anymore by the people you should rely on.**

_Garrett and I talked last night. I'm intrigued._

**Take it. You will always have a spot on this team, no matter what.**

_Then I will tell Garrett yes._

**Five cases. After five cases with the IRT and we can discuss what we discussed in the hospital while you were recovering from Anthrax.**

_Five cases. But we can talk in the meantime right?_

**Always.**

Aaron smiled as he got up out of bed. Whatever recovery Reid went through and then five cases then he'd see about that date. 

_What about if I can't be a field agent anymore?_

**Then we can talk as soon as you are settled into whatever job you choose.**

_Okay. Get to work. If I think of anything, I'll text._

**You worry about you and I'll worry about the case.**

_Even in texts, I know what you are not saying, Hotch. No one asked about me yesterday did they?_

**No. I didn't really give them a chance. They were told you were doing things for me.**

_JJ and Morgan texted me. I told them to talk to you. I don't care what you tell them. I told Garrett that pending the result of my surgery, I am accepting his offer to join his team._

**I'll tell the team today that as well as the fact that you are home and awaiting surgery. I've got to get ready. I'll text you later, Spencer.**

_Talk to you later, Aaron._


	23. The Imprint by rivermoon1970

ringing phone. He really hoped they didn’t have a case, they had just come off of one and he was exhausted.

 

“Hotchner,” he said sleepily.

 

“Aaron…” The voice on his phone had him coming awake.

 

“Spencer? Is anything wrong?” Aaron was rubbing his face trying to wake-up. “Your Mom okay?” Spencer had gone to spend a few days with his mother while they had some downtime.

 

“Aaron....I, I’m not coming back.” 

 

“What? Spencer I don’t understand.”

 

“Aaron, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry,” Aaron heard Spencer’s breath hitch over the phone and it made his heart constrict.

 

“Spencer, please what’s going on?”

 

“I found my soulmate Aaron. I, I didn’t mean for it to happen, I didn’t, we, we imprinted…” Spencer’s voice trailed off and Aaron couldn’t breath. He felt his eyes fill and he had no words to say. He had given everything to Spencer and now he felt hollow and empty. 

 

“Spencer,” Aaron couldn’t help how broken he sounded. “I…”

 

“Aaron....I...I’m sorry.”

 

“You said you love me,” The whispered words made Aaron feel even more lost.

 

“I do, I do love you.”

 

“Then come home. Come home Spencer, please, I need you, Jack needs you. What are you going to tell him?”

 

Aaron heard soft crying over the phone and all he wanted to do was reach out and touch, but he couldn’t. Spencer was all the way cross country and his heart was breaking.

 

“I don’t know, Aaron.”

 

Aaron was silent for a few minutes then he was up out of bed and frantically throwing clothes in a bag.

 

“I’m coming out there. I’m going to get the first flight I can and I’m coming out there. You can’t just tell me this over the phone and expect me to accept this.”

 

“Aaron…”   
  


“No. I need to see you, I need to look you in the eyes and you tell me everything.” He didn’t try to hide his pain as he frantically packed a bag for himself, then went into Jack’s room and started to pack one for his his son. “You are also telling Jack in person.”

 

There was silence on the other end of the line and Aaron though for a moment that Spencer had hung up.

 

“Okay. I’ll text you the address.” Aaron heard the defeat in Spencer’s voice then a soft click as the call was being disconnected. A moment later his phone beeped with the address of where Spencer was staying.

 

Aaron had no thoughts past the next few minutes as he finished getting bags together for him and Jack. He roused his son from sleep and without any explanation he got him dressed. Jack was peppering him with questions, but all Aaron would say was that they had to go to Vegas. After they were all packed up Aaron called Morgan and told him that there was an emergency and he’d explain once he knew more. He put Morgan in charge till he got back. The drive to the airport was done in silence. Aaron felt bad that he wasn’t explaining things to Jack, but he just didn’t know what to tell him, not yet at least.

 

The earliest flight out was at five in the morning, which gave Aaron too much time to think. He tried to quash the thoughts in his head and the pain creeping into his heart. He was thankful that Jack had fallen back asleep next to him. Finally they were able to board their plane and again he tried to rest, but he just couldn’t. He was a ball of anxiety and he just needed to get to Spencer.

 

There was a sense of sick anticipation and relief when he was knocking on the door to where Spencer was staying. Aaron’s stomach was churning, not ready for whatever was going to happen when he crossed that threshold.

 

“Aaron.” Spencer flew at him when he opened the door and wrapped his arms around him. Aaron closed his eyes as he fisted his hands in Spencer’s hair, his heart breaking at the sobs coming from the man he loved. Aaron felt Jack’s fear beside him, but he was torn between comforting his love, and his son.

 

“Shh, love, let’s go inside and you explain to me what happened.”

Spencer pulled away and wiped his face and stood aside to let Aaron and Jack into the house.

 

“Jack, there’s a den at the end of the hall, why don’t you go in and watch a movie.” Spencer said.

 

“Papa? I’m scared.” Jack furrowed his brow and looked at Spencer with an expression that was breaking Aaron’s heart.

 

Spencer bent down and pulled the boy into his arms and buried his head against Jack’s shoulder. 

 

“I know buddy, and I’ll talk to you as soon as I can, but right now I need to talk to your Dad, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Jack looked down as he made his way to the den Spencer had pointed out. The adults waited till they heard the soft click of the door shutting before turning around to face each other.

 

“Greg Sanders, my husband, Aaron Hotchner. Aaron, this is Greg.”

 

“I can’t say that it’s nice to meet you.” Aaron was barely holding it together as he crossed his arms, pulling his stoic armor around him to help protect himself.

 

“Why don’t we sit down?” Greg asked and Aaron couldn’t help noting his nervousness.

 

The three men sat and the silence was oppressive. 

 

“Explain to me what happened.” Aaron finally spoke.

 

“Greg sometimes volunteers at Bennington. He’ll come in and read to the patients or play games. He was reading to Mom when I went to see her. I...I shook his hand. Neither of us expected it.” Spencer looked up at Aaron with a broken expression and tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

 

“Can it be broken?” Aaron was gripping the armrests of the chair he was in. Spencer’s head drooped as he looked down.

 

“No. We went to the center and tested. They told us that breaking the imprint could cause psychological damage to both of us.”

 

“Mr. Hotchner, believe me we’ve tried. My partner, he’s, he’s just as lost as all of us.”

 

“They told us that we’d grow close in time. But you know as well as I do that not all imprints are welcomed. Greg works for the Vegas CSI, so he has seen a lot of the same things we have. Aaron…” Spencer stood and crawled into Aaron’s lap and held him close. “I don’t want this, I want you. I love you. We tried to stay apart, to see it it would just, go away. I was at the hotel, and he was here and it hurt, physically to be away.”

 

Aaron closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Spencer, burying his face in his husband’s hair and didn’t hold back the tears that fell. He knew there was nothing they could do. He didn’t want to let go, because if he did, it would become too real and he would lose Spencer forever.

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Spencer whispered.

 

“I don’t think there is anything we can do. I don’t want to let you go, I love you Spencer. I love you more than you will ever know. But, we can’t fight this.”

 

The two men were silent as they stayed wrapped around each other ignoring the other man in the room. Their grief was a living, breathing thing that nothing could comfort. After what seemed like a long time Spencer was pulling back and then he was kissing Aaron. 

 

“I don’t want to let you go,” Spencer sobbed as he laid his head against Aaron’s.

 

“And I don’t want to let you go, but we have no choice.” Aaron placed a kiss on Spencer’s forehead and closed his eyes, his heart in a million pieces as he slowly said his goodbye.

 

“I’ll talk to Jack.” Aaron reluctantly let Spencer go and watched as he walked down the hall.

 

“We’ll keep trying to find a way to sever the bond. He’s not the only one that doesn’t want this. Nick is...he’s angry.”

 

“This is no one’s fault, no one ever expects it when it happens. I don’t blame you Mr. Sander’s. But, you have to understand, Spencer, he’s the love of my life and when I walk out that door, there won’t be anyone else for me, ever.”

 

Aaron couldn’t be responsible for the man’s feelings and knew his words probably hurt, but he didn’t care. He was falling apart because of some stupid quirk of biology. He was deep in his thoughts when his son came running out and flung himself in Aaron’s arms and started to cry. Aaron held him close, trying to sooth his son.

 

“Spencer, know that I’ll never keep Jack from you. Whenever you want to visit, or we can arrange for him to meet you wherever you’re going to be. Mail, skype whatever you want.”

 

“I don’t want any of that. I want to go home with you, but I can’t.”

 

Aaron stood and held Jack in his arms. “Do, do you want me to draft…” He couldn’t even say it, couldn’t say the words that would sever his relationship with his husband.

“No. No, this isn’t fair, this isn’t right…” Spencer yelled angrily as he wrapped Aaron and Jack in his arms.

 

“I know love, I know but you have to let me go, let us go.” Spencer stepped back and when Greg tried to comfort him he ducked away from the man’s touch. He told Aaron they hadn’t cemented the bond, he didn’t think he ever would. He was going to try to find a way, a way to break it without hurting anyone. Aaron tried to smile, but he didn’t want to hope because as Morgan once said, hope was paralyzing.

  
Saying his last goodbye’s and holding Jack close, Aaron walked out the door and knew he was never opening his heart up again, it was laying at the feet of his love, Spencer Reid.


	24. Battered and Bruised by DarkJediQueen

Spencer entered the bullpen with his head held high. He wasn't going to feel ashamed at all, even if the pain he was in made him want to double over. He knew that it wouldn't be long before someone saw him but for the moment, the bullpen was empty. He sat down at his desk and started to work. DC was a city that never slept and having a friend as a detective was good at getting a TRO signed quickly. He just had to wait for Cruz to get in and get his desk empty. By the time that Rossi finally made it in, Spencer had all of his files done and already in Hotch's office. 

"Doctor Reid?" Cruz asked as he entered the bullpen. Spencer turned around to greet him. The look of horror on the man's face when he took in Spencer's was...nothing if not alarming. "What happened to you?"

"I'd prefer to speak alone in your office, Sir," Spencer said, half clenching his jaw as it hurt to open it. 

"Reid?" Rossi called out but Spencer didn't turn to look at him, instead he started to move towards Cruz's office. 

"I'll handle this, Agent Rossi," Cruz called out as he started to follow behind Spencer. The trek to the office just a hallway away was silent. Spencer went right past the secretary and listened as Cruz told him to hold all of his calls. Cruz offered the chair on the other side of his desk but instead Spencer went over to the chair that was in the corner. It was soft and fluffy and his body needed that, not the hard chair that Cruz offered him. As he sat down, Spencer watched Cruz's face. Spencer knew that he looked like an old man but his broken ribs and bruised stomach wouldn't allow him to move any other way. 

"Obviously you are not going on field work for a while."

"No, I am not. I have three broken ribs and five cracked ones, my stomach is heavily bruised and I'm doing daily blood tests to make sure no organs are shutting down. My cheekbone is fractured. I was driven to the ER and checked in at nineteen thirty eight and released at oh four thirty five. I was dropped off here and when I call I will be picked up. I cleared my desk of all outstanding work."

"You didn't have to come in, Reid. Agents Lewis or Jareau could have done the work."

"I was picked up from my partner's house by..." Spencer tried to figure out a way to say what she was without saying what she was because as soon as he said it, Cruz would know but there was no stopping it. Cruz had to be notified about the TRO. "This is the second time that my partner has raised his fists to me. He promised to get help after the first one and it seems he hasn't found the time. So Detective LaMontagne walked a TRO through night court. I am out for at least two weeks on doctor's order but I wanted to clear my desk in case this does not go in my favor."

"How can this not go in your favor?"

"I was dropped off here by my partner's dead ex-wife's sister. Who as of this morning was made my partner's son's temporary guardian."

"Whatever you need to keep him away, Doctor Reid we will do."

"Oh, he's in jail. Will picked him up and has him in jail. I'm sure that sometime this morning Rossi will be getting the call to bail Hotch out."

Cruz was stunned speechless. He just stared at Spencer as the words seemed to trickle into his brain one letter at a time. 

"And you intend to take it all the way to court?"

"I do. I don't care about my career at this point. I only care about my safety and Jack's."

"That busted lip four weeks ago...that was Aaron?"

"It was and as I told Rossi, I was handling it just seems that everything in my power to stay in the relationship is not enough."

"Son, you can't go in there!" the secretary yelled and then Cruz's door was slammed open and Spencer turned to see Jack running at him. Jack stopped just in front of the chair and just looked at Spencer. Cruz waved the secretary away and he left. Jack's hand reached out and touched the few stitches on the side of Spencer's face. Jack turned to look at Cruz and that was when the man saw the bruise on the side of Jack's face as well.

"That is not done by Hotch's hand, in a direct way that is. Jack grabbed Hotch's hand to stop him from slapping me again and he threw him back and his face cracked off the coffee table. He was checked out." Spencer looked to see Jessica, along with Will and JJ right behind her. "Jack, please. I need you to stay with your aunt."

"I heard Aunt Jessica, Dad was released on bail, his lawyer got him out."

"The restraining order means that he won't come here. And even if he does, the guards at the door have it and know that while you and I are in here, he's not allowed. He's not going to come here and hurt me." Spencer leaned over carefully and kissed Jack's forehead. When he pulled back he pushed Jack towards the door and the boy thankfully left. "If Jack hadn't been injured I don't know what would have happened. It seemed to snap him out of his rage."

"Over what?"

Spencer cocked an eyebrow.

"I don't mean that you did anything to...That came out totally wrong."

"I fell asleep before he got home and had trouble staying awake after that. He was upset about something else from work and he just...I haven't seen him like this before. The last time we were arguing about something that Jack had done and I punished him for it. Hotch thought it wasn't enough and when I pointed out that it was an escalation from the last time that Jack had done it, Hotch told me that Jack was his son to do as he saw fit with. When I told him that it was fine and moved to leave the house. When I didn't come back when he demanded that I do so, he ran after me and grabbed my arm. He spun me around and when I told him to let me go or else, he backhanded me so hard that he split my lip. He recognized what did as soon as he did it and was perfectly guilt ridden. He started to see someone about it and then anger issues but obviously it's not helping and/or making it worse. So I chose to end it. When Will delivered the TRO to the station where Hotch is being held, he delivered a note handwritten by me that states this all to him."

"We don't need this, Doctor Reid. The BAU is under a lot of spotlight with the serial killers on the loose but I know that it is not something that you can help. If Hotch is let go, are you willing to stay in the unit?"

"I am. But I am also more than willing to move to the New York unit."

"Away from Jack?"

"Jessica has been offered a job in New York, she was going to turn it down but this has given her pause."

"I'd prefer to keep you here. Give me the week, I'll come to you in a week. Where will you be staying?"

"At my apartment. At the current, Derek is putting in an alarm system and changing the locks and upgrading them on my door. The building security has been warned about the TRO."

"Do you want it to stay as a temporary or make it full time?"

"I guess it all depends on what he does."

"Keep me informed, Doctor Reid. For the moment since Morgan hasn't been replaced on the team as of yet and that makes it three members down, I'll keep the team on stand down. I expect that Agent Jareau knows since her husband was..."

"The first cop to arrive at the hospital to talk to me. At this point only Lewis doesn't know and possibly Rossi. I figured that Hotch would have called him to get him out so either Rossi decided not to or Hotch didn't even try and call his friend."

"I'll visit Agent Hotchner at home. I think that it might be time to dust off the retirement package that Erin Strauss offered him."

"I'll be taking him to court. I don't know what kind of sentence he'll get but at this point I figure it's the only thing that is going to wake him up fully, besides what Jessica will be doing."

"Whatever help the FBI can be just let me know." Cruz moved closer and held out an arm, being steady help to Spencer getting up out of the chair. "And may I suggest letting Morgan know that it would look bad on your case for Agent Hotchner to be hurt in anyway."

"He knows and he'll stay away. Don't worry Sir."

"Keep me informed of your healing, take the time that you need."

"I will."

Spencer allowed Jack to settle in at his side, trying to be helpful, as soon as he exited the main part of Cruz's office. JJ and Will walked with them silent. Rossi and Lewis were right there in the still empty bullpen. Rossi looked him up and down and shook his head. 

"I'll be off for at least two weeks, Cruz is going to have the team on stand down."

"Why are you here, Reid?" Lewis asked.

"I've never felt more ashamed," Rossi said as he stepped forward. "What did Cruz decide?"

"He'd rather keep me. I'm sure he'll tell you the particulars."

"Will, make sure that Morgan doesn't kill him." 

Will nodded at Rossi and Spencer started to move again. He needed to not be standing. He was getting tired and he needed to just get somewhere that he felt safe.

"What do you mean Morgan will kill him? Who? Who did that to Reid?" Lewis asked Rossi as Spencer made it to the doors. 

"Spencer's I am assuming now ex-boyfriend did that. And given that Cruz wants Spencer here. Our ex-unit chief."

"Hotch?" Lewis sounded shocked. 

It was always the ones that were least expected.


	25. His Darkest Hour by rivermoon1970

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Dark, very dark. Graphic depiction of violence.

He walked through the club dressed just exactly for this night. Dark expensive denim, tailored button down and an English cut sport jacket. He was smiling as he glided through the writhing bodies of the dance floor. He had seen his prey trying to be discreet sitting at the end of the bar. He knew the man was only drinking sparkling water tinged to look like scotch. It was trick that  _ he  _ had taught them. 

Moving closer his smile turned sharklike as he rounded the corner of the dance floor, finally divesting himself of the sweaty, disgusting press of humanity. He wanted to growl at them, tell them the danger they were in as he moved through them. But he didn’t. He kept the rage banked for the moment, it was displaced and he needed to focus on what he came for. After taking a deep breath he sidled up to the bar next to his prey who was looking at him in shock.

“I never thought I’d see the day that you looked shocked about anything.” The prey opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find words to speak. “Or see you rendered speechless. Come on Spencer, something stopping your infinte rambling?”

“You, how? Where?” 

The man leaned in right up against Spencer’s ear, “Come dance with me.” He whispered seductively. He had plans alright, this was just the beginning.

“Alright,” Spencer’s breathless acceptance had the man smiling again. Sliding off the stool he took Spencer’s hand and guided him onto the dancefloor. The music slowed and the man placed a firm grip on Spencer’s hip, and a strong arm around his back, pressing them close together.

“You still do it to me. My partner said the attraction probably was gone, me being away for so long, but no, feel that?” The man pressed his groin into Spencer’s who yipped at the contact of hard cock against his thigh.

“Wh-where have you been?”

The man swayed them around the dance floor, keeping them pressed together.

“Well, you were supposed to find me, weren’t you?” The man growled in Spencer’s ear.

“We looked, we did, we exhausted everything. Strauss made us officially stop, but we kept going.”

“Yet, all that time and work and supposed brilliance, you never succeeded.”

“Hotch…”

“No, no Hotch. Aaron.”

Aaron noticed Spencer’s eyes filled, but he didn’t let the tears spill.

“You know I almost believe you. Almost believe you care.”

Aaron saw Spencer swallow as his breath shallowed.

“I do, we do.”

“We shall see.” Aaron swung them around again and smiled at someone behind them. “Come back with me,” he whispered in Spencer’s ear.

Spencer closed his eyes and clutched at the shirt Aaron was wearing. He was shaking and Aaron knew a war was going on in his head, finally he heard the words he just knew Spencer was going to say.

“Yes.” Spencer swallowed and Aaron wanted to kiss his neck first, then...well he’d figure the rest out soon.

When they were out of the club and in Aaron’s car Spencer got into the passenger side and was checking his pockets.

“Oh, your phone is gone. As is your panic button, and you didn’t even notice I replaced your earwig. You’re mine and it’s time for you to take a little nap.” Spencer wasn’t even aware of the needle till it slid into his arm. Aaron drove off and kept an eye on his captured prey, who succumbed to the effects of the short term tranquilizer.

Two hours later and Spencer was waking up. Aaron crawled naked on top of him, kissing him as he gripped his hips, pressing him down onto the mattress. 

“Aaron, stop.”

“Do you really want me to? Didn’t you fantasize about this? Dream about me fucking you? You have your chance now Spencer. I can make you feel so good, you can finally feel what it is for me to fuck you.”

Spencer reached a shaking hand out to Aaron’s naked body.

“Aaron, who gave you these?” The scars littered Aaron’s torso, thighs and upper arms.

“Don’t like them?” Aaron gripped Spencer’s hand and forced him to feel them. “After a while, I stopped feeling them. You can touch Spencer, please don’t be shy.” Aaron’s tone was hard as he kept a grip on Spencer’s wrist.

“Tell me where you’ve been, what you’ve done.”

“Oh, pretty genius. Now is not the time for talking.” Aaron stole another kiss and was rewarded with a low moan from his prey. 

“Yes. Yes I want you. I want to know what it is to be fucked by you.” 

That feral smile graced Aaron’s lips as he did just what the genius asked of him. As he approached his climax his eyes went hard and flat, hands wrapped around Spencer’s throat and the genius struggled. Aaron snarled as Spencer was trying to pry the iron grip he had off of him. He almost laughed as Spencer still came. Aaron let him just long enough to lift his ass so he could slam into him, once, twice more and he came.

Panting, he held the genius down on the bed.

“What the hell Aaron?” Spencer rasped out as his eyes filled with fear.

“I should ask you that. Where the hell were you, the team, when I needed you. You figured out where I was going. I heard on the radio, but you were too late.” The rage he had tamped down on earlier welled up inside him as he surged up and once again wrapped his large, strong hands around Spencer. The man struggled a moment, then the light went out in his eyes and Aaron stood. He moved into the bathroom and took a shower. After he dressed and grabbed one of the disposable cells he had in his bag and dialed.

“ _ This is Agent Derek Morgan of the FBI, who the hell is calling?” _

“Morgan, so glad to hear your voice.”

“Hotch? Where are you? What did you do with Spencer?”

“Hotch….I haven’t been that person in so...very...long. Aaron Hotchner was a father, someone who thought had a team that cared. Someone that thought his team would always have his back. But, I found out different, didn’t I?”

“ _ Look man, we tried. We never stopped lookin’, never. What happened to you man?” _

“You put a pretty genius in my line of sight, now, I’m afraid that beautiful brilliance is gone. When you get to where I’m at there will be files. Everything will be explained. I kept meticulous details.”

“ _ Hotch...I mean Aaron just come home. Whatever you’ve done I’m sure we can help you.” _

Aaron started to laugh a dark, sinister laugh, “There is no more hope for me Morgan. When you find me, you are going to want to kill me.”

The line was dead silent and all Aaron heard was swallowing, then the ringing of another phone.

“ _ What did you do!”  _ Morgan yelled.

“Now you’ll know just how it feels.” Aaron waited and when his main phone rang he answered it. He heard the pleading on the other end of the line and thoughts of  _ that  _ day flooded his memories. 

_ “You, you can’t do this, you can’t...what the hell happened to you?” _

“Oh, I’m not doing anything Morgan. I’m not even where  _ he _ is. You know, he was right about one thing, we were connected, entwined, it just took a little torture to make me see it.”

The pop, pop of a gun went off and Aaron could almost feel the rage on the other end of the line.

“ _ You son-of-a-bitch. You fucking son-of-a-bitch. They were my SISTERS! I will find you, I will find you and I will not hesitate to kill you you bastard.” _

“Make sure you do this time Morgan because I won’t stop.”

“ _ HOTCH! What the fuck?” _

“I told you. It’s not Hotch.”

_ “Then what the hell is your fucking name you sick psycho?”  _ Aaron closed his eyes and breathed deep taking in the pain and the rage he could hear in Morgan’s voice.

“Aaron Malcolm Foyet.”


	26. You Can't Break Me, I Won't Allow It by DarkJediQueen

There was something to packing up a life that he wasn't going to have. He hadn't even realized how much he had wanted it until it wasn't there anymore. He also hadn't realized how much stuff of his was at Aaron's until he was packing it up. A near year long relationship, that had really started before that but a year before was when they had kissed for the first time. They were three weeks shy of one year. Three weeks shy of it becoming the longest relationship that Spencer ever had. His last long term relationship had made it to three weeks before a year too. 

Aaron was in the backyard and Spencer could see him pacing. There wasn't anything that Spencer could do to make him less upset. Aaron's heart might have been breaking but Spencer's was shattered. 

All of the clothes fit into two go bags and those were sitting on the end of the bed. The rest of the things, Aaron had been bringing up to the bedroom over the past week. Spencer had already done his walk through and found a few things that Aaron had missed and put back a few things that yes he had bought but he didn't want to take home. 

Spencer took the first load down to his car. Walking back to the house, his heart felt like it was going to break into a million pieces. It was the last time. He had never been to Aaron's place before this had all started and he didn't see a reason that he ever would go back. He unlocked the door with the key that Aaron had given him and laid it down on the table just inside the door. He went back to the bedroom and slung the last bag over his shoulder and picked up the box. It had been petty of him but he'd removed all the pictures that Aaron wanted him to have. He didn't need them to remind him of what he'd lost. He'd left them sitting on the bed, right beside the last picture that Jack had drawn him. He didn't need it and he didn't want it. 

Jack was in his bedroom where he'd been since Spencer had got there. He thought about knocking and telling him that he was leaving but decided against it. He locked the door and made sure that it was shut before he walked to the car and slipped the last things in the back. 

Spencer had promised Aaron that he would tell him before he left. He walked around the side of the house and opened the gate. He stepped into Aaron's POV and waited for the man to see him. Aaron stepped up to him with a frown on his face. 

"I've got my things in the car. I'm just going to go. Jack's still in his room."

"Spencer, I-"

"Everything has already been said. There is no point in dragging it out. It is what it is. I'll see you at work on Monday." Spencer turned to move away but stopped when he felt the hand on his shoulder. He didn't turn around though. He didn't want tos ee what look was on Aaron's face. He needed to leave. He needed to feel safe and that wasn't here.

"Pen, please."

"Don't make me into the bad guy, Aaron. Don't make me say words just to hurt you to get you to let me go."

The hand left his shoulder and Spencer walked away. He walked away from the place that Aaron had bought for them. Where he'd wanted to see them all live happy together. That it seemed wasn't in the cards. 

XxXxXxX

 _Two Years Later_  
Aaron didn't know what to say but still he showed up at Spencer's apartment door. The basket told him that Garcia had been there. 

"Reid?" Aaron called out after he knocked. There was no sound inside the apartment. Garcia had been unable to get anything from him. Morgan had been unable. There had been nothing from him after he had left the scene of Maeve's murder. Aaron had told him to take his time but no hearing anything from Spencer was worrying. 

Aaron knocked again, harder this time and long enough and loud enough that he was sure the neighbor would call the cops. Still nothing from Spencer.

"Reid, I just want to know that you are alive. That's all. You don't have to speak. Just give me a sign of life." Aaron had his briefcase with him and he'd told Jack that he'd give Spencer the drawing but he wasn't sure that it was a good idea. But he didn't want to lie to his son. He didn't know what to do. 

There was still no sign of life from Spencer. Aaron reached out and tried the doorknob. The door opened up but stopped when the chain hit it's max. 

"Spencer, please."

Still there was no noise. 

"Please, Spencer just give me anything." Aaron leaned on the door and just breathed. 

The door was shut quickly and hard. Aaron jerked back and heard the deadbolt slamming home. He'd got the sign of life that he wanted but he found that he couldn't leave. Not yet. 

"Thank you. I'm glad to know that you are alive." Aaron swallowed and made up his mind. He reached down and freed the drawing from his briefcase. "Jack heard me talking to Dave and he drew something for you. I'm going to slide it under the door."

Aaron crouched and did as he said. It stayed there, halfway under the door and halfway still in the hall. After a few minutes, the drawing slid under the door for a few seconds and then was shoved back. Aaron held the hurt inside and didn't lash out. He knew what it meant and he knew that even now it all hurt.

"I'll be there if you need me. Reach out at any time. I mean it. I will be your rock if you need it." Aaron stood up and sighed as he did. If he'd stayed stronger, figured out what to do sooner, this never would have happened. Maeve would have been just a friend and Spencer wouldn't have cared enough to reach out like that. Aaron had ruined his one chance at true happiness.

XxXxXxX

Three Years Later  
In the aftermath of it all, Spencer didn't care much about the serial killers on the loose. The team would catch them, they always did. He cared about Peter Lewis being free and able to hurt Hotch again. Still after the call, the team had gone back out to spend time with the family. Dinner had been finished a while before and everyone was scattered again. 

Spencer was by himself at the back of the property. He hadn't felt like entertaining Jack and Henry again so he'd slipped off. He had a glass of wine in his hand and has been sipping it so long that it was very warm. He heard footsteps coming around the bush that hid him from most of the eyes farther up in the yard. 

"There you are, Reid. Garcia was a little worried when she didn't see you," Hotch said as he came into full view. 

"You can tell her I just needed a little silence."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm as good as I can ever be." Spencer looked up at Hotch and saw the pain there on his face. Spencer snorted as he took a drink of his wine. "Go back to the celebration, Hotch."

"We've not talked in awhile."

"No, we haven't. We haven't really talked in five years, two months, a week, a day, and about five hours. I think that everything that needed said was said then." Spencer looked out into the foliage around the property that he could see. He could hear the squeals of the kids as they played and even little Michael was giggling. 

"Spencer-"

"You don't get to call me that anymore, Hotch." Spencer put emphasis on the nickname.

"I wasn't aware that you still resented me and him over that."

"I don't. I don't think about it at all. It's easy to count the time after an event. That's all it is."

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know you didn't. That didn't make it hurt less at the time."

"He-"

"Don't. Just don't. You gave the reasons then and the whys and did what the psychologist suggested. There is no way to change the past and I don't want to drag it up."

"Then why are you sitting here? All alone?"

"Because I was hoping that I'd get a few minutes to get my head on after I just got a call from Bennington about mom. But you didn't ask about that. You assumed that I was upset because of you and Jack. The loss of that. I got over that a very long time ago. I pushed it all down and hid it away because anything else would have broken me more than Hankel ever did."

"I didn't ever want to do that."

"I know that. I know that Jack didn't understand it either. He was just a child and couldn't help how he felt. But there was a reason that I left every single piece of that life behind, Hotch. The only family that I have that I can depend on is me. I didn't want a reminder every single day of the family that I lost."

"I'll send JJ over in a little bit if you are still over here." Hotch walked away and Spencer was glad. He'd need the time to get everything back where it belonged. 

He'd never blamed Jack for what happened. The boy had lost his mother and was scared of losing his father as well and having someone new in the picture, someone that was taking some of his father's time had caused his nightmares to come back. There was no way that Spencer would have ever made Hotch pick him over his son. The only hurt was that instead of just backing off, Hotch had just ended it. It went from having a family, a son that he was loving more and more each day and a man that he loved so much that it had made his heart burst thinking of him to being on the outside and watching as Jack was healed more and more without him there. To watching Hotch move on with Beth. That had hurt because Hotch hadn't even had the decency to even give him a heads up. He'd just heard Rossi waxing over the woman and trying to get the team to push Hotch into asking her out. Rossi had even talked to them all about watching Jack so that Hotch could go on dates. 

Everyone on the team had done that, except for Spencer. He hadn't offered and when confronted with Rossi he'd told him that Jack wouldn't have fun with him and that it was better to just not do that. Hotch never offered and as far as Jack went, today was the first time that he'd been close to the boy since he'd been pushed out of the little family they had been. He didn't hate the lie that he told Hotch. He just hadn't expected the emotions to come back when he'd been doing the magic for Henry and Jack. 

"Your Godson wants you," JJ said as she came around the bush and handed over Michael with little fuss. Setting the diaper bag down and laying the cloth over his shoulder as Michael settled in there with a smile on his sleepy face. "Feel free to use this to get over the mood. He needs to sleep and it's quiet here."

JJ left with a kiss to his cheek and Spencer smiled at her. She'd never asked the name of the person who he had lost just after she had left the team. Sometimes, Spencer thought that she knew but she'd never pressed. It's why he'd put all of his anger onto her in the aftermath of Prentiss's faked death. He couldn't even feel angst at Hotch anymore. 

"I love you so much Michael," Spencer whispered as he closed his eyes, rocking his Godson.


	27. No Regrets by rivermoon1970

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> slight AU and canon divergence.

Aaron was sitting in his rental car in a darkened part of the CalTech covered parking. He knew no one could see him as he sat there, gun on his lap and the tears he had been holding in for weeks silently slipped down his face. Closing his eyes he put the gun under his chin and had his finger on the trigger. He sat like that for what seemed like forever to him, but he couldn’t do it. Oh he wanted to, he wanted to more than anything. His life was falling apart and he saw no other way out.

He was startled out of his thoughts by a knock on his window. At first he thought Gideon had found him, but he knew the man had gone back to the hotel. They had one more lecture planned, but he just didn’t see the point anymore. It felt as if the recruitment pool was getting younger and younger, or it could have just been his imagination, he wasn’t sure anymore. Sighing he rolled his window down and saw one of the young men from the lecture they had just given. It was the one who had a million questions, which had made Aaron almost smile, despite himself.

“Can I help you?” He looked into that too young face and wondered what his son would have looked like. The pain burned in him so hot and blinding at that thought that he shook inside.

“Are you okay?”

Aaron wasn’t sure why he did it. He knew he was in crisis, he also knew this kid could tempt him beyond reason and destroy what little of his life he had left. But, looking into that earnest, open face, Aaron reached out.

“No, not really.”

“Do, do you want to talk about it? I ah, I may ramble, but I’ve been told that I’m a good listener.” Aaron laid his head back on the carseat, studying the boy, contemplating. Sighing, he clicked the unlock and indicated with his head for the young man to join him.

“Do you mind if we get out of here? Go back to my hotel?”

The boy had gotten in, and as he was buckling up he bit his lip and Aaron knew what he was thinking.

“If I were a serial killer, I would have already done it.”

The boy laughed and Aaron let it wash over him.

“So you do have a sense of humor.” The boy smiled a bit as he looked at Aaron.

“I haven’t felt any humor in a long time.”

Aaron saw the boy was still contemplating, then after studying him some more, nodded his head yes. And Aaron was freaking the fuck out on the inside. On the outside, however, he started the car and made his way to the Hilton where he and Gideon were staying. Separate rooms, thank god. Though Aaron knew the risks he was taking, he just didn’t give a fuck.

The ride to the hotel was done in silence and Aaron was still freaking out. His hands gripped the wheel till the whites of his knuckles showed. A hand was laid on his thigh and just that touch made him shiver.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, which in reality on took less than ten minutes, he was pulling into the hotel parking lot.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even get your name.” Aaron turned to the boy.

“Spencer. Spencer Reid.”

“Spencer.” Aaron repeated, nodding to himself as he stepped out of the rental, still wondering what he was doing.

The boy, Spencer, was getting out also. They took the elevator up to the hotel lobby, then quickly made their way to the elevators that would take them to Aaron’s floor. The thought of getting caught terrified him, but there was a part of him that wanted this young man with him. As soon as the elevator doors shut, but after Aaron pushed the button for his floor, he found himself pushed against the wall of the elevator and soft, warm lips were crashing against his, as a hand gripped his tie. He was startled and his mouth dropped open allowing the boy’s tongue to thrust inside his mouth. Aaron moaned and gripped the boy’s too thin hips, pulling him against himself. Their cocks brushed and Aaron hissed at the contact. Thankfully, Spencer pulled away from him just-in-time for the elevator to Aaron’s floor opened, letting them out.

His eyes darted everywhere as he quickly walked to his door knowing he couldn’t stop this, even if he wanted to. He slipped the card in the lock and the two men went inside. Aaron had enough presence of mind to put the do not disturb sign on his door. Gideon, thankfully, wouldn’t think anything of it. He often liked to be alone and undisturbed. He flicked the lock on the door, then he was pushing the boy against the wall and started to devour his mouth. He was giving back as good as he had gotten in the elevator.  
HIs hands quickly worked on Spencer’s trousers, getting them off him. There was a sad, desperate _need_ working itself inside him. The need to take, to feel _something_ other than the overwhelming sadness at the current state of his life. He dropped to his knees and took the boy’s half-hard cock in his mouth and moaned at the feeling. Gipping Spencer’s bony hips, keeping him against the wall, Aaron, sucked and bobbed his head. He heard Spencer’s panting, and moans as his tongue pressed against the cock in his mouth while his mouth moved up and down on it. He felt himself getting harder as he let go and tried to just _feel._

“Fuck,” the boy screamed as hands gripped the sides of his head. Aaron didn’t just want this, he _needed_ it. It was a living, clawing thing that had churned up in his gut. He hummed, against the cock as one hand left a hip and grabbed the boy’s balls, gently rolling them in his hands.

“Jesus, I’m gonna cum,” Spencer cried out as he slammed a hand against the wall. Aaron took the cock further in his mouth, letting the head slip down his throat and a moment later he felt the boy’s hot cum shoot down in his mouth. Letting a tear slip out, Aaron took everything Spencer had. Pulling back he surged up off his knees and once again plundered the boy’s mouth.

“I want to fuck you, I want it so bad. Can I Spencer? Can I fuck you?” Aaron couldn’t even believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. This were things he’d never even said to his wife. He shut his eyes against the memory of Haley as he held Spencer in his arms, that desperation inside him taking on a life of it’s own.

“Yes,” Spencer breathed out.

Aaron yanked him none too gently away from the wall and quickly stripped the boy till he was naked. He wasn’t slow and he wasn’t gentle. He wanted rough, he wanted pain and as he looked in Spencer’s eyes, a sneer on his face, he could tell the boy knew it too.

“I’m not going to break.” Aaron shoved him down on the bed and strode over to his go bag where he grabbed lube and a condom. He hadn’t even known at the time why he packed those things. It was done on autopilot, but he was grateful he had them now.

He threw them on the bed then stripped himself. He took a moment to let his gaze wander the body stretched out before him, almost wanton as Spencer stretched out. Aaron stopped questioning his decision and pounced.

After a few moments of more of that hot, hard kissing, he was practically humping against Spencer’s groin. He sat back and glared down knowing that his whole life would be over if he was caught in this one act, and right then he knew he just didn’t care anymore.

“Turn over on your hands and knees.” Spencer quickly obliged. As soon as he was in position Aaron thrust two slick fingers inside the boy’s hole, making him cry out. Aaron became even more desperate to bury himself inside that tight heat and chase all of his demons away. He quickly ripped the foil and rolled the condom onto his now achingly hard dick. He slicked up the condom just a little, then he was pushing inside. His breath caught in his throat and he had to wait a moment or else he would have cum right there and then.

Aaron pushed all the way in, then gripped the boy’s hips in a tight bruising hold. He didn’t hold back as he fucked into Spencer harder and harder. All of the pain he had been feeling these last few months welled up inside him and it made him growl as he pistoned in and out of Spencer, no longer caring about the boy, he only sought to quell the demons inside him. The screams and cries of the boy spurred Aaron on till he felt that familiar pull pooling inside his groin, just this side of painful. Shutting his eyes tight he slammed in hard, once, twice and on the third hard thrust he was cumming and growled as he clenched his jaw, releasing in the condom. After a moment he got his breath back and reached around and started to pump Spencer’s cock. He stayed buried in the boy’s ass and gloried in the painful clench of muscles around him as Spencer came onto the bedspread underneath him.

Letting his head fall back on his shoulder’s Aaron pulled his softening cock out of Spencer, then collapsed, sobbing as all that pain he had been holding onto broke wide open. He cried even harder when Spencer wrapped around him, holding him through his purge.

When he finally spent and found his voice once again Aaron told Spencer what had happened.

“My wife, she was pregnant with our first child. I was on a case when I got the call. She had been out picking up things for the baby when a drunk driver ran a stop light, striking her, killing her and our baby. I…” A fresh wave of tears threatened to fall and Spencer gently brushed them away. “I haven’t felt like going on without her. Gideon is afraid of me doing something stupid in the field, and frankly so am I. I just…”

Spencer cupped his cheek, and leaned in kissing him.

“The only way you are going to move on is to let it all out. Let yourself heal and let go of the guilt you are feeling for not being there.”

Aaron shut his eyes tight against the pain. A part of him wanted to wrap around Spencer and let himself get lost in the boy, but he knew reality was going to kick in and when it did, it was going to hurt.

“I know I should have asked before, but, just how old are you?”

Aaron could see the minor war going on as it played out on Spencer’s face.

“Don’t lie to me, I want to know just how badly I’ve compromised myself.” Aaron tried for a self-deprecating smile and knew he fell short.

Spencer swallowed a few times before he answered.

“Seventeen.”

“Fuck.” Aaron wiped his face and though guilt pooled in his gut, he knew he wouldn’t have taken any of it back. He knew the boy was young, he also knew he was underage, but frankly he just didn’t give a fuck.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” Aaron touched Spencer’s face with shaking fingers. The boy caught his hand and kissed each finger, soft, tender and the highly intimate moment was breaking Aaron’s heart. He surged off the bed and went to the bathroom to take a shower. Pulling off the condom, he knotted it and wrapped it in tissue and threw it out. He would remember to take the trash with him and dump it elsewhere.

It didn’t surprise him when he was under the hot spray of water that Spencer had joined him. They quickly washed-up, dried off then fell back into bed. Aaron just held Spencer close to him, needing that physical contact.

When it got late they ordered room service and Aaron was again thankful that Gideon left him alone. He really wasn’t in the mood for the older man’s condemnation.

After eating and watching some television, Aaron once again took Spencer. They turned to each other several times during the night and finally fell asleep in the very wee hours of the morning.

The knock on his door surprised him. Aaron threw the covers over Spencer’s still sleeping form and grabbed the hotel robe that was draped over a chair. He opened the door just slightly and saw Gideon there.

“Didn’t see you at all after the lecture. Was wondering if everything was okay.”

“I’m fine Jason.”

Gideon studied him a moment and tried to look past his shoulder. There would be no hiding that there was someone else with him. A raised brow had Aaron’s heart jumping in his chest. Thankfully the man made no comments.

“Wanted to see if you want to get breakfast. Our plane doesn’t leave for another four hours.”

“Sure. Give me an hour?”

“You sure you’re okay Hotch? I know the last few months…” Aaron was glad that Gideon didn’t finish that sentence.

“Yes, everything is fine.” Aaron gave a small smile he knew didn’t reach his eyes. He also knew that Gideon didn't believe him, but was letting him have his space.

“Okay. Lobby in an hour.” Then the man was gone and Aaron sighed his relief.

When he turned around he saw that Spencer was getting dressed. Aaron was almost disappointed that he couldn’t have the boy one more time before they departed.

“For what it’s worth I think your colleague is worried about you. I think you need to talk about this and stop letting it build-up. You have things to live for Aaron, you just need to give yourself a break and let go of the guilt over something that wasn’t your fault.” Spencer walked over to him and wrapped his hands around Aaron’s hips, leaned in and kissed him. “I hope that these last few hours helped in some way.”

Aaron looked at the boy, then lifted his hand and cupped his cheek, “You have no idea Spencer.” Then, that impulsive side that Aaron had been indulging in reared up once more. “Come back with me? I...I don’t want to let you go.” A different pain welled up in him at the thought of leaving Spencer behind.

“I can’t, Aaron. I have too much to finish here. But, I’ll never regret this, just so you know.” Aaron laid his forehead against Spencer’s and took a few shaky breaths.

“Neither will I,” he whispered and knew the words were true. Finally he pulled back and wiped a hand down his face. He grabbed his wallet from the nightstand and turned back to Spencer.

“I want to at least buy you breakfast. Do you want a ride anywhere?”

“No, I know the best ways to get around the city. We aren’t even that far away and I like the walk.”

Aaron pulled out some money and pressed it into Spencer’s hand.

“At least buy yourself a meal.”

“I wasn’t looking for money. I’m not a prostitute Aaron.”

“No, no I, I know, that’s not what I meant. I mean, I would have taken you out anyway for breakfast, but, I, I have to go meet…”

Spencer chuckled and shook his head. “Okay, thank you.”

“No, thank you.” Aaron pressed his business card that had his personal cell written on the back. An unspoken gesture letting Spencer know he could call. The boy kissed him on the cheek, grabbed his bag and left. Aaron rubbed just below his heart, wondering why it was breaking all over again.

Getting himself together he dressed and put his go bag to rights. He did his routine check of the hotel, grabbed the bathroom trash and balled it up, then left. He stopped on a random floor and found one of the cleaning carts where he buried the bag in the trash. His heart pounding the whole time.

Gathering himself together he got back on the elevator and went to meet Gideon for breakfast.

_Three Months Later:_

Aaron was sitting in his office finishing up some reports when Anderson came in with his mail. He set it aside till he was done, which ended up being much later than he anticipated. Finally he sifted through it and one piece stuck out at him, making his heart pound. The name of the sender was Spencer Reid.

With shaking hands Aaron opened it up and pulled out the sheet of paper. Only two words were on it and they were words that could ruin what he had left of his life.

_I’m pregnant._


	28. Mortis Memoria by DarkJediQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly fast forwarded a few years

Spencer didn't like lying. He really didn't but no one on the team understood. So every time that the team got leave, Spencer packed up and went to Vegas. It was good on his bank account as there was little for him to do there but play the casinos. He'd come home even worse mentally than he had been when he'd gone. 

Time after time he repeated it, at least every other month. The only bright spot was that he got to come home to Aaron. They'd talk but even then he didn't tell him. Aaron asked about how the trip was and he'd answer fine as always. 

Year after year she got worse. 

Even when she hadn't known who she was because of her schizophrenia, she'd known on some level that she knew him, thinking he was a student but with her Alzheimer's, there was nothing there. Everything that made her who she was slowly slipped away. Her love of literature was still there but she was so tired all the time that she couldn't read. So Spencer paid for someone to come in for two hours every single day and read to her. It usually drew a crown and other patients at Bennington were settled by it but when Spencer would visit, he could barely stand to see her there, sitting and just not being anywhere near herself. There was no lectures being held that he could slip into and pretend to be an adoring student who absorbed her every single word. 

Spencer looked too much like her for her to even realize in her last days that he was related. 

Diana Reid was barely awake when Spencer arrived every morning of his week of annual leave. Now that she slept most of the time, Spencer could be around her. Even in her moments of being awake, she was barely there. 

Every single year that she taught, she had a class at ten a.m. on Thursday morning. It was her favorite class. So when Spencer was reading to her on Thursday, when ten a.m. hit, he switched from Chaucer to Tristan and Isolde. He didn't stop reading until the story was done and when he looked up, he knew that she wasn't sleeping. Spencer leaned over the bed and kissed her forehead before hitting the button that would call a nurse. There was little to do except for wait for the coroner to arrive to take the body away. Spencer had been cleaning the things out of her room, some given to other residents and the rest were waiting to be shipped back home with him. The books were all going with him. 

The staff were all very kind to him as he waited, holding her ever colder hand. Spencer called the funeral home that was going to handle her cremation. There was going to be no funeral just a memorial tree at the college where Spencer would be burying her ashes. 

The work with the lawyer was the easiest of what he had to do to close out her trust fund and transfer it back into his account with half of it going to Bennington. The house had been sold long before. He did have the lawyer write out a letter to William to let him know that his wife was dead. She had long before cut him out of her will and the lawyer had made sure that no one was doing to be able to fight it. Spencer was sure that his father had life insurance on her and he didn't care who got that money. 

When it was time to leave, Spencer wondered what he was going to tell the team. If he was even going to do it. Spencer had stayed his entire leave there. His flight had already been booked and he hadn't felt like changing it. He'd taken a cab to the airport in DC and was looking forward to just giving the cabbie a few hundred dollars and having him just drive him around the city before finally taking him home just in time for bed. The solitude of his apartment wasn't any different than the solitude of Vegas but at least it wasn't Vegas. 

Disembarking from the plane, Spencer let the crowds carry him to the baggage claim only to find that his things weren't there. He turned to find the desk where he could file a claim when he saw no only Aaron but Jack and Jessica standing there with a sign that said Welcome Home Spencer. One look from Aaron on his face and the man dropped Spencer's bag and went right to him. 

Spencer let himself sag into Aaron's arms. 

"You sounded tired but Spencer, dammit. I could have come to Vegas." Aaron wrapped him in strong arms and just held him there. 

"I needed to do it alone, Aaron. I needed it. This is what I want right now." Spencer buried his head into Aaron's neck and waited to feel Jack hug him as well. He'd felt so cold since he'd arrived in Vegas. He'd known when he'd seen his mother for the first time that she wasn't going to last the week. 

"What else needs done?"

"The last of her things are going to be shipped next week. I just want...noise. I've been locked in silence. Can we just go home and watch a movie and eat dinner and just..." Spencer stopped when he realized what he said. 

"Is that what you want? To move in with me and Jack?" Aaron whispered in his ear and Spencer nodded. He wanted that. He'd lived alone since going to Cal-Tech but he thought that maybe the time for that to change was at hand. 

"Please."


	29. Hidden no Longer by rivermoon1970

Blue energy snapped and crackled around the man as he stood there trying not to the let the looks of anger and betrayal on the faces of his team get to him. Taking a deep breath he pulled the energy back to him, and started to bend down to cuff the man on the ground. When he heard the click of a safety on a gun being turned off he stopped and looked-up to see Morgan with a gun pointed at his head, his expression full of anger and pain.

 

“I’m just going to cuff him Morgan.”

 

“Stand-up Hotch.”

 

“Morgan, what are you doing?”

 

“You’re a Mutant.”

 

Aaron closed his eyes to steady his emotions as he stood, hands up in supplication.

 

“Yes.”

 

The face he looked towards was one he never wanted to lie to, never wanted to hurt, but seeing the pain in his eyes he knew he had. 

 

“Spencer. I was going to tell you, at our dinner.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell us Hotch? Why did you keep this to yourself?”

 

Aaron’s whole body was taut with tension as he looked over the faces of his team. Guns pointed at him and his heart was pounding in his chest.

 

“Because the Bureau made me sign a non-disclosure agreement. I would be allowed into the field, if I promised never to reveal myself until the time they saw fit. I couldn’t tell you, any of you.”

 

“That’s bullshit. You coulda said somethin’ Hotch. We’ve been working with you for years. You hold many of our secrets, we would have held yours.”

 

“I couldn’t take that chance, Morgan. But, it doesn’t matter now. I’ve outed myself, the Bureau won’t be happy.” Aaron’s heart was pounding hard in his chest at the thought of losing everything he had worked so hard for. He knew this one event would ruin not only his career, but the long goal of finally accepting Mutants into the Bureau. He frowned and hated that the Professor had been right. It had been foolish of him to try. He should have just gone back to the only place that ever felt like home after Foyet’s attack. But, he stuck it out and now here he was, on the verge of losing everyone and  everything.

 

“Wha-what are you saying Hotch?” Spencer’s voice was rough with emotion as he wrapped his arms around his waist.

 

“I breached my contract Reid. It means I lose my job, and from the looks on your faces, I’ve lost my friends as well.” Aaron lowered his hands and stared at Morgan, almost daring him to shoot him. “Are you going to shoot me?”

 

JJ lowered her weapon and put it away. She ran towards Aaron and pulled him into a hug.

 

“You haven’t lost all of us. I’m still your friend Hotch. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you, but you have me.”

 

___________________________________________________

 

In the end, even JJ’s friendship wasn’t enough. Aaron outing himself on the case was a serious breach of his contract. The Bureau let him go. He had needed to get away from the city, away from DC, and there was only one place he could think of. The place he had once called home. He just hoped he was still welcomed there. He hadn’t left on the best of terms, he just hoped the Professor would have forgiven him by now.

 

Taking a deep breath he buzzed the front gate and heard Logan’s growl asking who it was. Chuckling, despite the situation he announced himself.

 

“Well, ‘bout damn time.” Was the only response he got in return.

 

Shaking his head and with a heavy heart he drove through and parked. He sat there for a few moments gripping the steering till his knuckles were white, head bowed and trying to stem the storm of emotions raging inside him. A bit of energy crackled around him, and he knew he was losing control. He hadn’t wanted it to come to this. He had wanted to show everyone, the Professor, the Bureau, everyone that Mutants and Humans could work side by side with no problems. But, it all fell apart as fast as he was falling apart. 

 

A knock on his window had him looking up into a face he hadn’t seen in too long.

 

“Ororo.” Aaron sighed as he rolled down his window.

 

“You would get more accomplished, little brother, by coming inside instead of sitting in your car. There are many who have missed your face around here.” The compassion and love in her voice broke his heart. This had been his family and he had left them, abandoned them for a dream. He tried to stop the tears that fell, but he just couldn’t.

 

“I don’t even know why I’m here,” he said through the shaky breath he took. 

 

“Because, Aaron, whatever else has happened, we have always been and will always be your family.”

 

“I don’t deserve it Ororo. I failed. I failed and I lost almost everything. He’s the only good thing I have left.” Aaron looked in his rearview mirror to his sleeping son in his car seat.

 

“No, Aaron. You tried something no one else wanted to. You are a brave man, now come inside.” 

 

Trying to believe the words she said to him, Aaron rolled up the window and exited the car. He carefully got Jack out of his carseat and held him close. After locking the car he followed behind Storm and walked into the Xavier School for the Gifted. He hadn’t set foot inside in so long, but walking across the threshold felt like coming home. He was led to the kitchen, where several others were there, waiting.

 

“Aaron.” Scott Summers smiled at him and Aaron tried to smile back. He looked around and saw friends he had grown up with welcoming him back. His heart stuttered in his chest as he took a shaky breath. No one said anything until Jean Grey came up and laid a hand on his arm.

 

“Welcome home.” Smiling she wrapped him in her arms and held him close. That was all it took for the others to embrace him.

 

“Alright, let him breathe mes amies. Come, dere’s a bed with y’r name on it.” Gambit led Aaron to a room that was perfect for him and Jack. “Who de bebe cher?”

 

“This is Jack, mine and Haley’s.” Aaron choked on his wife’s name as he laid Jack down on the bed. “She’s gone Rem, and it’s my fault.” Aaron sat on the other bed and wiped his face. This was all too much.

 

“I’m sorry Aaron. I can’t imagine…”

 

“I know. It happened last year. I...I don’t want to talk about it. Not yet at least.”

 

“Get some sleep. We don’t need to know unless you wanna tell us cher.” Aaron was comforted by the warm honeyed accent of Remy LeBeau. Taking a deep breath he thanked his friend, then crawled into bed and quickly fell asleep.

 

____________________________________________

 

Several days had passed and Aaron and the Professor talked, and settled their differences. He still didn’t know what he was going to do. The Bureau, thankfully, hadn’t outed him, but it didn’t mean that rumors hadn’t gotten out. The Professor told him to take his time, and Jack was having fun with the other children at the school. So, it was a shock when he had a visitor.

 

“There’s someone to see you Aaron.” Rogue had found him in Scott’s office, helping him out with paperwork.

 

“Who?”

 

“I don’t know darlin’, he wouldn’t give a name. Harmless though, and he’s awful cute.” She smirked as she sashayed away. Anna Marie was as bad of a flirt as Gambit was and Aaron just sighed. Slowly he stood and went out to the foyer. He stopped dead in his tracks to see Spencer there.

 

“How did you find me?”

 

“You didn’t disable the tracker in your phone.” Spencer looked around with trepidation in his eyes.

 

“No one is going to hurt you Spencer.”

 

The younger man took a breath and slowly let it out.

 

“I know that,” he said a little defensively.

 

“Spencer, go home.” A part of Aaron didn’t want him to leave, but the other part, the part that no longer hoped, wanted him to just go.

 

“Can we talk? Please Aaron?” The pleading in Spencer’s voice churned something in Aaron’s gut. He was torn, but in the end he waved for Spencer to follow him. They went out to the gardens where Aaron always had found comfort.

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure.” Aaron sighed as they strolled.

 

“Was Haley a mutant? I...I know you talked about how you met...where you met…”

 

Aaron turned towards a rosebush and lightly ran his fingers over the new, tender blooms.

 

“Yes, she was. She could accelerate the growth of plants and flowers. Not all Mutant powers are offensive. There are many that have passive powers. She loved hers and it was what made her go into horticulture. She wanted to know. This is one of hers.” Aaron took a shaky breath as he carefully ghosted his hands over the bush.

 

“I’m sorry Aaron.”

 

“It’s not your fault Spencer.” Aaron wiped a hand over his face and started walking again. “What do you want Spence? Why are you really here?” He couldn’t quite keep the pain and resentment out of his voice.

 

“I missed you.” The young man bowed his head and tucked his hair behind his ear. Aaron had fought the urge to touch and that one gesture was driving him crazy.

 

“You missed me. Hm, you avoided me for the three weeks that I had to clean-up my files and clean-out my office. You didn’t come see me till I was practically walking out the door. When I tried to talk to you, you turned away. Now, you say you missed me? What the fuck Spencer?” Aaron didn’t even try to hide the hurt he had felt over how Spencer had treated him.

 

“I’m sorry. I know I acted poorly. I only thought of myself and couldn’t see how you were being affected by everything. I only thought how it affected me.”

 

“What do you want from me Spencer? I can’t go back, the Bureau made it very clear to me that I no longer had a place there.” And the pain of that was still so fresh.

 

“I want...I want whatever it was we started. I want that date we were going to go on. I want to be with you. I don’t care that you’re a Mutant.”

 

Aaron stopped again and looked out where the kids were playing. Some were playing around with their powers, with Jean and Jubilee making sure no one was getting hurt. He smiled as he looked to see Jack being bounced in the air, his laughter peeling out warming Aaron’s heart.

 

“I don’t know Spencer. I just don’t know.” 

 

He looked back out to the kids, he didn’t want to look at Spencer anymore. He felt the younger man move up to him when his comm beeped. He looked down at it and sighed.

 

“Go home Spencer. Go home and forget about me, about us because there isn’t an us. That died the day of our last case together.” Aaron turned and strode away, his heart breaking all over again. 

 

When he got to the house he learned they had a mission and Aaron was all too happy to go. They were to rescue a group of mutant children that had been kidnapped. He put Spencer out of his mind because he just couldn’t deal with it.

 

When they got back three days later, exhausted, hurt, but safe with all the kids rescued and returned to their parents, Aaron knew it was a good day.  Before he went and cleaned-up he wanted to grab some water from the kitchen. When he got there he frowned.

 

“I told you to leave,” Aaron growled as his eyes sparked with anger.

 

“I’m not leaving. Not till we finish our conversation.” Spencer stood and looked him up and down. “What the hell happened to you?”

 

Aaron strode to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. He started to stride back out, but his shoulder drooped.

 

“Fine, we can talk, but I need a shower.” He walked away, not expecting Spencer to follow, but he did. Walking in he saw a note for him, Logan and Remy were watching Jack. Aaron was happy at how Jack was adjusting. He ignored the younger man as he sat on Jack’s bed. Taking off the suit, which needed repairs, he would take it to Forge later, but now he just wanted to get clean. It was a few minutes later when he stepped out feeling a little better.

 

“I told you to go home.”

 

“Not going to happen.”

 

“Reid. There’s nothing for you here.” Aaron tried to hold in his emotions but failed when a tear fell down his face. “I am what I am Spencer. A Mutant. I can’t get rid of it, I can’t change it, though there were times I wished I could. You’re better off without me.”

 

“Do you really believe that? Do you really believe that you still don’t want me, want this that I still feel is between us? Do you think I, of all people, don’t understand? I may not be a Mutant Aaron, but my intelligence has made me feel like an outsider.”

 

“And how would we make this work? Even if we could. You are in Virginia, I’m here. Technically I’m now an outlaw.” Aaron huffed out a laugh. He had so staunchly believe in the law, and now he was here, breaking it. “If they found out, they would crucify you Spencer. A human willingly having a relationship with an outlaw Mutant? How do you think that would look?” Aaron gripped the edge of the bed, his whole body tight with the emotions running through him.

 

“I don’t know, I don’t. But, I don’t want to let you go.” 

 

Aaron turned and lifted a hand, cupping Spencer’s cheek.

 

“You have to. You have to leave here and forget about me. It isn’t just your career you could ruin Spencer, but your academic credibility, all of your accolades and achievements would come into question. You’re whole life would come under scrutiny, and I...I can’t let that happen.”

“Kiss me, please I need to know.”

 

Aaron closed his eyes and leaned in kissing Spencer for the first time. It was soft and slightly chaste, but it was the most beautiful thing in the world. Spencer pushed him down on the bed and the kissing continued, deepened, turning passionate and painful all at once. When they didn’t stop, and Spencer was wrapped around him, riding him, pleasure swamped the both of them. Then, laying together in a sticky, sweaty mess Aaron let the tears fall.

 

“That shouldn’t have happened.”

 

“I’m not going to regret it. We  _ can _ make this work, I’m sure we can.” Aaron heard the slight hesitation in Spencer’s voice and knew this was their one and only time together. There was too much that could go wrong, and he was determined not to be the cause of Spencer’s life falling apart.

 

Aaron didn’t say anything as he stood and went to his small bathroom to clean-up. Spencer soon followed suit. He allowed the younger man to stay for the night. In the morning they made tentative plans to see each other soon. Aaron’s heart shattered as he watched Spencer leave.

 

Knowing he had to let Spencer go, that the young man wouldn’t see reason, he went to the Professor.

 

“Aaron, you shouldn’t do this. That young man loves you.”

 

“And I’ll ruin his life Charles. I can’t let that happen. Please, help me.”

 

The professor reluctantly agreed. A few days later, Aaron and Jack disappeared. 

 

Spencer came back to the mansion just like he promised and when he found out Aaron was gone, part of him knew. He knew Aaron was, once again trying to protect him, but it didn’t mean that his heart didn’t shatter. He would always cherish the one night he had and hoped that someday Aaron would come back. Until then he would go back home, go back to his job and try to continue on without the love of his life.

 

Aaron stood on the deck of the Starjammer looking out into space. Jack next to him holding on tight. It was the only way. The only way to disappear so Spencer wouldn’t look for him. He needed to keep him safe. His heart was shattered as he left the love of his life behind as he left Earth behind unknowing if he’d ever return.


	30. S/G 1-To Lessen the Pain by DarkJediQueen

No one questioned it after Foyet was dead and gone. Hotch had been on the cusp of coming online for so long that in the wake of waking up from the stabbing and having to hide his child. It wasn't any wonder that the new Sentinel was given a hunting order. George Foyet was found by a bonded pair in Maryland two weeks later. The Center had put out the word that he wasn't to be harmed just found. 

Hotch had been notified and released from work to go on the hunt. Three hours after he'd stepped out of the Bureau issued SUV, the empathic event from it was felt all the way in DC. Hotch was a high level Sentinel so of course a Guide search was done. After Foyet was dead. He hadn't consented to one before that because he wasn't going to put a Guide in danger. 

When the highest ranking pair in the DC area came to visit Hotch just days after Foyet was gone, no one questioned when they left again quickly looking a little scared. 

Rossi brought up the word Guide once in relation to Hotch just weeks later and Hotch just looked at him until he shut up. It was never brought up again. Spencer though had been waiting for a call that never came. So he chalked it up to wishful thinking, that Hotch could be his Sentinel. It had felt like it from the moment that they'd met. 

There had been a moment in time in the middle of an ER where Spencer had thought that Hotch would come online. It had passed like every single other moment. For months, after New York, Spencer had thought that Hotch and him were growing even closer. He'd been an ear to listen to Hotch and not condemn him for his thoughts. Then after Foyet, Hotch all but disappeared from his life. 

It wasn't until after Prentiss's return that Spencer realized exactly how far away from him Hotch was anymore. Hotch hadn't said a thing for the blowup that Spencer had had at JJ in the station but Spencer knew that he never would have done it if she hadn't kind of forced him to. He'd apologized to Hotch after the case was over and the man said nothing. 

Spencer was sure that Hotch and Rossi had forgot that he was there and in fact in Rossi's office. The man had let him use it while he helped on a case with the IRT. 

"You need a Guide, Hotch. Your senses are blowing and you need to just give in."

There was no one else in the the bullpen and if Spencer tried to leave, they would all see it. There was no way to leave and with the emotions that they were both projecting enough that Spencer couldn't block them out. Their words couldn't be blocked either.

"I'm fine, Dave. Stay out of this."

"No. You are not fine. You are so far from fine that you can't even see the city lights of fine. Why won't you just accept that Guide? I saw the match reports on him. It's a near fucking perfect match but you won't even meet him."

"He's better off without me," Hotch said in a tone that if it had been anyone else talking to him, Spencer was sure the person would have run away.

"Because why? He'd be able to get on a civilian consultant. I'm sure that we'd figure out a way to get him to help on cases, even if it's just babysitting us all and helping JJ and you with the media things."

"Just drop it."

"No. Because I'm close to reporting you to Erin but the Center as well. Unless you can give me a damned good reason why you won't even try."

"He's sixteen years younger than me Dave."

"And? Age doesn't matter. That hole inside of him isn't going to allow him to resent you for your age. He's gone a while without you already."

"He doesn't need another burden in his life and a late coming online Sentinel who can't even get full control of his emotions around his son when he has a nightmare and an ex-wife who would resent him for being what she never could be is not something that I need in my life."

"Another? What kind of information did the Center give you on him? How can you know he has any burden at all?"

Hotch was silent. The silence was more damning than anything else he would have said.

"The Center doesn't share that information and given that you don't exactly run around in the circles that would allow you to know that information on someone that was sixteen years your younger. That can only mean that you near perfect match of a Guide is Reid."

Spencer had got to that point long before Rossi so he was moving files around and let himself drop down on top of them like he'd been working and passed out. He'd done it before on late nights and he'd been helping the IRT for a few days so no one was shocked. He made sure that his head was turned away from the door and closed his eyes tight. Mimicking his sleep breathing was easy, he'd learned to do it at a young age. 

"Reid who is currently working in my office."

There was the sound of footsteps and Spencer kept his breathing, locking down on his emotions because there was no way that he could fake sleeping if his emotions were bleeding out. The steps stopped at the door and Spencer inhaled and exhaled, inhaled and exhaled as he waited for the steps to go away. After a few minutes they did and he listened as they moved down the hall and then into Hotch's office, he assumed. 

Spencer gave it a half of an hour before he cleaned up the desk and vacated Rossi's office. It was a long weekend for all of the team but Spencer had planned on coming into the office in case the IRT needed him. He'd just keep Monty busy in his office instead of taking over Rossi's again. The long working weekend was going to be perfect. He just modified his plans with a stop at the Center. 

XxXxXxX

It wasn't until the first case where his muted abilities were in fact a hindrance instead of a help that the team noticed that he wasn't like himself. There were drugs out there, legal ones that helped to puress Guide abilities in those that were not bonded. Spencer wasn't on the BAU for his Guide abilities but on more than one case they had helped. It wasn't anything that compromised the case but it was something that Spencer knew that he'd need to keep an eye on.

"When did you start to take the suppressors?" JJ asked as the team was packing up to leave. "You said after Hankel that you didn't like the way they made you feel."

"It was better than the ache that I couldn't hide anymore."

"Why didn't you talk to me? Or Morgan?"

"Because it's my life and my choice."

"Spence..."

Spencer just sighed and JJ took it as what he meant it to be. He didn't want to talk about it. 

However just two hours later, Morgan wasn't going to let it drop. Even slipping on his MP3 player headphones and listening to music didn't deter the man. Instead of saying what he was wanting to say, Morgan was projecting it at him. Spencer ripped his headphones off his ears and looked at the man who was across from him.

"You told me that you had a partial bond with your Sentinel that you'd passed by them somewhere and your abilities had linked with him or her."

"That's what the resident Guide doctor told me at the Center but that bond has never got any farther and the ache was more than I could handle. I came online as a Guide at a horrible time. The CEnter has always watched me closely because of it. It was thankful that the Doctor at the hospital recognized what had happened because otherwise, I could have become addicted to Dilaudid trying to make it all go away. I started to take the suppressors months ago. When I was sleeping way more than I should have been and wasn't getting enough at the same time. I had to balance what I felt was best for me vs what I didn't really want to do. My headaches are gone. They think that it's the bond that was causing that."

"Did they do a new search for you?"

"I got the same results but if a Sentinel has rejected me, I'd never know it."

"And they can't force them to reconsider?"

"I don't want a Sentinel who has to be forced to bond with me, Morgan. I can still be what this team needs without a Sentinel. Now that I know my issue, I can correct it. The only other option is to leave DC. See how I do away from here but that's not what I want."

"Just don't...don't leave us out like this again. I don't care that you are on the pills, man. I just wish we wouldn't have been blindsided with it all. That we didn't see it before now."

"I'll tell you what I tell you every single time. It's my life Morgan and I am going to do what I feel is best, even if you don't think that it is."

Spencer closed his eyes and hoped that it would be left at that. He'd not said the time he'd started the suppressors because he didn't want Hotch to know that he knew. He didn't want to leave and if Hotch didn't want him, he'd not make him feel guilty.


	31. Hidden No Longer Part 2 by rivermoon1970

“Willow,” Aaron screamed as D’Ken’s blade struck. Aaron was stunned for a moment, then struck out with his energy whips his anger as much of a living thing as his power. He and D’Ken had become enemies for no other reason than Aaron had given his allegiance to his sister, Llandra. The tyrant had tried to get Aaron on his side, his belief that humans were weak and that he would have an advantage over his sister with someone like Aaron. Of course D’Ken knew nothing about Aaron and the type of people he used to hunt.

A feeling of satisfaction seeing D’Ken’s alien blood run down his face after his whips hit, scared even him. But, he was past angry as fury rose up and fuelled his powers. Pushing the tyrant back Aaron wondered where Corsair and the rest of the Jammer’s were. Aaron also felt a sick glee at the fear he saw in D’Ken’s eyes. This was worse than Foyet, because Aaron was reveling in D’Ken’s fear and pain. When the tyrant turned to run away Aaron made to run after him, but a strong hand clamped down on his shoulder.

“Let him go Aaron, you need to see to Willow.” Between one breath and the next his awareness slammed back into him as the words struck to the very core of him. Turning, he ran back and there on the floor, bleeding out from the sword wound to her stomach, Aaron’s wife was dying.

“No,” he screamed as he dropped to his knees and pulled the woman to him. “No, you can’t leave me Will, please, don’t do this.” Anadin, the new medic that was travelling with the Jammer’s was doing everything she could to help. But, there were some wounds that even her advanced medical training couldn’t heal.

“I have fought by your side gladly these last four years.” Willow grunted through the pain as Anadin tried to stop the bleeding. When her diagnostic hologram showed that D’Ken’s sword hit vital organs, they all knew nothing would help. Coupled with the fact that the tyrant was known to use poisons on his blades, Aaron knew it was a losing battle that Anadin was fighting. 

“Promise me, my love, raise our daughter in the light. Don’t,” Willow’s breathing became labored and Aaron tried to shush her, to stop her movements, but she was stubborn. “Don’t let my Uncle take her. He’ll use her and twist her. Hide her, raise her in the light. Let her know her know you love her. Let her know her brother.” Willow swallowed against the pain as Aaron tried to shield her from his emotions. “I love you.” Were the last words on her lips. 

Aaron pushed Anadin and Corsair away from him and raised a shield up around him and Willow. This was too much, to much like Haley, even the words were similar and it was tearing Aaron to shreds. He wasn’t letting anyone get near them.

“You didn’t give me chance to tell you I love you Will.” He pulled her body in close, not caring if he got blood all over him and broke. “I love you.” Battle fatigue finally took Aaron under as he collapsed next to his wife, the shield went down and the Jammer’s were able to get to them. Corsair and another crew member picked Aaron up and took him to his room on the ship. Anadin administered a tranquilizer to help keep Aaron sedated till they got back to Llandra’s ship. He then went and took care of Willow himself. 

Corsair sat in the captain’s chair sipping from a glass of rare scotch he had purchased last time they had been on Earth. It was with a heavy heart that he steered the Starjammer towards the Shi’ar homeworld. He knew more than one heart was going to be broken. Thoughts of his own lost wife and the children he left behind on Earth plagued his mind as he stared out at the stars, his own heart heavy with grief.

____________________________________________

Aaron stood there on the palace steps, Jack clinging to him while he held the baby in his arms. The whole of the capital was there and mourning with him. He couldn’t help comparing Haley’s funeral with that of Willow’s. Two very different women whom he loved each in his own way. As he took a shuddering breath, silent tears betrayed his stoicism. Their affair and wedding would have been the stuff of tabloids back on Earth, and Aaron almost laughed, but he didn’t. He couldn’t even bring himself to speak. When it was finally over, he retreated with his children to the family wing of the palace. He put the baby in her crib, she had been falling asleep in his arms.

Jack was solemn. He had grown to love Willow and the two of them were often inseparable. Aaron wasn’t sure how much more his son could take. Looking around everything reminded him of the life he was trying to build here. The knock didn’t startle him, he was almost expecting it.

Opening the door he wasn’t surprised to see Llandra standing there, just as regal and beautiful as Willow had been wild and passionate. A product, Aaron suspected, more of father than mother.

“Aaron. I have heard of the plans you’re making. I have not told Charles yet, I...I couldn’t bring myself when we last spoke.”

“I’ll do it, when I see him.”

“I have a feeling you have delivered similar news much too often.” Llandra stepped over to one of the couches and sat down. Aaron lowered himself into a chair across from her.

“A lifetime ago, it seems.” His hands wrapped around the glass of alcohol he had poured for himself. 

“You’re a good father Aaron, and a good man. I often wonder if being out here hasn’t changed you too harshly. For what it’s worth, I think you are making the right decision. My daughter was right, you cannot let my brother get his hands on Liana. There is such potential in your child. And as much as it pains me, I think you’ll be safer on Earth.”

“I’m sorry Llandra. I’m sorry I couldn’t save her.” A fresh wave of pain and guilt hit him as he looked down and gripped the glass. A soft laugh had him looking up.

“My daughter was wild and impulsive. No matter how much I tried to tame her, it was never to be. I came to the conclusion long ago that someday I was going to lose her to her own impulsiveness. You, Aaron, you were the only being in all the universe that was able to tame my wild creature of a daughter. She loved you and though I know a part of your heart always belonged to another, in your own way, you loved her too.”

“I did. A part of me wants to stay. Jack, he’s grown to love it around here. I think he’s charmed just about every guard in the palace. I know the cooks slip him extra sweets.” Aaron smiled despite the situation. “Am I doing the right thing Llandra? Ripping him away from here, uprooting him again feels wrong.”

“As parents we can only try to do what we think is right. You don’t just have Jack now, but you have Liana as well. I know, Aaron, that whatever decision you make, it will be the right one for not only the children, but yourself as well.” Llandra stood and for a moment Aaron saw Willow. Taking a deep breath he followed his mother-in-law to the door. Llandra spun and in a rare show of affection towards him, she grabbed him in a tight hold and held on for a moment. Then the moment was gone, and Queen Llandra replaced her. She nodded, then swept out of the room, regal and elegant, and Aaron was left to his grief.

_________________________________________________

A week later the StarJammer was orbiting Earth and Corsair took Aaron and the children down to Earth in a shuttlecraft. When they landed, Aaron gathered Jack and Liana, then exited the craft. He had tried to talk Chris into seeing his sons, Scott and Alex, but he said he needed to get back. Dropping their things, Corsair took off leaving Aaron standing near the X-Men mansion with son, baby, and their few belongings. Thankful for the baby carrier, he secured Liana in it and carefully slung it around his back, securing it around his chest and waist. Bending he grabbed two of the satchels, and Jack grabbed the other. Together they made the trek to the main house. As they got closer Aaron felt eyes on them the whole way there.

Aaron ignored the looks he was getting for he had a single destination, and wasn’t going to be deterred. He was in luck when he saw that the Professor was in his office. He wasn’t surprised when Charles looked up, but wasn’t shocked. Aaron shut the doors and delivered the news. Aaron took the harness off and in seconds he was holding his daughter.

“This is Liana, you’re granddaughter.” Aaron held her out for Charles to take. He had never seen the leader of the X-Men so shaken up as he took the infant in his arms. 

“She looks just like her mother.” Charles ghosted a hand over her cheek and in that moment, Aaron knew he had made the right decision into coming back. “Thank you. I wasn’t the best father, but I loved her.”

“She knew, Charles. She knew you loved her and she knew, like with her mother, you had bigger responsibilities. She never resented you.” As the two men sat together, memories of the woman they both had loved sat between them, the door to the office opened and a young man entered without even looking-up. 

“Professor, I think I know the flaw in the new design of the suits. I’ve been working with Forge and we know we can improve their efficiency by at least fifteen percent. The only problem is, we need more carbon fiber. I have the projected costs here, if you will just look at this for…” The young man stopped in his tracks as he finally looked up.

“Spencer!” Jack yelled and ran at the young man and wrapped himself around his legs.

“Aaron.” Spencer stared as Aaron stood. 

“Spencer, what are you doing here?”

Breathing deep a few times, it took a moment for Spencer to speak.

“I ah, came back to meet you, like we planned, but I knew. I knew you were gone. The Professor offered me a job, and I stayed. Hoping...”

Aaron couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, he was stuck. It wasn’t until the baby started fussing that the spell was broken. Aaron shook himself and took the baby in his arms.

“Aaron, there is a suite of rooms that was meant for...well, it was meant for a family. You are welcome to them, considering you’re now my son-in-law.” Charles put on a fake smile and Aaron easily saw through it. He knew the Professor was going to grieve in private. 

“Thank you. It’s been a long few days. Here. Llandra wanted you to have this. A hologram from the memorial.” Aaron’s hand shook as he handed the small projector to the Professor.

“Thank you.” Aaron nodded and grabbed his things and thanked all the gods he could that Spencer had stayed quiet and wasn’t asking him a million questions. He knew that would come later. “My door is always open, if you need to talk.”

Aaron thanked the Professor then gathered his children and their things and made his way to the rooms Charles had given him a key to. Once inside, he noted it was spacious. The main room, a master bedroom and bath towards the back, a baby’s room next to it and a smaller children’s room on the other side.

Since there wasn’t a crib yet, Aaron took pillows and made a cradle to keep Liana from rolling off. He centered her then went to check on Jack. He leaned in the doorway and looked over at his son.

“Hey buddy, you doing okay?”

Jack looked down at the floor as he sat on the bed. He shrugged his shoulder and sighed.

“I know. I’m sorry Jack. Part of me thinks we should have stayed.”

“Don’t say that Dad. I loved it. I’m sorry about Willow. I miss her.”

“I do to buddy. We both have a really big responsibility now. Think you’re up for helping me?”

Jack nodded and hugged his father tight. Aaron knew Jack’s powers were surfacing. He had been waiting for it. When he felt his son’s forehead he could feel that he was a little feverish. 

“Why don’t you take a nap. I’ll see about fixing something for us to eat later, okay?”

“Okay.” Jack slipped off his Shi’ar clothing then snuggled down into bed. He was out before Aaron could even see about reading him a story. Taking a moment he left the room and closed the door. He peeked in on Liana, and saw the baby was fast asleep. Shutting the door Aaron collapsed on the couch and closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe that yet again, he’s circled back to the one place he could always call home.

Aaron hadn’t realized he had fallen asleep till he was waking-up. He frowned for a moment, not recognizing where he was. Soft talking was coming from another part of the suite. Sitting up the blanket that had been tucked around him slipped off. Aaron shook his head then stood and, first, went to check on the baby. She was still there tucked in the next of pillows. He went right to her and picked her up, cradling her in his arms. 

“I know you don’t understand what’s going on Li, but I made you a promise. I will always take care of you and cherish you. You will know who your mother was and I’ll never let you forget that she loved you so much.” Aaron’s breath caught in his throat as he reigned in his own emotions. He stroked Liana’s cheek and lost the fight with himself when tears slid down his face.

Aaron was so focused on his daughter he didn’t hear anyone come into the bedroom. He only realized he wasn’t alone when he felt the bed dip and a hand gently touched his arm.

“I came up to talk, but you were dead asleep on the couch. I checked on Jack and he was up reading. Logan and Scott brought a crib up and put it in the side room. Shana buffered the noise so you wouldn’t wake.”  
“Why did you stay?” Aaron asked as he looked down at his daughter.

“Because I knew one day you’d be back.”

“How could you possibly know that?” Aaron slowly stood and walked to the little nursery. There was more than just a crib. A dresser and a changing table had been put in as well. “How long was I out?”

“About six hours. A bunch of them jumped into their cars and made a run at the children’s stores. Looking at you, you need a run at the store as well.”

After putting Liana in the crib Aaron looked down at himself. He almost laughed at how he looked. He was still wearing the leathers that were so common among the Shi’ar.

“And I knew you’d be back because I know you Aaron. Something would have eventually driven you home, and I wanted to be here. And before you get all righteous, yes I do go on missions, and yes I can take care of myself. I seem to have as much of aa knack for talking down rogue Mutants as I do UnSubs.”

Aaron looked at Spencer and his heart ached. He desperately wanted to take Spencer into his arms and hold him, but then he thought how he had buried Willow just a few days before. His resolve almost broke when a warm hand cupped his cheek and traced the scar on his face.

“What happened?” Spencer asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Bad side of a tryrants mercs.” Aaron explained.

“You are going to have to do better than that.” Spencer huffed out as he walked away.

“What do you want from me Spencer? Do you really want anything to do with me after I got someone else I loved killed? I was a wreck after I left. I loved...love you, but I was doing what I thought was right, and it near broke me Spencer. Then, there she was. Tall, black hair, wild. She helped me, trained me and, I, I don’t know what happened before either of us knew it, we were getting married. Her Uncle is a tyrant. Him and his sister have been at war with each other for a long time. 

“D’Ken struck out when he crashed the wedding. There were too many of his men, but thankfully all they wanted was me.” Aaron sat on the bed and scrubbed his face. He laughed softly, “And what did my new wife do? She mounted a rescue party. There was a lot about her that reminded me of you. Her tenacity, her ability to call me out when I’m being an utter ass. She was smart, you both would have been able to talk about so many things. She knew the forests of her homeworld like the back of her hand.” Aaron stood and paced. He kept looking at Spencer, and it was as if the floodgates had opened and he just started talking. Telling him everything.

“I finally knew, Spencer. I knew what it was you suffered in that cabin. He suppressed my powers, kept me...bound and drugged. I felt helpless. I didn’t think anyone was coming and there was a moment, a single moment when I looked into D’Ken’s eyes and knew, I just knew I was going to die, and I accepted it. Then all hell broke loose and there she was, all righteous fury.” Aaron stopped pacing and backed against the wall he slid down as the grief hit him again.

“She knew where half of my heart lay and she still loved me. I didn’t deserve it. I tried to give her everything and then...then she was gone.”

Spencer stood and dropped down next to Aaron and pulled the man into his arms.

“I’m sorry Aaron. I’m so sorry. I wish I could take your pain away. I wish I could reassure you that nothing is going to happen to me, but life isn’t like that. Life is fucked-up and not fair. I can’t change what you’ve been through, but I’m here, Aaron. I stayed, hoping you’d come back, knowing you’d need me, somehow, that’s why I’m here. I’m not angry at you anymore. A part of me understood why you left, and then working here, and seeing what Mutants go through, I began to understand your fear, and I stopped being angry.” Spencer crawled into Aaron’s lap and looked him in the eyes. “I wanted to stop loving you, but nothing I did could stop it. I know you aren’t in a good place, but I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Aaron sucked in a breath and wrapped himself around Spencer. Though he had grieved, he hadn’t truly let go and here, now, in Spencer’s arms he let it all go. He had expected this to go so differently. He had been on the receiving end of Spencer’s temper a time or two, but he didn’t expect this. Spencer was right, he wasn’t nearly ready for anything with him, but he also didn’t want to be alone. 

“Can…” Aaron swallowed back his emotions as he looked in Spencer’s eyes. “I know it’s not fair to ask, but can you stay with me? Just, I just need...”

Spencer smiled and cupped his cheek, “Always Aaron.”


	32. S/G 2-One Sided by DarkJediQueen

Spencer woke up with a groan. He wasn't sure where he was but he knew that it was dark. He knew that he wasn't alone. He knew that he was in pain. When he tried to move, whoever was with him would push him back down. The hands were rough but kind. He stopped moving after the third time. Spencer tried to open his eyes but the light was blinding so he shut them again. What he had seen though was Hotch. 

"I'm okay, Hotch," Spencer said with another groan as he cataloged every single injury on his body. It wasn't until he realized that he hadn't heard his own words that he looked at Hotch again. Hotch was just staring at him. "Hotch?"

Hotch though didn't even try and speak he just looked at Reid with a weird look on his face. Spencer though pushed all thoughts of him out of his head. He hadn't heard himself that time either. Spencer started to hum and felt up to his adam's apple and it was vibrating but he couldn't hear it. He was deaf. At least temporarily deaf. 

"What's going on?" Spencer asked. Hotch looked away from him and towards where the door was. It opened and the growl that Hotch let out, Spencer could feel in his chest. The man at the door threw in a few wrapped sandwiches and a case of bottled water then he shut the door. The case came back to Spencer. The UnSub was taking two random people and locking them up for days, and even weeks to see what they did. Studied them. Humans, Guides, and Sentinels. Random pairings across a total of nine states. The main focus was Tennesse and the people were taken from Tennessee's eight border states. This was the first time that the UnSub had taken a pair that knew each other much less a Sentinel and a Guide at the same time. Spencer reached up and touched the inner side of his arm. He felt the small nodule that was located there. It was a newer system of giving him the suppressants that he needed to be able to function. The dosage had been upped five times in the four years that he'd been taking it. 

Hotch was going to kill the man who had taken them, Spencer knew it. There wasn't any other way that it was going to go. The man had proven that he'd do whatever it took to keep himself and anyone on the team alive. Going as far as killing Diane Turner just seconds before she would have taken the shot that would have killed herself and Maeve. It had all been for nothing because the end result had been Maeve hadn't been able to handle Spencer's job and his reluctance to search out his Sentinel in the DC area. Spencer had never told a soul that he had known who it was all the time. The look on Hotch's face when he'd come in the day after the breakup had told Spencer all that he needed to know. That nothing that ever happened to him would make Hotch want a bond with him. 

Spencer watched Hotch as he moved towards the food and water. PIcking up the sandwiches before he moved back towards Spencer with them. The look on Hotch's face was the same and Spencer realized why he couldn't place it. He'd not seen Hotch in his feral drive when he hunted Foyet. He'd been kept safely away as an injured Guide of any ranking would have messed up Hotch. Spencer wondered why he was in a feral state though. How he had got into that state. How long exactly he'd been out. The last thing that Spencer remembered was going to sleep in the hotel. Since abductions were taking place at night while the victims were in bed, the team had doubled up and no one stayed alone in the hotel room no matter the time of day. Spencer had bunked with Rossi this trip as the man had enough of Morgan the last time they had to double up. Spencer didn't know why he wasn't teamed up with Morgan but he didn't really care. All he had cared about was sleep. 

The food and water were inspected before Hotch handed over a bottle of water to Spencer. Spencer didn't really want the water. He wanted the food but when he held out his hand for the sandwich. Hotch kept it back. Spencer dove for it but his body protested and he leaned back, winded from the pain. He had a few broken or at least cracked ribs. Hotch dropped the food and pushed him down into a laying position again. He tried to roll to his side but the older man stopped him again. He slapped the hand away that tried to hold him down by his stomach and was shocked when a look of hurt appeared across Hotch's face. When the man reached out to touch him again and Spencer slapped his hand away again, Hotch pulled it back like he'd been burned. Spencer looked at him and tried to reason out anything. Hotch reached out again and Spencer didn't slap at him. He waited. He waited until Hotch's fingers brushed on his side. It didn't hurt but it told him that Hotch knew that he was hurting and where and that wasn't good. No Sentinel had been able to get a read on him for three months, since his last upping of his suppressors. Hotch had commented that he didn't feel like a Guide at all anymore. 

Spencer tried to roll to his side again and this time his own pain stopped him. He laid back and breathed carefully through the pain. Hotch's hand shot out and laid on his stomach again, just touching. When Spencer was breathing normally, Hotch uncapped the water and helped him take several drinks. After he was settled down again, Hotch opened the sandwiches and handed over small bites as he tore them off. 

After that hours went by, Hotch never took his eyes off the door unless he was feeding Spencer a sandwich or making him drink water. Spencer tried to stay awake but he was unable to, the pain when he breathed worsened as the day went on. He just hoped that Rossi and Morgan were okay and that they were close to finding them. As long as Spencer was in pain, Hotch was going to stay feral. He hoped that the team had a presence of mind to enter the room slowly or at least check the camera and not barge in. 

Late in what Spencer assumed was night, Hotch curled around him, sleeping. Spencer forced himself not to think on what that meant. He just stayed like he was and settled in. Hotch's hand laid on his stomach, rising and falling with his breaths. 

XxXxXxX 

Spencer woke up but didn't open his eyes. He was warm and not in pain. The smell told him that he was in a hospital. He still couldn't hear. Opening his eyes slowly, Spencer took in the room he was in. It told him everything. It wasn't a normal room. No it was a Sentinel room. He looked around and found Hotch asleep in the second bed, closest to the door. There was a notepad and pencil at Spencer's side and he picked it up. There was a nite from JJ telling him that as of her leaving it, he'd been asleep for three hours after being rescued. That the UnSub was in custody and that Hotch want feral anymore. There was more left out than what was there. Why was he deaf? Did they even know? 

The paper was taken from him and Spencer looked up into hard, dark eyes. Hotch was awake. Spencer watched him write something on the pad.

_Childers ruptured your eardrum. Hopeful that you'll regain all of your hearing with proper rest. Two cracks ribs and one broken._

"Why are we in here?" Spencer asked. It was weird talking and not hearing himself.

Hotch looked away towards the door and frowned. He acted like he didn't want to an answer. 

_The doctors were afraid of me going feral again. I had to be sedated._

"Why?"

_Because I did the unthinkable and bonded with you while you were vulnerable. The doctors are already sure it's unbreakable._

Spencer took in his words but was confused. He didn't feel that bond. There was nothing in that hole where the partial bond used to be. He hadn't paid attention to the area in months. When he meditated, he looked elsewhere. 

"Are you sure?"

Hotch nodded looking at him weird.

"Get the doctor."

Hotch moved away, setting the paper back down. When he got to the door he opened it. Spencer could see his mouth moving but no words came. The door was shut and Hotch stayed right by it until it was opened again and a woman and a man entered. The man had a tablet and he had something typed on it.

_What's wrong?_

"Why do you think Hotch bonded with me?"

_It shows on his tests and the feral episode stopped as soon as you were safe._

"I need to speak with Hotch alone." Spencer didn't answer anymore questions. He just ignored them and stared at Hotch. Finally, they left them alone. "We aren't going to be allowed in the field anymore, Hotch."

"Why?" Hotch asked, his word unheard but understandable.

"Because there is no bond on my end. That hole in me where my Sentinel is supposed to be, is still there. There used to be something there but it's gone."

The look of utter devastation on Hotch's face hurt Spencer but there was little he could do. He'd never heard of a one sided bond. He had to figure it all out and fast because life like this wasn't going to work. Hotch wasn't going to be allowed in the field with an unstable bond and Spencer wasn't without his Sentinel. 

"Fuck," Hotch said and Spencer could only agree.

A battery of tests were run on Spencer after they had got some food in him. Hotch hovered the entire time. It was strange to know that the man was bonded to him but yet he didn't feel it. They were sent home with the test results with an appointment to see their Center and Spencer's doctor there. Hotch got a rental for them to drive home as Spencer wasn't able to fly.

The trip was silent as Spencer didn't feel like distracting Hotch since Spencer wouldn't be able to hear him. The Center texted him to come in as soon as they made it back to DC. Hotch dropped off the rental at the local place and Rossi was there with Hotch's car and two bags of clothes. Spencer recognized his bag from the office. Morgan was waiting in his truck to take Rossi back to work. 

There was little fanfare inside the Center. Spencer and Hotch were sent to the room that all of Spencer's appointments were in. The only difference was that there was a laptop in there with two keyboards. Spencer frowned but took a seat. Hotch sat down beside him and Spencer wasn't sure whether he liked it or not. His doctor, Doctor Singh came in several minutes later. She picked up a keyboard and handed it to Hotch before taking the second. 

_Doctor Reid, how are you feeling?_

"Really confused. Was the other hospital wrong?"

_No. Agent Hotchner is bonded to you. I agree that there will be no breaking it. As to you not bonding back with him, we have discussed it and we feel that there are three options. One, you remove the suppressors device and give it time. The high dose you are on has never stopped a Guide from bonding but this situation is...delicate._

"Because Hotch had refused to even talk to be about being compatible?" Spencer felt Hotch' gaze on him. "I'm not stupid Hotch. I knew we were compatible within moments of meeting but not online Sentinels are not in searches for Guides. I heard you and Rossi talk as well."

_At this point that all doesn't matter. The second option is to leave things as they are, you two continue to work together and live together. The third is what we feel is the best option. Agent Hotchner has bonded with you but an imprint hasn't been done. It also includes the removal of the suppressor. After that we suggest a two day wait for the drugs to fully leave your system._

"You hope that the imprint will force me to bond with him."

_Yes. But it would have to be a sexual imprint. We don't think that anything el.se wpuld work._

"Odds?"

_Option one is fifty/fifty. Option two is thirty/seventy. And three is ninety/ten._

Spencer wasn't sure on her odds. She wasn't taking into account neither of their stubbornness. Options one and two sucked because there was no time soon for them to be back to work. Option three at least gave them quicker results.

"If we don't bond?"

"I don't know. There are no long term effects documented on one sided bonds with the other side living."

"If I take out the suppressor and this fails, I'm back to square one. How long would I have to be off before I can go back onto it?"

_A month. During that time, neither of you would be actively traveling on cases._

"I already knew that. With the bond fragile, Hotch could go into a feral drive at any point. A teammate touching me could send him off. There is fair chance that neither of us could be field agents again."

_Agent Hotchner you are silent._

_**Just understanding it all. Taking it in.** _

_What option do you want?_

_**Whatever Reid wants.** _

_That's not what I asked._

Spencer looked at Hotch for the first time. The older man was glaring at the doctor and he said something. She frowned and said something back. Spencer didn't care. He closed his eyes to think. He knew what he was going to say. He wasn't going to hurt Hotch and it was in both of their best interests to try option three. If it failed, Spencer could take another job elsewhere in the FBI and Aaron could take over for Cruz. The man was gone more then he was there and Hotch did most of his work when he was gone. 

"You know that three is the best option. We put ourselves in this because both of us were too stubborn to do what we knew we needed to do. You thought you would be burden and I didn't want to force you to do something that you didn't want to do even though it hurt me. We built our bed and now we have to lie in it. So let's get this out of me and get on our way."

_Any questions?_

Hotch shook his head and Spencer sighed. 

"If this fails. What is the best thing we can do?"

_Agent Hotchner's Sentinel self is going to need your connection. Living in the same house. Sleeping in the same bed when needed._

Hotch was silent but he nodded assent. 

_A nurse will come in and prep you for the removal. I've already contacted the HR lead on Sentinels and Guides to let them know that you'll be out a week at the minimum._

"Thank you, Doctor."

Spencer didn't look at Hotch to see what he said. He waited for him outside the door. He was going to be deaf until the rupture in his ear drums healed. He was looking forward to that for a lot of reasons.

XxXxXxX

Two days passed in a rush. Spencer had grabbed enough things for a few days before they had gone to Hotch's after the Center. Then two days of packing up his life and moving in with Hotch. Spencer had left it to Hotch to talk to Jack. The boy had been hesitant to talk to Spencer until he got in the hang of writing everything out. The situation had been no where near normal and Spencer wouldn't have blamed the boy if it had taken him a few days to get used to someone living with him and his father. 

Spencer was getting used to his silent world. Just as he was getting used to living with someone else. He had his own bedroom but so far he had slept in bed with Hotch. He could tell that the one sided bond was putting a strain on him so when they watched a movie at night, Spencer would encourage him to touch. Spencer could still feel the drugs in his body after the second night at Hotch's so he told Hotch that.  
That next morning Spencer woke up with Hotch wrapped around him tighter than a blanket. The cock pressing into his lower back told him that Hotch's Sentinel self knew that he was on the mend. He took stock of his own body. His ribs weren't ready for anything strenuous but it wasn't like Hotch would hurt him on purpose. Instead of rolling away from him, Spencer thrust back into his body. As if a switch had been flipped, Hotch's body surged and instead of heat all along his back he was turned to lay on his back and he had heat all along his front. 

Hotch took his mouth in a kiss so searing that Spencer lost the ability to breathe. He felt hands sweep down his sides before settling on his underwear and jerking them off. They had been sleeping in just underwear. When Hotch settled back down on him, Spencer realized that Hotch had been naked the entire time. His cock started to fill at that thought. The nights sleeping together had allowed Hotch to imprint on the feel of him and the scent. Really, the only sense left was taste and Hotch was trying his hardest to imprint that one at the moment. 

Gently, Spencer's leg was lifted up and Spencer felt fingers at his hole. They had talked to death the sexual aspects of their relationship. Hotch was tactile and rarely went ten minutes when they were in the same room without touching him. He wasn't going to deny him the bond that his Sentinel side needed. Fingers pressed inside of him and Spencer gasped. There was no sound and it was centering for him. Hotch prepped him quickly but thoroughly. As cock was sliding inside of him, Spencer tried to focus on that hole inside of him, trying to get it to react or do anything. He pushed out with his abilities, his empathy, hell his everything but nothing happened. 

As Hotch lost himself in Spencer's body, Spencer held back the tears. He didn't know what was wrong with him. What had happened to him that had caused this. He could feel Hotch's emotions on a low level now that he was off the suppressors. Spencer tried to lock onto them and pull them inside of himself but again it was a fail. Spencer lost his erection as he felt Hotch's elation at his end of the bond settling more. Hotch came with a muffled cry into Spencer's neck. Spencer felt that more than anything else. As Hotch pulled from him, he was wrapped in his arms. The arms were like bands of heat across his cold body but didn't press on his ribs. Spencer felt words being said into his neck as he rolled to his side, it hurt his ribs but he didn't care. Spencer buried his face in the pillow. He gave into the tears now. Aaron stayed right there with him, holding him and just not leaving him alone. Spencer cried himself to sleep because he and Hotch were broken and he didn't know how to fix them.


	33. Bonds Broken may Never Heal by rivermoon1970

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer/Aaron, A/B/O dynamics

Rossi was worried. Aaron hadn’t shown up for work for a couple of days, Cruz was making excuses, but they all seemed hollow. He looked down in the bullpen and saw Spencer sitting there, wondering why the Omega wasn’t with his Alpha. Dave knew then that something was very, very wrong.

Grabbing his things he told Morgan he was going to Aaron’s that he felt something was wrong and wanted to check for himself. Morgan, too, was wondering why Reid hadn’t said anything, and why Aaron hadn’t shown up for work.

Rossi got to the house that Aaron had shared with Spencer the last few years and noticed right away that something was different. He just couldn’t put his finger on it. He knocked, but there was no answer. Pulling out his keys he opened the door, then turned off the alarm. He was one of the only ones that had the code outside of Spencer and Aaron.

Walking into the house Rossi was shocked. The living room looked like a disaster. All of the bookshelves that had lined the three walls were gone. The chair that Spencer would often curl up in, was gone as well. Frowning, Dave slowly walked through the house and finally found Aaron in the bedroom. He didn’t look good at all and Dave wasn’t sure what was going on.

“Aaron?” The man in question turned to him and Rossi had to keep from staggering back at how he looked. Pale and sweating Rossi worried even more for his friend. “What’s going on Aaron?”

“Reid didn’t tell anyone?” Reid, not Spencer. Rossi slowly sat on the edge of the bed and wanted to reach out, but he kept his hands to himself.

“No. He came in, business as usual. He asked where you were and we all thought that was a little odd, but we didn’t think anything of it yet.”

Aaron looked down, grief and pain was pouring off him in waves.

“Aaron, tell me what’s going on.”

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath to control the emotions that Rossi could see he was struggling with, silent tears rolled down his face as he slowly lost the war.

“He broke the mating bond.” The words were whispered so low that Rossi had to lean forward to hear them.

“What?” Rossi looked outraged. 

Aaron curled into himself, pain flitted across his face. He didn’t look even half the Alpha that Rossi knew him to be.

“Someone from his past. His first mate, he called, looking for Reid. I don’t know what the story was, but he broke our bond, and left with to go find this other Alpha. I…” Aaron doubled over in pain and Rossi was up and calling for an ambulance. He was beyond enraged, he didn’t know how Spencer could do this to Aaron, to anyone really.

Rossi stayed as he held Aaron’s hand. He knew what this was, it had been profound on Aaron’s side, he wasn’t sure what was going to happen to him, some Alpha’s never recovered, some even...he didn’t want to think about that possibility. He needed to see Reid, to understand what the hell he was thinking.

The ambulance got there and Aaron had passed into a coma. He shuddered to think what would have happened if he hadn’t come over when he did. Rossi went to the hospital and still Aaron didn’t wake-up. His worry for his friend deepened. He called Morgan and it was about an hour when he and the rest of the team arrived, even Reid. When he looked up his eyes hardened at the Omega, but he didn’t want to cause a scene. Though he wasn’t going to hide the truth either.

“Rossi, what the hell happened?”

“Aaron is in a coma. The doctor’s aren’t sure when or even if he’s coming out. He’s suffering from  Acute Bond Separation Disorder. The bond he had with his Omega, it was profound on his side.” All eyes turned to Reid whose expression looked horrified.

“Profound? Rossi, are-are you sure?” The tone of his voice made Rossi realize that Spencer didn’t know.

“Yeah kid. I’m sure. He told me that when he mated, it was the best day of his life, that he  _ knew  _ from that day that there would never be anyone else for him. He wasn’t just in love Spencer, he was  _ bonded  _ to you. Mind, heart and soul.”

The tears in Spencer’s eyes fell fast as he started to back away. He didn’t stop till a man had come in and wrapped an arm around Spencer’s shoulders.

“Come on cher, tell me?” The voice was warm and soft and the accent reminded everyone of Will.

“I...I...I didn’t know Rem. I didn’t know.” Spencer broke down in the stranger’s arms. The stranger looked around at the others in the waiting room.

“I’m sorry. Name’s Remy LeBeau. I was Spencer’s mate when we were younger. I had to leave New Orleans, and I broke the bond with Spencer. I called him, I didn’t expect this…”

“You haven’t seen each other for years and he just breaks his bond with the Alpha who has been with him for the last six years? An Alpha who practically worshipped him? How could you Reid?”

“You, you don’t understand. Remy, I...I thought he was dead. It took time for me to heal, and then Aaron, he was just… he took care of me...I was happy but then...Rem...and I…” Spencer fell to his knees as grief rolled through him.

“What happened?” Remy asked again.

“Aaron is in a coma. His bond with Spencer was profound. When the kid broke it, it broke him.” Rossi didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was angry. 

Remy sighed and pulled Spencer up and took him to sit down.

It was a few moments then a doctor came out to speak to the group.

“Mr. Hotchner has been transferred to our long-term care ward for Alpha’s in his situation. I will be honest, he may be in a coma for the rest of his life, or his body may start to break down from the sudden separation. We have him on a cocktail of drugs that have been about 50% successful in the past. There are no guarantees here and I don’t want to give you false hope. When we are finished with the transfer, I’ll allow you to see him.”

“Doctor, is there anything that can be done? Money doesn’t matter.” Rossi said as he stood there, his heart breaking.

“The only time I’ve seen an Alpha come out of this severe of a bond separation was when the Omega re-bonded with them. We’ve tried having other unbonded Omega’s try, but it was never successful. It had to be the same Omega. Unless the Omega has reasons he or she doesn’t want to bond again, I’m sorry, there is nothing we can do.”

The team turned to see Spencer curled-up on the chair, he was breaking down but not everyone was feeling sympathy for the Omega.

Morgan glared at his best friend, shook his head then left. Dave figured that the man needed some time to cool off or he’d say or do something he’d regret.

“What have I done Remy?” 

Dave wasn’t subtle as he walked to where the two men were sitting. He was eavesdropping and didn’t even pretend not to be.

“Cher. I think we need a frank discussion. Y’ left y’r bonded and ran t’ me without me explaining why I wanted to see y’.”

“What are you saying Remy?”

“Y’ showed up at m’ house while I was gone on assignment. De note y’ left, then the call to come here? Spencer what did y’ think was gonna happen?” Dave was getting a clearer picture of what was going on. Spencer, it seemed, had made a lot of assumptions.

“Rem? Wha-what are you saying?” Spencer frowned as the looked at the Alpha.

“Spence, we were kids. Y’ was just seventeen an’ I was jus’ eighteen. It wasn’t gonna last cher. Y’ an’ I both know it. De’ only reason y’ makin’ assumptions is how things were left ‘tween us. Y’ have an Alpha, who, from what I can see loves y’. He wouldn’t have gone into this severe a drop if he didn’t. Y’ need to let me go cher and be with de’ one who loves you.”

Spencer frowned at Remy as he curled up in the chair. Guilt and pain rolled through him so fiercely that it was almost painful. 

“Then why did you come here?” Spencer glared hard at Remy, his heart breaking again.

“T’ tell y’ I’m alive and that I’m going back to N’Orleans. All is forgiven and I’m followin’ in Papa’s footsteps. Y’ can’t come cher. I wouldn’t let y’. I do love y’ Spencer but it’s a love of two teens holdin’ on in terrible circumstances. We wouldn’t have lasted,  y’ always wanted de’ FBI and I always was gonna be a rogue.” Remy sighed as he laid a hand on Spencer’s knee. “I’ve got a mate Spencer.”

That was the last blow to Spencer. The Alpha he had loved as a teen was mated. 

“Go, just go Remy.” Spencer turned away as he shattered into pieces. Remy reluctantly stood and said his goodbye’s then left.

“I screwed up.” Spencer whispered as he hung his head trying not to cry.

“Yeah kid you did. You have a chance to try to fix this.”

“Aaron won’t want me. I hurt him, Rossi.”

“The way I see it is this. If you don’t try to re-bond, he’s never coming out of the coma. If he does come out, then it’s for the both of you to figure this out. But, kid, you hurt him, and I don’t know how to forgive you.” Dave stood and walked away.

None of the rest of the team came over to him, they left him to make this decision on his own. When the doctor came back to tell everyone that they could see Aaron for a few minutes each, Spencer opted to go last. 

When it was his turn and he saw Aaron on the bed, hooked-up to machines and his eyes closed as if in sleep Spencer’s heart broke. He hadn’t thought things out and Remy was right, he had assumed too much. Laying his head on the bed, he cried. He hadn’t hurt just Aaron, he realized he was going to hurt Jack as well. His selfishness broke apart their family and Spencer wasn’t sure how to fix it. 

He didn’t stop crying till he was engulfed in JJ’s arms, who came back to see how he was.

“Spence. There’s only one way to try to fix this. You know what the doctor told you.”

“But, I’ll be taking his choice away. He’s never going to trust me again.”

JJ cupped his cheek and wiped away his tears.

“If it works, and he does come out of this, yes you’ll both be a little broken and it may take him time to trust you again, but Spence, we all need him. Jack needs his father, you made one selfish mistake, don’t make another.”

JJ’s words were harsh, but they were true and Spencer knew he had only one choice.

________________________________________________________

Aaron slowly opened his eyes, the lights in the room were, thankfully low. Everything hurt and he was trying to remember why. He frowned as he looked down at the body curled around him, arm slung around his waist and head on his shoulder. It took him a few moments to realize it was Spencer, then he was starting to remember everything that had happened over their extended weekend. 

He remembered he had wrangled some extra time off for the team and he went home to surprise Spencer and Jack. When he had gotten there Spencer was packing things up, his things. The fight, the harsh words, Aaron almost dominating his Omega when he promised not to unless Spencer was doing something dangerous. His heart clenched and his breathing became shallow as everything came back to him. The breaking of the bond and the pain that flashed through him, but Spencer didn’t stop to see what was happening with him.

Aaron shut his eyes against the memories and he became more aware of where he was, a hospital. Rossi, he had come by, then everything had gone black. Aaron was confused, though, because he felt a bond. It wasn’t quite what it was before, but it was there. He started to pull away from Spencer. He was still so hurt and angry at the Omega, his Alpha recoiled inside him, still hurt and in pain from the breaking of the bond. However, when he tried to move away from the young man the monitors started to go off like crazy.

“Stop moving Aaron. Please. I...I know you’re angry with me, and you have the right to be, but, the Doctor said the bond is fragile. If you make me go...you could fall back into a coma, or worse.”

Aaron was silent for a long time as he let his arm drop to the bed. A part of him just wanted to wrap his mate in his arms and never let go, but that part that was hurt and angry didn’t want to even tough Spencer. Pulling away he turned on his side and settled. When he felt Spencer wrap around him, keeping him stable he fought the tears that wanted to fall. He knew they needed to talk, but he just wasn’t emotionally ready. He drifted off to sleep again, his mind and body exhausted. 

When Aaron woke again he found that Spencer was still there, sitting up in bed reading. Slowly he turned around and sat up, the pain in his body not nearly as bad and the bond was a little more settled. He sat up as well and noticed that the bed they were on was a type used in hospitals for bonding. He lifted up into a sitting position and reached for the water at his side. His hands shook, still a little weak, he growled as water sloshed. Spencer jumped up and took the cup and pitcher from him and poured him the water. He watched, warily, the whole time. Spencer handed him the cup and he took it, trying not to touch the Omega.

Spencer sat back down and had the book in his hand, but he wasn’t really reading it. Aaron knew he needed to say something. Taking a drink to clear his throat, he set the cup back down and looked straight ahead. His heart was still in shatters and his trust was all but broken, but he knew they needed to talk.

“Why did you do this Spencer?” Aaron didn’t even apologize for the harsh tone.

Spencer fidgeted with the sheet as he contemplated how to explain himself.

“I don’t know. I thought...I had loved Remy so much Aaron. I thought he was dead. He disappeared to protect his family, protect me. He was right, though. It was a teenage love, I was in love with the idea of Remy because of how he had left. But, I should have known we weren’t meant to be with how easily the bond was broken. I...I hurt you. I didn’t even think of you or Jack, I just thought of myself.”

Aaron swallowed hard against the knot of emotions that were stuck in his throat.

“You did hurt me, hurt us. I gave you all of me Spencer. I made you promises that I always kept. Protected you, loved you. I don’t understand, because you said you loved me too. You wanted the bond. I would never have forced you and I thought...I thought we were happy. I thought I finally had the perfect family. Was I not enough of an Alpha? Did not exerting my dominance find me lacking in your eyes? Did I do something wrong?”

“No!, no Aaron. It wasn’t you and god I do love you, I do. I made a selfish mistake that...oh god, you could have...I never meant...I’m so sorry Aaron. I don’t know what I can do..” Spencer flung himself across Aaron’s chest and cried. 

Sighing Aaron laid a tentative hand on Spencer’s back. He knew they were broken, he just didn’t know how to fix them.

___________________________________________________

Getting home from the hospital settled Aaron a little more. All of Spencer’s things were back in all the right places, but it didn’t feel right. Not like it had before. Aaron looked around at the home they had built together and tried to be happy, but he wasn’t. There was a lot of work they needed to do to repair the damage. He just hoped they could.

The doctor ordered rest and this seemed to have spurred on Spencer’s Omega side. He was going out of his way to make Aaron comfortable, to see to his every need. It should have made his Alpha preen, but it was a painful reminder of what they once had together.

Aaron settled in the living room with pillows and blankets around him. He was watching mindless TV, not really concentrating on anything, he just needed the distraction of the noise. Jack had known something was terribly wrong, but all he would tell his son was that he and Spencer had an argument and they needed time. He knew his son didn’t understand, but there were just some things a parent didn’t discuss with their children. 

Things slowly settled into a routine. Aaron went back to work, they worked cases, he and Spencer were fine in the field. But, at night in their hotel room, there was a huge divide between them. Aaron was still keeping a part of himself from Spencer. He knew the Omega was hurting, and he knew there was the possibility of a drop, but his trust was still on shaky ground.

After a few weeks, Aaron initiated small touches. He just couldn’t deny the Alpha anymore. The look on Spencer’s face when he gave him that first touch on the shoulder made Aaron a little hopeful. Then after a few more weeks, he kissed Spencer, a peck really, but the bond hummed just under the surface. He wasn’t going to give into the whimsy of the bond, it was still tentative and shaky, he still needed time.

Then a local case, everything went wrong. From their profile, to the suspect. By the time they figured out their mistakes, Spencer had gotten hurt and Aaron had gone feral. Luckily it was just a cut across Spencer’s arm and Aaron reigned in his Alpha when he knew Spencer was going to be okay. That didn’t stop Aaron from dragging the Omega home and taking him hard and fast against the wall as soon as they walked into their house. Thank goodness that Jessica had Jack with her. 

Breathing hard, the bond gaining strength because of the coupling, Aaron still buried inside Spencer, he denied the Omega his knot. They were nowhere near ready for that level of intimacy  He finally let Spencer go and told him to go to their room, he wasn’t done with him. 

Spencer kicked off his pants and practically ran to their room, which made Aaron growl low in his throat and he gave chase. Tackling Spencer onto the bed, he was already getting hard again as he awkwardly got them both naked. Shoving Spencer’s legs up to his chest, Aaron slipped inside Spencer’s slick hole, and rumbled at the physical pleasure. 

Spencer was trying to hold onto his Alpha as he was taken again, pounded into hard and fast. His body responding, he came without even being touched. Aaron was chasing his orgasm and thrust in hard, he growled and came inside his Omega. Collapsing to the side of Spencer he breathed in the Omega’s scent and the bond grew just a little more.

They were still broken, still trying to heal from the damage done to both of them. They looked in each other’s eyes, trying to find who it was they had been before, but pain and distrust was still there. It would be a long-time before they were even half the pair they had been before and Spencer knew that Aaron might never trust him again, but he realized something that he had forgotten when he got that first phone call from Remy. He had forgotten not how much Aaron had loved him, but he had forgotten how much he had loved Aaron. He laid there, breathing hard as tears slipped down his face wondering if they would ever fully heal.


	34. Burglar and Prisoner by DarkJediQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new warnings have been ticked. Please read with caution. Nothing is shown just talked about and mentioned. Nothing is on screen as it were.
> 
> Rape, Child Molestation, Child Rape, Underage,

Aaron knew that his window was small. He had just an hour to get in and get out. He had a lot of information to get and he needed as much time as he needed. The room he needed to get into was under a lot of security but none of it was manned by a human. Foyet didn't trust humans with his secrets. Aaron had everything that he needed to get into the room and when the last lock clanged open, Aaron opened the door.

It wasn't books inside the room.

There wasn't even a computer.

There was just a boy.

A naked boy.

Behind a set of bars. There was a chain on his neck, keeping him well away from the bars. The boy didn't look frightened at all but he looked at the gun and his demeanor changed. He slumped down to his knees and then look at Aaron with such a look of relief on his face.

"Please...just kill me."

"What?" Aaron asked.

"Just kill me. Don't leave without killing me. Don't leave me here."

"You help me and I'll help you. Where are Foyet's files?" Aaron asked.

The boy scrambled over to a stand where Aaron saw there were piles of books. There was a pot of ink and the boy grabbed what looked like rolled up paper and started to write with it on another sheet of paper. He waved the paper when he was done and folded it up. He looked at Aaron again before moving as close as he could and set it down.

"The location of the files is right there but first, you have to kill me."

"What's your name?"

"Pretty Thing."

"What's your real name?"

"It's the only name that I know. Master has only called me that since I was little." The boy frowned at him. "Are you going to kill me?"

Aaron darted for the paper but the boy grabbed it up.

"You don't get it until you kill me."

Aaron knew everything about his target. He knew that he was an ephebophile. He was certain he knew what the boy was there for. Aaron had the tools to get the boy out and obviously the boy knew where the files of every single one of the man's hits had been. He was mission essential. Aaron pulled the lock pick set out of his coat, holstered his gun, and set about opening the door. As soon as it clanked and swung open just a little bit, the boy ran back to the corner and huddled on the bed. Aaron didn't even want to think about the stains on the bed.

Slowly approaching the boy, Aaron tried not to spook him. He pulled the gun back out and when he did the boy dropped to his knees again. He was calm and accepting. No child should ever look forward to death as opposed to life. Aaron set the safety and raised the gun, he brought it down on the head of the boy. The boy crumpled to the floor. Aaron holstered the gun again and set about picking the lock on the collar. It was more detailed and Aaron found that it took him longer than anything else.

The goal was the files but when Aaron heard noise in the hall, he pulled his gun out and waited.

"Pretty Thing, daddy is happy and he wants to share. If you are on your hands and knees when I get in there, I'll fuck you gentle and allow you to orgasm!" Foyet yelled as he entered the room, opening his pants. The fucked up man barely had time to realize what was going on before Aaron put one in his head, right between his eyes. Foyet fell to the ground. Aaron just hoped that the boy really did know where the files for all of the hits that Foyet had done and the people he was connected to.

Aaron looked back at the unconscious boy. There was no clothes in the room and Aaron had been through the entire house already, there was no clothes but Foyet's and he wasn't going to dress him in Foyet's. His apartment wasn't really set up for the boy either. He wasn't going to just leave him there though.

So Aaron went up to the second floor and found a blanket that was stuffed in a closet. It was soft and warm and would protect the boy from the elements. Aaron wrapped the boy in the blanket and prepared to stand up but saw the paper on the floor. He looked at the paper and then the boy before he picked it up and opened it.

_I'm sorry but I couldn't take another night wit him. The files are in my head._

Aaron looked at the boy and frowned. He'd heard stories of a boy who was a genius that had been passed around the men that Aaron was hunting. Shane Wyland had him before that and Aaron had never been able to figure out what happened to him. He was transferred from a pedophile to a ephebophile. The boy had a horrible life.

XxXxXxX

Aaron wasn't sure what the boy ate on a regular basis but given how small he was, he didn't figure it was ever enough so once he got back to his apartment, Aaron found a can of soup in the back of a cabinet.

There was a knock on his apartment door and Aaron grabbed his gun before he moved to the door. He looked out the peephole and found that it was Stanley Howard. The one wild card in the group that Aaron was in. Aaron opened the door but kept the gun out where Howard could see it.

"There's been a shakeup. Foyet's house burned down with him inside of it."

"Who did it?"

"Accident. Gas line leak. There is an emergency meeting tomorrow as our safe was destroyed as well."

"Okay." Aaron shut the door when Howard stepped back out. He looked back at his bedroom. The safe wasn't a place, it was a person, the boy. The safe had only ever been referred to as that and if it wasn't a place in Foyet's it had to be the boy.

Aaron sat down in front of his computer and booted it up. He waited for it to load and then opened up the encrypted chat and waited. The face looking at him was smiling.

"Done already? I don't have a download on the scanner," the younger man said.

"I need a private jet to take me home, Q. The plans have changed. There is an emergency meeting tomorrow and everyone will be there. I'm going to take them all out and come home."

"Where are the files?"

"Wyland and Foyet have been the keeper of the files for a long time. Wyland had him from an unknown age until puberty and from puberty up it seems that Foyet had has him."

"Wyland is a paedophile and Foyet is a ephebophile."

"Yes and their safe is a boy that I assume has some sort of photographic memory."

"Eidetic is more like it. Troubling. I'll have a jet prepared for your arrival by seven pm tomorrow. Anything else?"

"Yes. I need some clothes sent over for the boy. He was naked and chained inside of a cell. Foyet is already dead. I put a bullet in his brain as soon as he came home."

"Anything else?"

"This boy is going to need a lot of help. He wanted me to kill him. He didn't ask him to save him, he just wanted me to kill him. He was relieved when he saw the gun in my hand."

"I'll see if any of Psych has degrees in working with children. Get some DNA and run it through the scanner on the computer."

"I have a fingerprint. I took a picture." Aaron pulled his phone out and pressed the upload icon.

"Hmmmm." Q was typing away and after a few moments, he frowned. "Spencer Reid. Fingerprint taken from his home after his father sold him to a child porn ring. He was never recovered. Father was killed in prison once word got out that he had sold his child. Mother is Diana Reid, she killed herself three years back. A combination of her own schizophrenia and the loss of her child. Bring him with you. I'll make sure that something is found for him. How old does he look?"

"I'd say at minimum thirteen. I don't know how long Foyet had him."

"Thirteen is right. I'll send along papers."

XxXxXxX

Aaron watched Spencer as he woke up on the jet. Q had one of the junior agents get him a sedative that he'd given him to get him on the plane as getting him through the airport, even a small private one,

"Where are we?"

"Heading to England."

"Why?"

"Because that is where I live. I have a passport here for you." Aaron tossed over passport. Spencer didn't leave his seat. He just eyed Aaron.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"You killed Foyet. I heard you tell Howard that. Why did you kill him?"

"I was sent to gather the files from Foyet's band of assassins. You had what I needed. After the death of Foyet they called a meeting because you were sited as lost with him. They were freaking out and I killed them all. I shot Wyland in the stomach so that he bled out slowly."

"What do I have to do to be worthy of your kindness?"

"Tell my bosses everything that you remember. Everything that they forced you to remember about their businesses. That's all."

Spencer eyed him like he didn't believe him but Aaron knew that trust would only come with time. He hoped that the doctors in Psych would be able to help him.


	35. The Christmas it All Went Wrong by: Rivermoon1970

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer asked something of Aaron that any other person would have said no to, and when he made a choice Aaron was left to pick up the pieces of his heart.
> 
>  
> 
> Spencer Reid/Aaron Hotchner  
> 

Christmas had always been a time of love and joy, especially since Spencer had come into his and Jack’s life. When he had finally made his move and asked Spencer out that first time, it was everything he had ever expected and he had been happy, he thought Spencer had been as well. He hated it when he was wrong. Especially when it came to his heart.

Aaron stood by the window in the darkened room, the Christmas lights the only currently on. He had his hands in his pockets, his tie long gone and his shirt opened at the top. The silence in the house was almost too much to bear, but he was glad that Jack wasn’t going to be there for this conversation. 

He knew when Spencer came home, he saw the car parking, him getting out and grabbing his go bag. Aaron lifted the drink that was in his hand and took a sip. He never had more than one, possibly two on the very rare occasions. He made it a vow to himself that he wasn’t going to be like his father. Aaron kept his gaze outside as Spencer made his way into the house. He heard the door open and close, the alarm being set, the shuffle into the bedroom. A few minutes later he heard Spencer calling his name. Part of him wanted to keep his silence, to let Spencer have what he wanted, but it was killing him. He knew he shouldn’t do this so close to the holidays, but he also couldn’t take another time watching the man he loved walk out the door to spend his time with another man. Even if it was his friend.

Aaron and Spencer had three good years together. The two of them inseparable, stupid in love, or so Aaron had thought. Spencer had come to him a year ago and told him he was developing feelings for someone, but that he loved Aaron too. So, he tried, he tried very hard to make it work, to be happy watching the love of his life go to this other man. But, he couldn’t pretend anymore, not when this was killing him a little inside each time.

He had asked Jessica to take Jack early in the day because he needed a night, a silent night, to sort through his feelings, to try to understand if he was being selfish and whether he should talk to Spencer or not. He was still working through it all till the moment Spencer pulled into the driveway. The blue Amazon almost making Aaron smile.

Aaron took another sip of his drink and hadn’t answered Spencer back yet. 

“There you are, I’ve been calling. I didn’t see you in the dark there, everything okay?” Spencer shuffled towards Aaron who turned to look at him. The silence between them stretched on for several moments before Aaron drained his drink and finally moved from the window. He went to the liquor cart and poured himself another glass then turned to Spencer.

“I can’t do this anymore Spencer.”

Spencer cocked his head and took a step towards Aaron.

“What do you mean Aaron?”

“I know I said I’d try, and I did, for a whole year, I tried to share, to be understanding of your feelings, but it kills me every time you walk out that door to go to Dave’s. And Jack doesn’t understand where you go, he misses you Spencer.”

Aaron’s frown deepened as he took a sip of his drink. His breath was shallow as Spencer took a few steps forward.

"What do you want Aaron?”

Aaron almost laughed as he looked at Spencer with tears in his eyes.

“What I want, again, I’m not going to get.” The repeat of the conversation from almost seven years prior wasn’t lost on either man. “But this time I’m making the choice. If you stay, with me it has to be me and Jack and no one else. But if you walk out that door, if you go back to Dave, I can’t continue this. I love you, Spencer, no, let me rephrase that, I am  _ in  _ love with you,  but I don’t think you understand how much. So, I’m going to finish my drink, take a shower, then go to bed. The choice from there will be yours.” Aaron turned, he wasn’t going to let Spencer see his heart shattering.

When he got to the bedroom, his drink finished he slipped into the shower and let the hot water cascade down his body, trying to ease the tension. When he got out and dried off he was just tired, mentally and emotionally. When he stepped out he saw Spencer sitting on the bed. 

“Where’s Jack?”

“He’s with Jessica.”

“Do I have to decide tonight?”

“I would think it would be an easy decision. But, no you don’t have to decide tonight. We can wait till the holidays are over, for whatever it is.”

“Aaron, I do love you.”

“I know, but I’m not sure you love me enough.” Aaron took a deep breath before he slipped into bed. “Whatever you decide I won’t keep Jack from you, he loves you like another parent. I’m going to bed, you’re welcome to stay.”

Spencer stood and silently slipped into the bathroom, not saying anything more. Aaron heard the shower turn on, then a few minutes later it turned off, and after a little while Spencer was slipping into bed beside him. Aaron reached out and pulled Spencer to him, holding on a little too tight. The two men slipped into silence as they tried to fall asleep.

The holidays flew by, Spencer and Aaron kept all outward appearance that everything was okay. Spencer stayed at the house, Dave had flown to California to be with Joy and her family. 

Christmas morning was filled with family, and friends as they celebrated together at JJ’s house. The tension between Aaron and Dave wasn’t lost on the others, but no one wanted to ask. Jack and Henry opened presents with abandon, which made everyone smile. After they all went home Aaron and Spencer were once again plunged into a night of silence.

New Years, another party, but this time it was at Rossi’s. Aaron almost didn’t go. But, in the end he went anyway and smiled at all the right times, laughed at all the right things, kissed Spencer at midnight, toasted his friends and family, but the tension and uncertainty was still lingering. When Dave offered a room, Aaron almost declined, but knew he had too much to drink and getting a cab would be expensive and petty. Taking a deep breath, he accepted Dave’s offer. No one noticed or questioned the growing cracks in their friendship.

The next morning Aaron had taken a shower, took some advil and downed a couple of glasses of water. He felt almost human as he silently made his way down the stairs towards the kitchen. He heard voices and stood back and watched. Spencer was sitting on the counter and Dave was smiling up at him, he was giving Spencer a bite of whatever he was cooking, and the look he got was a look Aaron used to get. He stood there a moment and his heart shattered. As quietly as he could he went back to the room and grabbed his things then left. He couldn’t stay to watch, silent tears flowed down his face the whole time he was driving home.

By the time he walked into the house there were several texts and missed calls from both Dave and Spencer. He shut off his phone, called Jessica to bring Jack home then took him out for the day. He focused everything he had on his son for the entire day. When they got home, it was late and Aaron was putting a very sleepy Jack to bed. A few minutes later Spencer was walking in the door, with Dave trailing behind.

“Aaron, I think we should talk.” Dave walked to his kitchen to pour a glass of whiskey each, Aaron declined his.

“There really isn’t anything to talk about Dave. I saw the two of you together as I came down the stairs. I can’t compete, the look he was giving you, that used to be me, and I don’t get to see it anymore. I hope you two are happy.” 

“Aaron, don’t be some self-sacrificing idiot. I have a proposal. You and Jack move in with me and Spencer.”

Aaron closed his eyes and shook his head.

“You don’t get it Dave. I love him. I love him like I’ve never even loved Haley. I fell and I fell hard. I thought,” Aaron looked to Spencer and tried to stop the pain in his heart. “I thought you loved me like that, but you don’t, because if you did you wouldn’t have wanted a relationship with Dave.”

“Aaron,” Spencer looked at him almost shocked by his words. “I do love you, I do.”

Aaron smiled sadly at the two of them.

“And you Dave? What do you feel?”

“I love Spencer,” Dave smiled as he looked at the younger man. “I feel wanted and needed again.”

“Then I hope you’re happy, I do. But I can’t live with you, I can’t knowing that Dave is the one you are in love with and it’s not me. I can’t be that third wheel, there just to satisfy some need you think you have. I won’t do that again.”

“But Aaron…” Spencer looked at him pleadingly. “I can’t not have you in my life.”

“I’m not leaving the unit. You’ll still see me every day, it just won’t be as your lover. You made your choice clear.” Aaron didn’t touch his drink as he left the two men in his kitchen. He closed the door to his room with a finality that broke his heart. He heard Spencer and Dave leaving as he slipped into bed and turned into the pillow and let the tears fall.

_________________________________________________

The months went by, Aaron tried hard to repair his heart. He went on a few dates, but nothing came of them. Dave and his friendship was fractured, but Aaron didn’t blame him for the choice Spencer made. He focused all of his energy on Jack and the two were growing closer than ever. Aaron decided that it wasn’t in the cards for him anymore. That him and falling in love always brought pain in the end and he felt too old to try again.

He would watch Spencer and Dave out of the corner of his eye and convince himself that he wasn’t pining, that it didn’t still hurt, but it did. He had given everything of himself to Spencer, and somehow was found lacking. He threw himself into work like never before and missed the looks Spencer would sometimes throw his way.

Cases came and went, life moved on and Aaron sealed up that part of his heart that was Spencer. Then it all came crashing down, and all it took was one UnSub to upend his life yet again. Mr. Scratch, identified as Peter Lewis, played with his mind, made him believe his team was dead, made him believe, for even just a moment, the he had killed Spencer as he came in the door. It was his sheer strength of will that he was able to break through the fog of the drugs enough to shoot Lewis. Though he wasn’t dead, he was taken into custody, and Aaron was taken to the hospital. 

“Aaron, you want to tell me what happened?” Dave asked as he came into Aaron’s room and sat down on a chair next to his bed. He glared up at the ceiling and knew he’d need to make his report, but he would write it out. He didn’t want to talk about it, at least not with Dave.

“No. You’ll see my report.”

“Aaron, don’t be stubborn, you need to talk about whatever happened in that house.”

“No, I don’t.” He knew he was being a stubborn jackass, but he was determined not to be vulnerable in front of Dave.

“Is this about Spencer? Because you and I have not been talking for months now.”

“You really think this is the time to bring that up? I just want to rest so that I can be released tomorrow and go home.”

“This is the perfect time because you aren’t going anywhere, and you dodge me every time I come to talk to you.”

“What do you want me to say Dave? That it kills me to watch you two? That the man that became the love of my life is with you? That I can’t move on, even though I tried? Is that what you want to hear?” Aaron turned his glare on Dave as his heart was pounding in his chest.

“Aaron,” Dave didn’t know what to say as he watched his friend falling apart in front of him. “What happened tonight?”

Aaron took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. He fought with himself not to tell Dave what happened, but in the end he couldn’t keep it inside. He told Dave everything from the moment he stepped foot in Lewis’s house till the moment the team found him. At the end he finally turned to look at Dave, who was sitting there in stunned silence.

“I’ll write the reports Aaron, you just rest.” Dave stood and didn’t say anymore, Aaron could tell he was affected, but he wasn’t sure by which. The feelings he just couldn’t shed for Spencer, or the mental torture he had gone through in that house. At the moment he just didn’t care. He laid back and closed his eyes and all he wanted was to get some sleep.

It was the middle of the night and Aaron bolted upright in bed, the heart monitor he was hooked up to was going crazy. He was trying to reach for an imaginary gun while his mind was still in the dream.

“ _ Aaron! _ ” The voice finally got through as he looked over at Reid. A cool, wet cloth was wiping his forehead. “You’re safe, it’s okay Hotch, you’re safe.”

Aaron closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before he found his voice.

“Reid, what are you doing here?” Aaron asked as his stoic mask was set firmly in place.

“Dave didn’t think you should be alone. He let me read your statement. I didn’t think you should be alone either.” Spencer pulled the cloth away and sat back in the chair.

“Go home Spencer, please?” Aaron’s heart was in his throat. When on cases he could set aside his feelings and with the rest of the team around it was easy to stay professional. But, here and now, like this after what he had just gone through, it was painful. He wanted to reach out and hold onto Spencer, wanted to wrap his arms around him and be reassured that everything was going to be okay.

“No. I’m not leaving you alone.”

“I go home tomorrow, what are you going to do? Come home with me?” Aaron chuffed as he laid back in the hospital bed. “Because these nightmares aren’t going to go away, tomorrow, or the next day or the next. I saw myself…” Aaron wiped a hand down his face trying to stop the tear that escaped. “I saw myself kill you, that isn’t going to go away for a while.”

“I’m sorry Aaron.” Spencer looked to the wall as he frowned.

“It’s not your fault Reid. It’s Peter Lewis.”

“Not about that...just about everything, I’m sorry.”

Aaron closed his eyes and turned his head for a moment. “I don’t want to talk about that, not tonight, I can’t tonight.”

“I’m not leaving you alone.”

“Fine, stay, I don’t really care.” Aaron turned on his side and ignored Spencer, closing his eyes he attempted to go back to sleep.

The next time he woke, there was a warm body wrapped around him and as much as he wanted to tell Spencer to leave, he couldn’t. He felt shaking and laid a hand on Spencer’s shoulder.

“Reid?”

Spencer turned and buried his face against Aaron’s shoulder and held on even tighter.

Putting his anger and pain aside for the moment, Aaron buried his fingers in Spencer’s hair and gently massaged. It was something that they used to do, and it always helped to sooth Spencer during some of the worst cases.

“What’s wrong Reid?” Aaron tried to soften his voice and not let his pain take over.

“I made a terrible mistake. Nothing is right and it’s all my fault. I asked something of you that any other person would have flat out said no. That should have shown me just how much you loved me. But I wanted, I don’t know what I wanted, but things aren’t what I thought they’d be.”

Aaron somehow knew this conversation was going to happen with Reid staying the night with him.It wasn’t the best timing, but that seemed to always be their M.O.

“What’s going on Spencer?”

“Dave, he’s...we aren’t compatible. I knew it, deep down, but I just didn’t want to see it. He spends most of his time either researching, writing, or at his club. He doesn’t even try to be interested in the things I like. I thought we were good, and for a short-time we were. But, gradually I started to feel like I was just there for when he wanted me.”

Aaron rubbed Reid’s back and it made his heart ache with so much want and need, but he didn’t say anything for the moment.

“David Rossi, though a good person at heart, is a vain, self-centered, peacock. He maybe one of my best friends, but I see the faults Spencer. You never really lost that hero worship and, I think, when he wanted a relationship with you, it was because it fed his ego.”

“When we’ve gone out together, it’s like he’s trying to show me off, and I want no part of that. I lost you, the person who always let me be me. I was never an afterthought or a boost to your ego, I screwed up so badly. I miss you, all these months, I’ve missed you Aaron.”

Aaron took a chance and bussed a kiss on Spencer’s forehead.

“I don’t know if I can go back there Spencer. It hurt when you chose Dave. It hurt because I thought you loved me enough to choose me. I know I don’t have David’s shine, but I don’t want that. I’ve always just been the guy who loves what he does and wants to be with my family on the downtime, and I had made assumptions, that you and Jack were my family. I assumed that you would always want that because you never said any different.”

“I want to come home, Aaron.”

Aaron was quiet for several long moments, his thoughts a whirl as were his emotions. He really wanted Spencer to come home with him, Jack wanted Spencer to come home with him, but he wasn’t sure if he could go through this all again. He loved Spencer still, was in love with him, but he had hurt him deeply.

“I don’t know Spencer. We have a lot of work we have to do. I don’t know what I did Spencer…”

“No...no Aaron you didn’t do anything. It was me. I was selfish and didn’t see what I really had. I had you and Jack and I got scared. It was everything I ever wanted and it scared me. I turned to Dave...because...because it was easy, he was easy.” Spencer buried his head against Aaron’s chest and curled his fingers in the thin gown he was wearing.

“Family isn’t supposed to be easy Spencer. It’s supposed to be complicated and hard, but we love as well. It’s how we learn, how we grow. I love you Spencer Reid, but am I going to be able to trust you again? To bring you home I have to trust you Spencer.”

“Please Aaron, please give me a chance?”

Aaron sighed and closed his eyes. He knew it might be foolish, he knew he might get his heart get broken again, but then when was he ever smart about love.


	36. Another One Gone by DarkJediQueen

Spencer remembered everything. He never forgot, even when he wanted to. Even at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey he couldn't forget. All he had was memories and a single picture. The picture was buried in his closet and he couldn't think of anything else. 

"Do you want me to call someone?" the bartender asked.

"No. I live in the apartment building across the street."

"I think maybe you should go home."

Spencer closed his eyes to stop the pain. Home. 

"I think that I will."

Spencer laid down the money for the whiskey he had drunk and a good tip. He stood on shaky legs and moved towards the door. He waited on the sidewalk for a group of people to cross the street. He walked with them, making sure to not be last. Getting up to his apartment was easy. He set the alarm as he closed the door and slumped on the couch. He dug his cell phone from his pocket and set it on speaker as he played the last voicemail he'd received. 

"Spencer, this is sudden I know but some things have come up and I need some time. I'll call you later."

With what Spencer knew then, it was the day that Aaron and Jack had gone into hiding. Spencer knew that there was no way that he would be able to go with them, but he'd thought that he'd be told something by the man he loved. 

Aaron had called them family. Aaron had said he loved him. But this wasn't the way that family acted. This wasn't the way that someone who loved him acted. He laughed at the fact that Aaron had to go into Witness Protection to get away from him. 

Spencer was still just laying on the couch when the sound of his door opening startled him. He sat up in time to see someone disable his alarm. His gun was in his bedroom and there was no way that he was going to get to it in time. The person entering his apartment turned to him and he saw that he had a ski mask covering his face. Spencer tried to dial a number on his phone but he was too drunk and too scared. 

The person took aim with a gun and fired and Spencer knew no more.

XxXxXxX

Checking the news for DC was habit. Aaron did it at least every other day. Usually after he'd dropped Jack off at school before he came home and worked. Jack wasn't adjusting well to being in WitSec again. Weeks of silence from his son was weighing in on him. He'd done it to protect him but what was the emotional cost of saving his life?

The headline for the Washington Post was the normal but in the banner across the top was a headline that he had to click. FBI Agent Killed In Break In. Aaron click it with a shaking hand. There was a picture of a building that he knew well. Aaron choked back a sob as he clicked the X to close the browser. There was only a single FBI agent that lived there. 

Forget about saving Jack's body, this was going to crush his soul.


	37. His Darkest Hour Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron continues to enact his revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Major Character Death, and very dark psychopath Aaron.

Aaron destroyed the phone he had called Morgan on, looked down at the body of Spencer and felt his heart constrict. He had loved the man at one time, but when Foyet had taken him, and they left the country all hope that he had of being found was gone. The torture and pain he endured at Foyet’s hands had broken his mind completely. Then, just when he thought the man was going to kill him, he kissed him. Aaron had been confused after the almost year of torture, his torturer kissed him, and touched him. His mind snapped fully at that moment as he was taken by Foyet. It had been nothing like the rape that he had endured when the psychopath had first stabbed him. He didn’t know if it was because he was irrevocably changed or not. 

“I hate you,” Aaron had cried as Foyet had touched him so intimately. 

“I’ll make you love me, Aaron.” 

He protested, said that it would never happen, but somewhere along the way, somewhere in his shattered psyche he had come to love his captor and torturer. Oh, he knew it was a dark, twisted, and almost obsessional love. He knew that it wasn’t healthy, not at all but he knew he couldn’t leave George, not now, not ever.

Spencer had been a pure love. An innocent love that he gladly would have fallen into at one time. He could have been happy with the younger man, but now he just looked down on him in anger and disgust. He was one of the reasons Aaron was now so connected to George Foyet. A life he hated as much as he loved.

Sweeping the dark curls away from Spencer’s face he thought he should feel something more than regret. He realized he should be grieving, yet he wasn’t.  He felt...nothing. Throwing the phone down with the GPS tracker, and making sure the notebooks and files were where Morgan could find them, Aaron left the room without one backward glance.

The drive back to Quantico didn’t take that long. And it didn’t take that long to find JJ and Will’s house. He sat down the street staking it out. He knew JJ’s routine well by now, but he needed to know Will’s. It would be a day, maybe two before the remainder of Aaron’s old team started to lock down, and Aaron knew he didn’t have long. His attention was pulled back to the house when he saw JJ’s car pull up the drive. JJ got out, young Henry running out the door to greet his mother.

He waited and knew when to make his move. The lights in the living room went out, and Aaron knew they were setting the alarm, getting Henry into bed, then making their own way to bed. He slipped his gloves on, and would only wear the mask till he got into the house. He wanted JJ to see him, see who was going to be the end of her.

He smiled when the street lights went out on their scheduled timer, then got out of his car and ran across the street, and to the back of the house where he found the controls for the alarm. That was one of the things he had studied with Foyet, how to disable different kinds of alarms. This one was simple and his deactivation wouldn’t trigger the security. They would just assume the residents got up and turned it off themselves. After that was done, he knew which window was unlatched, having staked the house out before he had made his move on Spencer.

Climbing in he silently moved through the house. He stopped at Henry’s room, closed and locked the door. He drew the line at children, losing Jack had been the beginning of his mind snapping.

He then listened at JJ and Will’s bedroom door, heard the light rise and fall of breath, then slowly opened the door. He stealthily moved into the room and wrapped a hand around JJ’s mouth as he pulled her off the bed. He had her in a tight hold before she started to struggle. 

Will woke and tried to find the gun he kept in the drawer, but Aaron just smiled. He had been in their house before this night and sealed tightly the drawer with the spare gun inside.

“Hotch? What are ya’ doin’? Please let JJ go.”

“I’m sorry Will, I can’t do that. And don’t even try to talk me down, you know that I know all the tricks, all of the psychology. I fucking taught it. Now, be good and get out of bed and follow me. If you don’t I will snap her neck right here and now. Do you understand?”

Will was glaring at him, and Aaron knew he itched for his gun, but he nodded. He had the knife in his hand, it had been slipped into the sleeve of his jacket, before Will even saw what he was doing. He held it to JJ’s throat as he walked backwards, then down the stairs. 

“Get that bag and bring it here.” Will did as he was told and Aaron knew he was doing it to bide his time, looking for an opening. He wouldn’t get it. “Take out the plastic cuffs.” Aaron shoved JJ into a chair as Will took out the cuffs and held them in his hand. “Put them on her. Now!” Aaron glared at Will, who growled, but did as he was told. He then grabbed Will, who tried to fight him, but he was much stronger, he had trained with George and only got stronger and harder over the years. He got Will secured to the chair then went back to JJ.

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt Henry or Michael. They are safe. You, however are not.”

“Hotch..”   
  
Aaron set the tip of the knife right at JJ’s jugular as he sneered at her.

“Not Hotch. Didn’t Morgan tell you?”

“Please Aaron, you can’t mean it.”

“Can’t I? After all these years and all the profiling you can’t believe that I’ve snapped, that my mind is a much darker place than it had been?”

Tears leaked out of JJ’s pretty blue eyes and Aaron wiped them away.

“Haley once accused me of being attracted to you. I can’t say that I didn’t see you as a beautiful woman.” Aaron knelt down in front of her. “But, you were more little sister to me than possible lover.” Aaron leaned in and kissed the side of her mouth. “I loved you once. You, all of you, were family to me, but just like my father, I learned that you can’t rely of family.” The rage welled up as he glared at JJ.

“Aaron, please what happened to you? Make me understand.”

“You want to know?” Aaron stood up and never taking his eyes off JJ he pulled off his sweater, then his t-shirt. He moved to turn on the lights in the living room knowing that the team was going to be going to where Spencer was and it would too late when they figure out JJ isn’t answering her phone. He turned around and heard the intake of breath as he looked JJ in the face once more.

“Ho...Aaron. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but hurting us won’t make you feel any better. Please, you have to let us go.”

Aaron smiled cruelly as he once again knelt in front of JJ.

“Do you know what being stabbed feels like? The pain is excruciating and you’re trying to get it to stop, but it won’t, he won’t stop. We were so wrong about Georgie, JJ. He isn’t impotent at all.”

JJ’s eyes widened as her breath shallowed.

“Aaron?”

“He took hours with me, and none of you noticed I was gone. Not till it was too late. Do you know what it’s like to spend hours under the hand of a psychopath? The pain, the violation, in every way. Reid does, or I should say did. There was so much more that happened to him than what we saw on those tapes. But, at least he wasn’t raped, no, he was just tortured, mentally, physically. But me, you could probably imagine what George did to me in those hours and it broke me, but not as badly as this.” He made her look at the scars on his body as the tears spilled from her eyes.

“I’m so sorry Aaron.” 

“I know, but I’m not.” Aaron kept his eyes on her as he stood. He caressed her cheek once then in one swift stab to her jugular, she knew she was was dead. He watched as her light went out, heard Will cursing him as he struggled to get out of the chair.

“Don’t worry, you’ll join her.” Aaron got behind his chair and gripped his hair and pulled his head back against him. Then he proceeded to stab Will in the same way that Foyet had stabbed him, only this time the last blow was also to his jugular. Aaron moved around careful not to step in any blood, but it didn’t matter, Morgan would know it was him. Grabbing his bag he cleaned off the knife he used and threw it between the chairs, then he pulled out another of the cell phones.

_ “I swear to god I am going to come after you and kill you.” _

“And I’ll be waiting for it. However, you have another scene to process. Don’t worry, the children are still alive, I’m not that far gone.”

_ “What the hell are you talking about.” _

“She had the most beautiful blue eyes, didn’t she?” Aaron put a touch of sadness in his voice as he threw the phone down on the floor. Morgan was yelling and screaming at him as he grabbed his bag, went out the back and back to his car. He drove to the out of the way rental that Foyet had found for them and went inside. His husband would be home soon from Chicago and he knew he had better be how George liked him, or the punishment would be swift, and he didn’t like those punishments.

He took a shower, made a light dinner and read for a short while one of Spencer’s journals he had taken from the young man’s apartment. Once he got George’s phone call that his plane had landed, Aaron stripped, went into the bedroom and locked the restraints around his legs, then his wrists and waited. He would be good and tell George everything he had done, knowing his husband would be pleased.


	38. His Darkest Hour Part 3 by rivermoon1970

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron continues his spree

George had his cock buried in Aaron, fucking him hard and showing no mercy. Aaron was right, he had been pleased to hear what it was Aaron had done and how he had done it. He wasn’t even angry that Aaron had sex with Spencer. Thoughts of the genius were pushed aside as he felt fingers dig into his hips, his husband pounding into him while he slid his favorite knife down Aaron’s chest on the dull side. The smile on George’s face was feral with a touch of madness, though George wasn’t truly mad. Evil, psychotic, yes, but truly mad? No he wasn’t. 

Aaron learned years ago to take the things that George did to him, it was better than the punishments. And sometimes, even the sex actually felt good. This was one of those times. He was so close when George gripped his cock that he almost came without permission, but he stopped himself at the last moment.

“Good boy. You know who you belong to,” George sneered as he thrust hard inside Aaron and came himself. “For being so good, you get a reward.” George pumped Aaron’s cock in a tight fist that was almost, but not quite painful. He was thrashing around, trying to find that sweet release and when George said those words he needed to hear, he screamed out his completion as he released in George’s hand. “Like I said, good boy.” George stood and went to the bathroom to clean up, then came back and released Aaron from the restraints.

Aaron dropped to his knees on the floor, hands behind his back and his head down, waiting for whatever it was George wanted him for. He wasn’t told he could put on clothes as he waited for George.

“Stand, I brought dinner, I’m sure you are hungry.” Aaron got up and followed the man to the dining room where a chicken dinner was waiting for them. Aaron sat with George at the head of the table and a quick nod from him had Aaron serving them.

“Who is your next target?”

Aaron thought about the steps that he had taken a few days before all this started. The carefully crafted letter, a plea from Spencer, then Aaron had staked out the cabin and when the man showed up he knew what to do from there.

“A little bird took the bait. Now just a phone call to Rossi and the trap will be set.”

“You are more devious that I had ever given you credit for Aaron. I’ll allow two letters tonight. Jack should hear from his pen pal, don’t you think?”

Aaron showed no emotion, but inside his heart was pounding hard in his chest. When George was going to go after his son, and they fought in the house, the psychopath had gotten the better of Aaron and in a moment of pure viciousness, he made a deal with Aaron. If he came with George, the boy wouldn’t be hurt. Aaron had at the time had faith in his team, he thought they would find him, get him free of Foyet, but by the time man and boy disappeared with George, there was no trace. The pain and torture he endured because it save his son’s life. Though George had taken Jack away from him, given him to a family to raise with the stipulation he be sent to boarding school when he turned a certain age, Aaron almost broke. But, as long as he did what George told him to do, Jack would live.

As rewards for being good for his husband he got to write Jack a letter, though the boy no longer knew who Aaron was to him, they still wrote to each other and it was the only good thing left, or so he believed, from his old life. 

George left him alone the rest of the night, letting him write to Jack. He no longer tried to escape, he accepted his life, even if it was a type of hell. 

“I’m going out for a bit. I’ll be back in a couple of hours, we need food and supplies.” 

Aaron heard the door shut and a car start. He moved through the house to make sure George wasn’t there. He went to his closet and pulled out the small box that he kept hidden away as he sat on the floor and curled his legs against his chest. In it he had his and Haley’s wedding rings. A lock of Jack’s baby hair. A few trinkets from the team from over the years he had been Unit Chief. Then at the bottom of the box was a picture. It was one of him and Reid just a few months after Hardwicke. He picked up the picture and finally let himself feel. He had shut off all his emotions when he had found Reid in the bar, except when he had sex with the young man. It had been everything he had thought it would be, then his rage and anger took over, which was what George had counted on. The love he had once felt for Spencer had turned. He had held out hope that if anyone could figure out where he had been taken, it would have been Reid.

Aaron wasn’t sure when the tears had started but he felt the wet on his face and didn’t know what to do with the feelings that came with it. He knew what he had done and why he had done it, and after, seeing the brilliant, beautiful genius naked on the bed, dead at his hands, his mind snapped even more. He knew by the time this was all done, there would be absolutely nothing left of him and he was strangely okay with that.

_______________________________________

Aaron remembered why he hated stakeouts. The long thankless hours, the either not eating, or eating what he could get his hands on. This time though, there was an endgame to this particular stakeout. He saw it when Gideon pulled up to his cabin, he had already disabled the cameras and the alarms. He silently ran up to the front of the cabin and let himself in just after Jason had walked in. He knew the man was going to go into his kitchen, the grocery bags telling him what Jason was planning. Some kind of dinner for him and Dave. Aaron found a good hiding spot and crouched down into a comfortable position and waited.

Dave was right on time, the two old friends greeted each other, trading banter back and forth. Jason was setting up dinner for them, pouring wine into the only two glasses he had unpacked. Aaron smiled at that as he watched and waited.

Thankfully it didn’t take long before both men slumped down in their chairs, the drug laced glasses helped with that. Aaron quickly got to work securing both men in their chairs with unbreakable knots in the rope he used. He used shackles on their wrists instead of handcuffs and after he was done he grabbed a chair and sat in front of them waiting for them to come around. Aaron was almost amused that it was Jason fucking Gideon that was the first to wake up.

Jason looked around, then tried to get out of the restraints.

“Its unbreakable, Jason.”

“Hotch? What in the hell is going on?”

“Punishment Jason.”

Jason tipped his head to the side and looked at Aaron for a moment, assessing him.

“What happened to you Hotch?” Aaron lifted his mouth in a sneer as he glared at Jason.

“You, Dave, the BAU, that’s what happened to me.”

“Aaron…” Rossi slurred as he was coming out of the drug induced sleep. “You have to stop.”

“No!” Aaron growled as he leaned forward. “I am not stopping till someone stops me. I know all the tricks Dave, you, Max and Jason taught me well. I learned from all of you, so don’t even try to analyze me.”

“Did you tell him, Aaron? I haven’t. Just that we were looking for the unsub.”

Aaron turned to look at Jason with a flat expression and wondered just how much Jason would be hurt, if he would be hurt.

“Haven’t had time, you woke only seconds after he did.” Aaron leaned forward and tilted his head, he was compartmentalizing, dissociating even more than he had before and he knew it. 

“Spencer’s dead by my hand. Pretty Jennifer too, don’t worry, the children are safe.” The pain and anguish on Jason’s face, the struggle to get free and the rage didn’t faze Aaron one bit. “You think you have a right to grieve? You think you have a right to get angry? You don’t have any rights when it comes to Spencer. You left him. You left him broken and lost and who picked-up the fucking pieces? I did. Who covered for you and left me hanging? ME!. If you had stayed, maybe, just maybe you could have saved me.” Aaron stood, the knife in his hand.

“Hotch…”

 

“NOT HOTCH! Foyet. Remember him Jason? How I asked for your help, your opinion and you left me to figure it out on my own. You didn’t even try to help me, saying you trusted my judgement. We could have taken him then. No, just like with Spencer you couldn’t be bothered.”

“Aaron, you know that’s not what happened. You know I advised you, tried to help when you called and I helped go over those files you brought back. I’m sorry, for whatever happened to you…”

“You want to know? Do you both want to see what happened to me? Do you want to understand what you helped to happen?”

Dave and Jason looked to each other, trying to understand what happened to their protege.

Aaron stood and put the knife down and took off his shirt and stared at his mentors.

“Like what you see?” The venom in Aaron’s voice had both men flinching. “This took years. The first year I had hope, I kept thinking they’ll find me, they’re the best. The second year, my hope waned and I pleaded with every deity I knew and still nothing. By the third year I resigned myself then stockholm set in. Oh, believe me I know what I’ve been turned into. I know my love is twisted and dark, I know my life is equal heaven and hell. YOU could have saved me and none of you did.”

Aaron’s glare turned hard as he turned and grabbed the knife. He moved behind Jason and whispered in his ear.

“I loved you. You were not just my best friend, you understood me, you were like a brother, Jason.” Dave was shouting at him as he lifted the knife and slit Jason’s throat.

“Aaron, you have to stop this. It’s not going to end well.”

“Dave, by the time Morgan reads everything I left for him, I’ll get the death penalty. People will be calling for my blood, but there will be no book about me, the FBI will disavow me. Any papers or protocols that were put out by me will be buried. They won’t want to be associated with the things I’ve done. Goodbye Dave.” Aaron struck out and killed Dave as well. Throwing down the knife and the gloves, Aaron took another of the burner phones from his pocket. When the call went through, he could almost feel the rage on the other end of the line.

“A little bird is gone, and a writer will never hold a pen again.”  
“Fuck you, you goddamned psychopath.”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, what have I told you over and over Morgan, Psychopaths are born, Sociopaths are made. All of you helped make me into this. Don’t worry, it’s almost over.”

Aaron threw the phone down and walked out of the cabin with Morgan once again cursing his name.


	39. Lost Chances

Haley drove to the FBI training base at Quantico, the picnic dinner she had made before leaving her sister’s house on the seat next to her. Wine, cheese, fruit, and finger foods. It was simple and a tad romantic, however foolish that might be, but she felt like she had made a mistake. Aaron was a good man, and she had tried to change who he was, yet he was exactly who she fell in love with. He may have been gone a lot, but that didn’t mean that when he was home he neglected her. It was exactly the opposite, he lavished attention on her. Even waiting till she was asleep to do work he brought home. 

Aaron was also such a wonderful father. He loved Jack like she hoped he would, and being separated, asking for the divorce, seeing what she lost in the long run made her want it all back again. Her sister thought also thought she was foolish, but Haley didn’t think so. Aaron still loved her, didn’t he? She wanted to find out, and maybe she needed to be a little more understanding. Maybe giving where she had been rigid. This was the start, hopefully.

The security guard recognized her and waved her in and directed where she could park. Then, quickly parking she grabbed the large cooler bag with the food she had made. A genuine smile was on her face as she left the car and made her way inside. Again security recognized her and let her up to the sixth floor.

She thought about the quick phone call, how Aaron had said he was going to do some work, then go back to his apartment and crash. He had wanted to say goodnight to Jack, even though he was only a year and a half old, he got excited every time he heard his father’s voice. 

The elevator dinged and Haley was brought out of her thoughts as she made her way through the darkened office. It reminded her of Aaron’s early days at the prosecutor's office where he worked hard to raise among the ranks. She often bringing him dinner, helping with some of his paperwork. Haley stopped a moment and wondered if what happened was as much her fault as Aaron’s. They had moved so far away from each other, and she didn’t even notice it happening. She looked up and saw the soft light on in his office and shook her head before making her way up.

As she approached, she was quiet, wanting to surprise Aaron. When she got closer she heard soft sounds. Frowning she took another couple of steps and peered in Aaron’s window and was shocked at what she was seeing.

While Aaron was still somewhat dressed, the person currently moving against him was completely naked. Haley knew it was a man, though he was slim with narrow hips and shoulders, he was most decidedly masculine. The curly, light brown hair that fell to his shoulders told her she knew who he might be. 

Haley stood there, transfixed, unable the move as her hope shattered completely. She looked as Aaron dug his fingers in the man’s waist, gripping in a bruising hold. He pushed up with his powerful legs while the man went down. It was an erotic syncopated rhythm, that she knew she shouldn’t be watching. When the man bent forward and kissed Aaron, it took even her breath away. She hadn’t even kissed Aaron with that much fervor, or passion. Then Aaron’s hands moved down the man’s back and cupped his ass, fingers again digging in. He held the man still as he moved faster, harder making the man spill nonsense words and expletives as he was fucked into over and over.

She knew this kink of Aaron’s well. She remembered nights he got home and only took off his jacket before he took her. Rough wool, soft cashmere, whatever it was Aaron was wearing would rub erotically over her as he moved inside her. Or, nights he’d spend too long at his desk and she would walk naked into his office, straddle his lap and ride him hard till they were both spent and panting.

Haley reached up to wipe her mouth and felt the tears that fell down her face. She wanted to believe that what she was seeing was just sex. A fling for physical release, but it wasn’t, not by the expression on Aaron’s face, or the way he touched the man riding his cock. The way he surged up and gripped the man’s hair and kissed him, hard, she knew this was something more.. 

Soft words floated just out of her hearing, but she was loathe to move, or they might hear her. She felt trapped as her heart beat hard in her chest, breaking with each movement, each kiss, each soft word. She wanted to cry, to slide down the wall and let herself break completely apart, but she didn’t, she couldn’t.

“Aaron,” the man cried out just loud enough for her to hear, and there was so much emotion in that one word, she knew she was never going to have another chance.

“That’s it Spencer,” Aaron cried out, equal passion and, was that love? An arm wrapped around Spencer’s waist, as Aaron buried his head against the young man’s neck. Haley knew that pose, knew Aaron was going to cum. She’d seen it enough to know what Aaron looked like in orgasm. There was such a look of love and wonder on his face when he pulled back, that the last little pieces that Haley was trying to hold onto completely shattered.

She looked up and saw Aaron staring at her, keeping protective arms around his lover. She didn’t fight the tears that had been spilling. She turned and made her way to the top of the stairs and started to go down when she heard brusque footsteps behind her.

“Haley…”

Stopping she turned to look up into Aaron’s stricken face.

“We’re divorced Aaron. I have no right to be upset.”

“Why are you here?”

She smiled sadly as she lifted the bag. 

“Brought you dinner. I started to think about those early days and how I would bring you a picnic when you worked too long on a case.” 

“I never cheated on you.” Aaron blurted out.

“I know. I wouldn't accuse you, but this...it wasn't sudden was it?”

Aaron took a deep breath and leaned against the wall. He looked down at his shoes and furrowed his brow. She took in his rumpled clothes and knew he buttoned up in a hurry.

“You wanted the divorce. I was willing…” Haley held up a hand and smiled sadly.

“Don’t. I know that Aaron. But, I now also know that I will never be able to compete.”

“What are you talking about?” Aaron asked as he frowned at her. She almost wanted to laugh.

“The way you look at him, the way you kissed him. You never looked at me or kissed me quite that way. Oh, I know you loved me, but not like that. I’m just...I’m going to go so we don’t say anything to each other that we’ll regret.” Haley turned and was grateful Aaron didn’t try to stop her. She made it to her car and knew that Aaron was hopelessly in love with Spencer Reid.


	40. Breaking a Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were those who thought they knew best, and Spencer went along with the plan. How wrong they were.

Aaron sat there looking at the divorce papers. A second time, he was having a hard time believing that he was going through this a second time. Closing his eyes he leaned back in the chair in his office and tried to hold in the pain, the anger, emotions he could not even put a name to. Standing up he stood to look outside at the backyard. There was Spencer with Jack, Aaron tried to hold in the pain that shot though his heart. 

Jack, his son was angry at him all the time lately, and it just got worse after he and Spencer told him what was going on. Jack made it quite clear that he wanted to go live with his Papa. Aaron tried to protest, but Jack just glared at him then ran from the room. Now, he was losing the two most important people in his life and he felt gutted. He still did not understand why. He had given his everything to Spencer, loved him like he had not even loved Haley. There was no comparison, but maybe he was just not made out for that forever.

Aaron turned away from the window and went to the small stash of alcohol in a nook of his bookcase. He poured himself a small drink, telling himself that it was just going to be one. He heard the familiar soft footfalls of Spencer but chose not to look at him.

“When are you leaving?” Aaron tried to keep the bitter tone out of his voice, but he knew he didn’t succeed.

“Everything is packed. Aaron…”

“No, don’t. I still don’t understand what this is all about Spencer. I thought you loved me...I thought...I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought now does it? You want out, I’m not going to fight you. Jack wants to go with you, just, please don’t keep my son from me.” The broken tone was a surprise to even him. He still had not turned to look at Spencer.

He felt the man move up next to him and place a hand on his shoulder.

“I would never keep Jack from you. He just needs some time. The ordeal with SWAT, it scared him badly Aaron. I’m sure he will come around.”

Aaron turned just his head to look at his now ex-husband.

“Why, Spencer? Why won’t you talk to me and tell me what this is all about? I know you love me, or I thought you did. Was I so wrong? And if I was, why did you say yes?”

Spencer took a deep breath as he laid a hand on Aaron’s cheek.

“We’re just too different Aaron. I do care about you, I do, but I can’t live a lie anymore. This isn’t easy for me either. I wish things could be different, I do.” Aaron felt there was a lie in there somewhere, but he had no clue what Spencer was lying about. He stood there gripping the edge of the bookcase, his heart shattering into a million pieces. He was having trouble hanging on, that tiny little thread he was trying to cling to, but it was fraying at the edges. 

“Goodbye, Spencer,” Aaron turned away from the man. He wanted nothing to do with him at the moment. He was losing both his lover and his best friend. He would never understand what happened to them, he wasn’t even sure how he was going to survive this. 

For once Spencer was quiet and not spewing a million different facts. Aaron did not need to turn around to know that he left. Jack came in a few minutes later, the boy just stood there till Aaron turned around.

“Jack,” the name broke in Aaron’s throat as tears slipped down his face.

“Dad.” The boy flung himself at his father and clung to him so tight.

“I’ll always love you, Buddy. If you need to be with Spencer for a while, I’ll try to understand.”

“Dad, I love you too. I just, you changed Dad. Ever since the SWAT thing, you changed.”

Aaron tried to understand what Jack was saying, but he couldn’t feel any changes inside him. Jack pulled away from him and ran out to Spencer who Aaron knew was waiting in his car. When they both drove away, Aaron got blinding drunk.

* * *

Monday morning approached and everyone on the team noticed the empty office at the top of the stairs. JJ looked at Reid, who looked terrible.

“Spencer, where’s Hotch?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know, you guys always come in together.”

Spencer closed his eyes and took a moment to gather himself.

“We kept it quiet, didn’t tell anyone but I asked for a divorce.” JJ narrowed her eyes at Spencer as she sat on the end of his desk.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“JJ, I can’t, okay? It’s personal between Aaron and me.”

“Spencer, you guys are stupid in love with each other, what is going on?”

“I  _ can’t  _ tell you.”

“Does this have something to do with what’s going on?”

Spencer was going to say more, but the rest of the team came in. Prentiss showed up and everyone was surprised she was there. She had said that Hotch had called and asked her to come help. She was more than glad. Spencer tried to put on a happy smile, but he just couldn’t fake being happy.

When Aaron still did not show up, Spencer knew he had to go to the house to find out what was going on. The worst that he could think was that he got drunk and lost all track of time. Spencer would not have blamed him. Picking up his bag he told Rossi that he was going to go check on Aaron.

When Spencer drove up to the house, he knew in his gut that something was terribly, terribly wrong. No lights on and the quiet was very disturbing. Spencer got out of the car and used his key to gain entrance. He had his gun in hand and slowly went through the house, clearing each room. Everything was exceptionally clean, which scared Spencer. There was always some small mess somewhere, signs in the house that people lived there. But not even the den or Aaron’s office were out of order.

Spencer’s heart was pounding hard in his chest as he continued up the stairs. He cleared Jack’s room, the bathroom, and the spare room. Again, everything was in its place and clean. It wasn’t till he got to their bedroom that Spencer’s world shattered.

“No, no, no, no, Aaron,” he yelled as he ran to the body on the bed, but Spencer knew. He knew from the blood, the gun in Aaron’s hand, the cold body. He knew Aaron was gone. The sob that spilled out of Spencer as he fell to his knees, the pain was nothing like he had ever felt before.

With shaking hands Spencer called 911, then he dialed Rossi. Spencer let the phone slip from his fingers as he sat there, grief crashing down on him. His eyes trailed over the room, and on the dresser was an envelope. Spencer stood, and tried to slip on the pair of gloves he always kept in his pockets. He slipped them on, then took the envelope in his hand and pulled out the note. It was short, too short but the words were no less painful.

_ I loved too hard and fast, but no one saw me. _

“Oh god, Aaron.” Spencer left the room and waited for the police, ambulance, and his team. While he did he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed one number that was well used. 

“I’m giving you my notice, and I want it on record that what happened, this is on you and the FBI. I didn’t want this, but you thought your fucking plan to get Lewis was going to work, well AD Evans, it didn’t. It shattered a good man, it fucking killed him. So, I hope you are happy, please have the retirement papers ready when I get there. And they better be damned good.” Spencer spat into the phone.

“Spencer?”

“Agent Reid to you. And I’m going to look for another sponsor. Your plan to isolate sure did the fucking trick. My husband is dead.” Spencer felt numb.

“Reid? What are you talking about?” Evans was trying to be calm and placating, but Spencer wasn’t having it.  
  
“Aaron is dead. He killed himself and that’s all you’re getting. Have those papers ready. Once I sign them, I’m gone.” Spencer stayed in the living room as people arrived. Questions were asked, he answered dispassionately, when there was nothing more for him to do he left and went to John’s office. Without saying a word he looked over the forms, signed them and walked out. His heart was breaking, the love of his life gone, all because the Bureau thought they knew better. He had a young boy to talk to, who was probably going to shatter. Spencer knew he was never going to step foot in the FBI again.


	41. Breaking Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is always payback, ill deeds garner ill intent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sequel to Rivermoon1970's Breaking a Life.

There was a war going on in the world. A secret war that the civilians of the United States of America didn't know about. It was all about revenge. The BAU liked to try and find the stressor that made a killer snap. A death that happened just before, or an accident. It was always down to the stressor. 

When a stressor couldn't be found, it was harder to track the UnSub. The BAU had been hunting the man killing the rest of the FBI agent by FBI agent for four years. The stressor had happened long before that. It had started the plan. 

"Why are you doing this?" JJ Jareau asked. Widow now for three years. Husband killed by a drunk driver. Her youngest son was dead at her knees. Poor Michael had jumped in front of the bullet meant for her. That had been a shock. It hadn't hurt, though, watching someone close to him die. 

"None of you tried to stop this from happening!" Jack screamed with his gun held in front of him, aimed at JJ. The only person not tied to a post. 

"No one could predict it," Tara Lewis pleaded.

"Papa did. He told all of your bosses that nothing good was going to come of it. He left the FBI but the FBI wouldn't let him go! You all kept coming back and every single time you took a bit of him with you!" Jack looked at the rest of his victims before looking at his accomplice. "But no one ever sees betrayal coming."

Henry had supposedly been tied up to the post in the back but as Jack said the word betrayal, he stood up. No one saw it. He waited though before he stepped forward. 

"What happened to your father was a tragedy," David Rossi said.

"No, what happened to me and Papa was a tragedy." 

The sound of a phone ringing had almost everyone in the room jumping. Jack moved to the table where he had everything that he needed to take car of things all laid out. 

"Hello," Jack said as he answered it. The smile on his face was breathtaking. "Of course, Papa. Yes. I'm almost done with this job. Does Dad like the new windows?" There was silence on Jack's end of the conversation. "I'm glad. I have the recipe you wanted from Uncle Sean. I can't wait until Dad tries it." Jack smiled and nodded. "Love you too, Papa."

"Jack?" Penelope Garcia asked as she looked at him with utter shock on her face. 

"Papa had a mental breakdown about six months after I graduated high school. I've been taking care of him for the past twelve years since then. He thinks that Dad is alive and living in our home."

"I looked for Reid. He's dropped off the face of the Earth," Garcia said. 

"We stayed here in the states until I graduated high school. I went to Oxford for college and did well. While there I met a lovely older man. He taught me everything he knew about being the best that I could be. Between him and Papa, no one was ever going to catch me kill off every single FBI agent that had to with the murder of my father."

"He wasn't murdered, Jack," JJ said.

"He thought he had nothing left. He changed after what happened with S.W.A.T. but I begged my forgiveness to my father for what I did but back then I was upset at him. If I had known what was going to happen when I went with Papa, I would have never done it. But the FBI had made the choice that they knew better what was good for my father. No one ever found him. Peter Lewis disappeared after he destroyed my father and my Papa's lives. He thought he was smart. I know someone who was smarter. Who taught me to be smarter. Peter Lewis died, screaming for his life after I slowly flayed him alive." 

"What?"

"Peter Lewis's head is on my nightstand."

There was silence in the room as Jack looked at each of the surviving members of the BAU. Derek Morgan and family had been exempt because he hadn't been in the unit. Luke Alvez had been the first to die, drowning in his own blood in his bathtub after an apparent break-in. William LaMontagne had been next. 

"I have trophies from all the deaths I've orchestrated. Peter Lewis's head. William LaMontagne's badge. Luke Alvez's dog's collar. John Evan's car, that part was fun, getting it out of the country. Papa loves to drive it. Emily Prentiss's bones from her hand hold up a pen that I write with. Stephen Walker's briefcase, my husband uses that every day that he works. And all of your faces. The look on your faces." Jack paused and Henry moved. He stepped behind his mother and cock the gun he had. The shot rang out and all eyes in the room turned toward him. "When Henry kills his mother."

XxXxXxX

Cape Verde was beautiful. Henry smiled as the jet landed on their private strip. Jack wasn't ever going back to the United States of America and neither was Henry. The bodies of Aaron Hotchner and Haley Hotchner had been dug up and cremated years before and were on the mantel of the house. 

The normal car was waiting for them. Jack's mentor had handed over his criminal empire just a few years before and with it, Jack had become the most important man in the world to the rest of the unsavories of the world. 

"Papa's asleep right now, Hen," Jack said. 

"He sleeps more and more every day."

"He only lives because of me. He doesn't want to leave me parentless." 

"He loves you."

"You and I are all he has left."

Henry leaned in and kissed Jack on the cheek. He settled into his side and smiled as he replayed the fun of killing the entire BAU and leaving Rossi alive until just before they left. The man had died of a heart attack. Henry knew the signs. He'd done enough medical school for it. He just had a month before school started up again. Jack didn't like him taking part in the business as he wanted him focused on school. When he was done, though when he was done it was going to be awesome.


	42. The Decision by DarkJediQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added Warnings: Self Harm, Cutting

Aaron was walking through the house, heading back to his office, when he passed by Jack's bedroom. The door was cracked, which was odd because Jack always shut it when he was inside, especially when Jack had friends over. Nearly nine months in Witness Protection and Jack still hadn't forgiven him for making the decision without him to remove them from DC and the threat of Peter Lewis. Aaron had changed his name to Noah while Jack had stayed Jack, just making it easier on the boy. Nine months without contact to the only family that Jack had known. Jessica had chosen not to go into Witness Protection because of her father. Aaron paused outside the door and listened. Jack was inside with Gunter, the only friend that Jack had even attempted to make since arriving in Salem, Oregon.

"So you don't have a mom?" Gunter asked.

"I had a mom. She died when I was little. I don't have a lot of memories of her, but Papa used to help me remember her. He remembered all of the stories that Dad used to tell about her." Jack sounded sad, and it wasn't the kind of sad that he seemed on any given day, this was more than that. Aaron was worried.

"Why don't you have any pictures of your Papa?" Gunter asked.

"Because when Papa died, Dad got rid of them all. I keep trying to draw his face so that I don't forget but I can't get his smile right."

Aaron's heart clenched. The backstory was that Noah and Jack had moved to Oregon after the death of a spouse, but Aaron hadn't realized that Jack had been telling people that his Papa died. Aaron had made sure to never give a gender to the dead spouse. He was sure that it was in the cover that WitSec had created for them. He didn't care.

"Show me. Maybe I can help."

Aaron walked away before he could barge in and assist them as well. WitSec hadn't allowed them to take anything with them. There were no pictures squirreled away, nothing. Only memories that in the middle of the night gripped Aaron hard. Thankfully the loss of a spouse exempted him from the ladies at the office trying to set him up on blind dates, or trying to hit on him it seemed. The thought of even trying to go on a date with someone that he would never be attracted to made Aaron sick. He missed Spencer so much. His body ached to feel the younger man just one time. There was little that Aaron could do about that. He had made his decision, and he needed to keep to it, to keep Jack. Spencer understood that. Spencer had let them go, it hadn't been without a fight, but Aaron laid out the threat to Jack, Spencer had relented. Spencer had always understood that Jack came first. From the first date to when Aaron and Jack had walked away from him. Aaron had felt sorry because it was another family that left, but Spencer understood. Aaron wasn't sure that Spencer would ever forgive him, but he understood. Aaron had left him behind to tell Peter Lewis that it wasn't worth going after him because if Aaron had left him, that meant that Aaron didn't love him.

XxXxXxX

It was early afternoon, and Aaron was happy that he got off early. He worked at a local corporation as a business lawyer. It hadn't taken him long to brush up on law and then to work his way through what Aaron needed to know to do his job, but sometimes it was long hours. Jack was home from school just an hour when Aaron walked through the door. Aaron hoped that he would be in the living room working on homework or even in the study that was across from Aaron's office, but he wasn't. Aaron looked around for him inside of the house, but his son wasn't there.

Worry set in his stomach like a stone before Aaron double checked the three bathrooms. When he entered the downstairs guest bathroom, Aaron saw a gauze pad on the floor. Aaron moved to the cabinet that had the first aid kit and found that the gauze inside was a lot lower than it should be. There was also the bottle of alcohol and the tube of bacitracin missing. Aaron frowned and left the kit sitting on the counter before he walked to the back door. There had been a wooden fort in the backyard when they moved in. Aaron had talked about getting rid of it, but Jack had wanted to keep it. He spent warm days out in it, away from his father. Aaron was silent as he crossed the lawn to it. Jack wasn't in the upper section, but the sound of movement from the lower area had Aaron crouching.

Aaron hadn't been in or around the wooden fort since Jack had claimed it, trying to give his son a place that was entirely his without Aaron desecrating it but looking inside, Aaron wished that he hadn't done that. The fort had been made from white birch and so was very light in color, but yet the boards that made up the floor of the lower section were stained dark. Jack was sitting in the corner with a book in one hand, but he wasn't looking at it. Jack's eyes were closed but he wasn't asleep, his breathing was too forced for that. In Jack's other hand was a razor blade. Aaron could see trails of blood running down each of his inner thighs. The blood coated the floor and was the source of the dark staining. Aaron watched as Jack set the razor down before he wiped his bloodied hand before picking the book back up and starting to read. Aaron realized that the book was one of the ones that were on the shelf in the old apartment for Jack and Spencer to read together.

Leaving before Jack could see him, Aaron didn't know what to do. His son was cutting. _Jack_ was cutting. Jack was hurting himself. Aaron spent hours researching the best psychologist in the area, but in the end, he was scared to send Jack to one. He would have to wait until their contact with the Marshal service visited them. Figure out if there was a safe psychologist in the area for Jack to see. There had to be someone that Jack could talk to, truthfully talk to because there was no way that Aaron could handle it. Aaron had caused it.

Aaron went to bed that night and only passed out from exhaustion in the early hours of the morning, but his dreams were not letting him rest. He kept replaying the day that he found Haley head in their bedroom except Jack was beside her, the Jack that Aaron had seen cutting on himself, no his precious four-year-old boy who he had been trying to save by fleeing from Peter Lewis.

The dreams stayed with him for weeks, even after Jack had been put into therapy. Which wasn't helping because Jack wasn't stopping.

XxXxXxX

Aaron stepped into the apartment building, feeling like he was going back in time a lot longer than just a short year. Three months of therapy for Jack and nothing was helping. Jack wasn't opening up to any of the three therapists that Aaron had taken him to see. Jack was perfect in school, pulling perfect grades but at home, he didn't speak to Aaron, and he was either locked in his bedroom or out in the fort. Aaron had tried to get rid of everything sharp in the house, locking the knives in his gun locker but Jack just found something else to cut himself with. Aaron gave that up and just made sure that Jack had safe and clean things to cut himself, enough bandages, and everything he needed to keep himself safe. It hurt Aaron to know that Jack was doing it but he couldn't risk that Jack would indeed hurt himself by being forced to hide it and being compelled to use whatever he could find.

"Agent Hotchner?" a voice asked, pulling Aaron around of his thoughts. He looked up to see Maria, Spencer's next door neighbor. "Spencer said that you were gone."

"Gone?" Aaron asked. Maria looked white as a sheet. Like she saw a ghost.

"Every time I asked for a while he said nothing, just went to a different topic and then I never saw Jack either, and when I finally pushed him, he said that you two were gone, never coming back. I thought he meant that you died. I tried to find the accident report, but I didn't. I figured it had something to do with your job."

"Something like that except no, Jack and I are alive."

"Then why the hell have you let him rot in prison?" Maria asked, her eyes turning fierce.

"Prison?" Aaron looked at the door to Spencer's apartment and then back at Maria. Prison? What the hell was Spencer doing in prison.

"He was framed for the murder of a woman while on a case, that's what JJ told me when she came by to get him things."

"What do you know?" Aaron asked.

"That's all I know. It happened in Minnesota, but since he was on the job, his lawyer was able to get it moved to Federal Court, but he was denied bail."

Aaron turned, and he didn't even stop to think before he hailed a cab. He hadn't expected to leave so soon, so he had told the cab that had dropped him off to leave. Jack was with Jessica and a Marshal. The service hadn't been happy that Aaron was leaving their protection but just as the reasons for him to join it was protecting Jack, leaving it was to save Jack because Aaron wasn't going to lose Jack to his own spiral just to save him from Peter Lewis. Jack's health was more important, and when Jack had attempted suicide, Aaron had to make a decision.

The drive to the station to get him to Quantico was quick, but Aaron hadn't wanted to walk to the nearest station. Instead, he'd had the cab driver take him to the closest station to the edge of the city, making the ride from there to Quantico shorter. Aaron's thoughts were swirling as he was taken closer and closer to Quantico. He searched the Internet for anything and everything that he could find on the case.

Spencer had been charged with the death of a Sofia Carey in Minnesota. He had been found with heroin in his system and his blood on the murder weapon, a cut matching it on his hand. There was no reason why Spencer would have killed her though. She was eventually cleared of the crime that she had thought to have committed. The Federal Judge had deemed him a flight risk for unknown reasons and thrown him in prison.

Stepping out of the station in Quantico, Aaron debated how he was going to get inside of the base. He had nothing on him that named him as Aaron Hotchner, those documents were all locked up, and the Marshals hadn't got them to him yet. Aaron had no weapon, nothing. Still, Aaron made his way to the entry point on the base that he had used what felt like a lifetime ago. Aaron sighed in relief when the two guards were ones that he knew. They would at least talk to him and not shove him out.

"Agent Hotchner?" the first guard, Stan called out. The second guard, Alan turned around as well and smiled at him before frowning.

"You are supposed to be gone, in Witness Protection if the rumors are right."

"I'm here to talk to my former team."

"Why?" Alan asked, his eye critical on Aaron's body. Looking Aaron up and down for a threat.

"Because I want to know why the hell Doctor Reid is sitting in prison."

"Agent Rossi hasn't come in yet for the day. If you wait, I'm sure that he'll sign you in. We will look the other way if he does and not check ID."

"Good because I haven't been given those back yet."

"Aaron?" Dave called out. Aaron thought about the old saying about speak of the devil, and he shall appear.

"What the hell has happened to this team in the time that I have been gone?" Aaron demanded. He could be Hotch, the hardass who brokered no failure.

"Get in the car." Dave didn't look happy.

"Tell me everything."

XxXxXxX

Aaron felt weird being in one of his old suits, he'd chosen this one because it was Spencer's favorite on him. Aaron was sitting in the crowd, waiting for the court session to start. Prentiss's lawyer was stupid. Aaron could see the bruises on Spencer's face even from a distance. Aaron burned with righteous anger. Dave hadn't driven him into the base and into the FBI building. No instead, Dave had driven him to a law office in Alexandria after texting to tell Prentiss that he was running a lead on Spencer's case.

The law office was one of the older ones in the Virginia area, and Aaron had worked with some of the lawyers there. It was one of the best defense firms in the country. Before the end of the first meeting, Aaron was signing a contract to work for them, working on the Spencer Reid case, as a favor to Dave. What had followed a whirlwind of a debrief. Aaron had learned every single aspect of Spencer's case from Dave and then found out about the side case that was being worked, in that the FBI had washed their hands of Spencer. They had pulled their support, and someone from inside the FBI had made sure that Spencer was in general population inside of the prison. Someone wanted Spencer dead, and that didn't sit well with Aaron.

"I don't understand why we are visiting the matter of bail for Mr. Reid again." The judge did not look happy at all.

"I'm confused as well," the district attorney said as he looked at Spencer's lawyer. "This motion wasn't filed by Miss Duncan but a..." the lawyer flipped through the motion and found Aaron's name. "Aaron Hotchner."

Aaron watched as Spencer sat up straighter in his seat, but he didn't look around. Aaron looked away from Spencer to where the team was all sitting in the row behind Spencer, they did start to look around. JJ was the first to spot him in the back corner. Only a few seconds passed before everyone, but Dave was looking at him.

"Who is that?" Duncan asked.

"There is also a motion to sever the current council, also filed by Mr. Hotchner," the judge said. She looked at Spencer, there was a frown on her face, a massive one that Aaron knew wouldn't mean good things for Spencer but Aaron would make sure that what he wanted, he was going to get. "Mr. Reid, did you know about this?"

"No, Ma'am."

"Who is Aaron Hotchner?"

"My former boss."

"Why does he want to take over as your council?"

"I am unsure, Ma'am. I wasn't even aware that he was in the area."

"Why not?"

"Because the last I knew he was in Witness Protection."

"From who?"

"The same man that I believe set me up for this murder charge."

The judge's eyes widened.

"This is highly irregular, Your Honor."

"However, that motion is not needed," Spencer said.

"Yes, that is true, Mr. Reid doesn't need a change in council." Duncan sounded smug.

"No, it's nodded because I release you as my attorney."

Duncan looked at Spencer in shock. She didn't notice Aaron standing up at the back of the court and making his way forward. He tugged on his suit sleeve, making sure that he looked impeccable. Duncan didn't leave willingly telling Spencer that she needed him. Aaron just waited until the officers removed her from the court before he sat down in the seat that she had been in. Spencer didn't look at Aaron. He didn't look at him at all. Aaron felt that deep in his heart, but still, he pulled the seventeen motions that he had wrote up and set them down on the table in front of him.

"Mr. Hotchner, do you need a few minutes to confer with your client?"

"No, Ma'am. My first motion to have my client released on his own recognizance."

"Bail has been decided on."

"Yes. Ma'am, however since this court decided that Doctor Reid should be denied bail, and placed in Protective Custody inside the prison to await trial, yet he was not placed in protective custody. Instead, he has been put with criminals, a few of which Doctor Reid put in jail, it's showed that this court can't protect him."

"What?" The Judge waved her hand for the motion. Aaron stood up and moved forward to hand it over. Inside the motion was what Aaron's new law firm could find on why Spencer was denied what the court had ordered to happen and what had been done to make sure that no red flags were raised.

"Your Honor, that may be, but Mr. Reid is still a flight risk," the DA said.

"Doctor Reid is not a flight risk."

"His only ties to the community are his mother, who has been placed back in Las Vegas. He has no other family."

"Doctor Reid's team is his family. He has two Godsons and-" Aaron cut himself off because he almost called Jack Spencer's son. That didn't need to be revealed until Aaron had got a chance to talk to Spencer.

"And?"

"I'm sorry, Ma'am. I was speaking without thinking."

The doors opened, and Aaron turned to look because it was rare for someone to enter, but his heart stopped when he saw Jessica and Jack.

"No minors," The Judge called out.

"I'm sorry, Your Honor," Spencer said. Aaron looked over at him and saw that Spencer was watching Jack. "They'll leave."

"Papa!" Jack cried out. Jessica wrapped his arm around Jack's waist and started to pull him out.

"Son, who exactly are you calling out for?" the Judge asked.

"My Papa," Jack said. There were tears on his face, and Aaron wanted him to leave to not have to face if Aaron's motions didn't get Spencer out of jail.

"Who is your papa?"

Jack pointed, and it was very clear that he was pointing at Spencer.

"Mr. Reid doesn't have any children listed," the DA called out.

"Papa was going to adopt me, and then I had to go away, and it never happened."

"What is your name?"

Jack looked up at Jessica, and she nodded. "Jack Hotchner, Ma'am."

"Chambers," was the only thing that the judge said.

XxXxXxX

Aaron ached as he took in the sight in front of him. Spencer was sitting down in the armchair in Dave's personal study in his house. The armchair was oversized, so it fit Spencer and Jack, in Spencer's lap, perfectly. The two had their heads pressed together, and they were talking. Spencer still hadn't said a word to Aaron at all, even in the Judge's chambers where everything was laid out for her. Why Aaron and Jack had gone into custody and why Spencer hadn't been taken if the relationship was that strong. By the time they left the chamber an hour later, Spencer was freed on his own recognizance.

"It's going to take time. Reid's been in jail for three months, Aaron. I think that Jack, Henry, and Michael are going to be the balm to his soul. Now, you've danced around telling me why you left WitSec. Tell me now."

"Jack's cutting."

"Cutting classes?"

"No. Cutting himself. He's been doing it for months, and I sought mental help for him, but it kept on. I took everything sharp out of the house, but he just kept getting other things. I was afraid of him doing something stupid and getting himself sick. He never opened up to anyone, and the last therapist had access to our entire file. She suggested that if for Jack's mental health, maybe coming back was a good idea. I've already seen him smile more in the past hour with Spencer than he has in the entirety of our year away. No matter what happens, I made the right choice."

"I'm glad you think so because the AD of the FBI is here to talk to you and Spencer and what he has to say isn't good."

"What do you mean?"

"Peter Lewis has a contact inside of the FBI, and he's been using her. She framed Reid for the murder of that suspect because he was in her way of getting to you. Lewis is using her for information and hoping that framing him would bring you out. He wasn't prepared for you to take this long and she went off the rails and killed him."

"Lewis is dead?" Aaron asked.

"Fitting end I say. Agent Bloom documented it all it seems but everything is being checked over."

"And we are finding out about this now?" Aaron wanted to know why Spencer had gone to jail for this. Why the FBI had even allowed that to happen.

"It seems that this was used as a way to try and ruin Reid."

"So this goes higher than Bloom?"

"Yes, how far I don't know and I don't know if the people above Bloom knew about Lewis or not."

Aaron nodded. "Let him have a few more moments with Jack before we sic him on the AD."

The discussion that followed broke Aaron's, heart. Spencer had been put into prison to hopefully have him do something that would actually get him fired from the FBI when it was found out that he was innocent of murder. His entire career washed away because there were those that were afraid of what would happen when he rose higher and higher. Every single word that the AD laid out broke Spencer more and more. The retirement package that the AD offered Spencer was better than the one that Aaron received. Of course, the higher-ups at the FBI hadn't tried to ruin Aaron's life. Spencer accepted and signed the paperwork before he left the room.

"I have ruined many friendships that I have cultivated over this," the AD said.

"You don't sound upset over it."

"The Director wasn't happy when a few others tried to use the meetings that Spencer goes to as a reason for his dismissal. Especially after I pointed out to the Director that he started to go to meetings after being dosed on the job by an UnSub. My long time of going to the Beltway Clean Cops has been known to the Director, and I made him aware that I took Spencer under my wing when he started to go after being subjected to Dilaudid while on the job."

"You..." Aaron looked at the AD and realized that he was Spencer's sponsor. He was the person who Spencer saw when he needed help. Aaron realized that the AD had known about Spencer's relationship with Aaron and had kept it a secret.

"I also fought it when Witness Protection wouldn't allow you to take your partner. I told them that Lewis would just go after him. I had eyes on him here, but I wish I would have found a way to make sure that he had eyes on him during cases. I've worked tirelessly for three months to uncover all of this. The FBI is going to be going through a lot of changes." The AD looked at the door that Spencer had gone though. "He would have done well inside the FBI in the years to come. He would have been my pick to take over the BAU when Prentiss left. We lost a good person."

"I know." Aaron stood up and moved to the door. He needed to talk to Spencer. There was a lot to say.

XxXxXxX

Healing took time, Aaron knew that and Spencer wasn't just healing from having Jack and Aaron taken away from him. He was healing from losing faith in the FBI. He was recovering from his time in prison. Aaron kept his job at the law firm, willing to take cases that had nothing to do with defending criminals, which there were a lot of them for Aaron to take. Jack was enrolled in the same school he had been in. Aaron had been offered his place inside the FBI again, but he hadn't wanted it. Aaron wouldn't do that to Spencer. He wouldn't make Spencer watch him leave on cases.

Spencer slept in the guest room, and Aaron was just thankful that he was willing to live with him and Jack. Spencer went every two weekends to Las Vegas to see his mother, while she still remembered him. Aaron hated the days that he was gone from them. Jack wasn't entirely healed. He dreamed that Spencer did die on a regular enough basis that all three of them were in counseling. The FBI paid for Spencer's as part of his retirement package. The FBI also was going to pay for Diana's treatments as long as she was alive because of what had happened to Spencer. If Spencer had sued the FBI, he could have got a lot more, but it was worth it for the less stress of it all.

The house they lived in had been bought with some money from the both of them. Spencer hadn't cared about what was purchased as long as it had a room that he could turn into a study/library. Aaron kind of hated that place. It's where Spencer spent most of his time. Aaron worked some in his office but most of his time at home was spent with Jack and Spencer when Jack could convince him to come and watch a movie with him.

"Aaron?" Spencer called out as he entered Aaron's office at the house. Aaron looked up to see him dressed in a soft pair of pajamas and a t-shirt. Aaron glanced at the clock on the wall to see that it was past ten. He hadn't meant to work for so long.

"Yes, Spencer?" Aaron scooted back from the desk some as Spencer walked closer. Aaron watched him as he fought with himself about something. His eyes danced between Aaron and the chair in front of his desk. It was set so that Jack could sit in there and work on homework some nights. Decision made, Spencer moved around the desk. Aaron turned to face him as he stopped just in front of him. Aaron itched to reach out and touch him. He ached for it, but Spencer had flinched away from all of those touches since Aaron had come back into his life.

Spencer reached out his hands, and Aaron reached out as well. Spencer grabbed Aaron's wrists but not to stop him. Spencer laid Aaron's hands on his hips. Aaron couldn't help himself as his fingers curled into flesh and held on tight. Aaron didn't want to let go.

"Come to bed, Aaron." Spencer reached out and pulled Aaron's face up. Tilting it up so he could kiss it. He placed a kiss on Aaron's forehead before he pressed kisses to Aaron's eyes. "I miss sleeping in the same bed with you and tomorrow I have called you off of work already. I talked to your secretary, and she said that you are not in court tomorrow. So we are going to spend the day together once we drop Jack off at school."

"Okay." Aaron stood up and pulled Spencer close with his hands before letting going and wrapping them around Spencer's shoulders. Spencer buried his face in Aaron's neck, inhaling deep and sighing before he relaxed into him.

Healing took time and Aaron had all of the time in the world to make sure that Spencer healed.


	43. Saying Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Blackwolf watched Aaron walk out again, but this time he knew he needed to make some hard choices. Especially when he saw the car that had followed and Dr. Reid sitting inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sequel to Secrets and Lies.

John leaned in the doorway to his porch watching Aaron drive away to his hotel. He sighed and wondered if they could keep going like this, or if this affair was eventually going to shatter one of them completely. Taking a sip of coffee, conflicted he wondered if  _ he  _ could go on like this. He knew if he made the sacrifice to leave, to move to Virginia, Aaron and him would be together. But, that meant leaving his people, the reservation behind. He couldn’t, wouldn’t do that. He fought hard to keep his people together, but it was getting harder when there were so many opportunities for the younger generations out there in the world. He did what he could, as much as he could to pass on his knowledge. That knowledge that his own Grandfather had passed on to him.

John looked down into the empty cup and sighed. He often ignored the pain of separation, of seeing Aaron drive off, or the times he visited DC and he watched Aaron go back to his life and his work. Work that involved a Government that still refused to see his people and the damage they keep inflicting upon them. Finally pulling himself away, he went back inside his house and tried to remember he had a real life to get back to. 

 Several hours later he found himself in his office sorting through the different reports that needed finishing and filing. He hated that he sometimes looked up what was going on in the BAU. He hated himself for the vigilance he often felt towards Aaron, especially after Foyet’s attack. Now, he had learned that they were being stalked, but Aaron told him to stay out of it. He would try. Even if it was difficult, he would try.

 “You always look too serious.” A man’s voice brought him out of his thoughts. He looked up to see the man he most respected in the world. 

 “Grandfather. When did you get back?” John smiled as he stood to give the man a quick hug.

 “Just a little while ago.” The man said as he sat in a chair across from John.

 “How did the dig go?”

 “It went well. With the help of the Indigenous people, the Canadian Government is finally making reparations, and letting them did on their own land, keeping the artifacts for themselves and relearning their own heritage.”

 John’s Grandfather, Emmanuel Stonecaller, was a force to be reckoned with. He had several degrees in Anthropology and Sociology all geared towards The Original People, their stories and their dying ways of life. His goal had always been to help preserve and educate. The two men sat in silence for a while as John worked. Neither one ever in a hurry.

 “You are a man out of your time, John.”

“Grandfather?”

 “John, I’m not stupid. I know what this weekend was, and I see the pain in your eyes. Pain you never talk about. I find it ironic that it is a person who is not only a White man but one in the FBI.”

 John threw down his pen and leaned back in his chair. His Grandfather had never brought Aaron up, though he knew the man suspected. Especially after John had expressed his respect for the man. 

 “Grandfather…” Emmanuel held up a hand to make John stop.

 “You don’t have to say anything. In another life, and another time you would have been a great Shaman, John. When your father gave you to me, to teach, to help raise, I knew you were different. You would have been revered and you would have had great power. The Ancestors love you, but they have terrible sense of timing, don’t they?” The two men laughed, but Emmanuel wasn’t finished. “You also love with everything inside of you and I know how this hurts you. You have to make a decision, John, before this goes on any longer.” Emmanuel stood and left. John knew he had said his peace, there was nothing more to say on the matter.

 Standing, John turned to look out his window and thought back to that very morning. Waking in bed, wrapped around his lover with a sort of knowing in his heart. His Grandfather was right, he had to make a decision. A final one, and the right one for everyone. Especially the young Dr. Reid. John wasn’t oblivious to the car that had followed Aaron on Saturday. John knows that Dr. Reid saw him, but he doesn’t know that he saw Dr. Reid. He knew, in his heart, that Aaron was in a relationship with the awkward but attractive younger man. John also knew that Dr. Reid could be all things to Aaron, even more so if he was out of the picture.

 Sitting back down at his computer, John knew what he had to do.

* * *

It took a couple of months to make the time to go to Virginia. There were several times that John almost backed out. He would never have called himself a coward, far from it, but when it came to matters of the heart, he was only human. He had tried to relax on the flight over, but there were some things that one never truly got over. John would never get over this, but it had to be done, he had to free the both of them because he knew that Aaron never would.

 John had followed the case of the Replicator and knew about Dr. Reid’s friend being killed. He knew what it was like to lose those you cared greatly for. Taking a deep breath, John had gotten through the airport pretty quickly, picking up the car he rented, he was soon driving towards a place he never thought he would go.

 Knocking on the door John waited anxiously not knowing what to expect. When Dr. Reid opened the door they just stood there looking at each other for a few long moments.

 “Mr. Blackwolf. How can we help you?”

 “Dr. Reid. I need to speak with Aaron.”

 “Do I need to leave for this?”

 “I know that you know. I saw you, Dr. Reid.”

 Spencer visibly sighed as he stood to the side letting John in. 

 “Then what are you doing here now.”

 “Something that I think I should have done a long time ago. Made the hard choice.”

 Spencer nodded, grabbed his messenger bag and started to walk out of the apartment.

 “I’m going to stay with a friend. Tell Aaron to call me when this…” He looked up at John, facing him eye to eye. “I love him. I love him more than you could ever understand. Even to the point that I, grudgingly, accepted. Just, be careful with him.” Spencer squared his shoulders and didn’t flinch once.

 “You’re a stronger man that you look, Dr. Reid. You’ve grown since I first met you. I wanted to say thank you for the paper you wrote about the Cherokee and the misappropriation of our culture. It was done with a lot of care.”

 “You were the big influence for me doing it. Thank you.” Spencer turned and started out the door. “Our son is with his Aunt. Aaron should be back shortly.” With that the younger man left and John admired the love and strength he had. That made this decision all that much easier.

 Looking around the apartment John saw the life that Aaron had made with Dr. Reid. Pictures, trinkets, even the movies that they collected was a combination one would see in a family. He went to the kitchen and got himself some water and leaned against the counter and waited.

 John didn’t have to wait long when he heard a key in the lock. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for this, he just knew what had to happen. John sipped at the water and waited patiently for Aaron to figure out he was there.

 “Spencer,” Aaron called out as he set his things down.

 “He’s left for the evening, Aaron. Said that he was going to a friend's house.”

Aaron whipped around so fast that at any other time it would be comical. 

 “John, what are you doing here?” Aaron swallowed as he shrugged out of his jacket. John had a wistful smile on his face as moved to stand in front of Aaron. Normally he wasn’t a soft man, but he knew this was one of those occasions where it would warrant a touch of soft, a touch of vulnerability.

 “I have never said what I feel,” John’s voice was that calm rich voice that Aaron had fallen for, but it held a touch of sadness that made Aaron frown. John reached out and feathered his fingers over Aaron’s brow. “I love you, Aaron Hotchner. Somehow, you reached deep inside me and never let go. I think it started when we were sitting there on those steps of the school, the boys trussed up ready for your team. I looked at you and for a moment, just a quick moment I saw someone who was free.” John leaned in and pressed his forehead against Aaron’s. “That’s why I’m here. We both need to be free, Aaron.”

 “John,” Aaron’s breathing was labored and when John laid a hand on his heart he felt how hard it was beating.

 “You have someone who can give you everything, Aaron. Don’t be stupid. I looked into Dr. Reid’s eyes and saw the depth of what he feels for you. Don’t throw that away. What we have, while profound, is just a dream, Aaron. It’s a wish, but neither of us is willing to change. We aren’t made for that forever. Your beautiful Doctor, he is your forever.”

 “I don’t know if I can let you go.” 

 John felt the same, but he would be the stronger one. He had to be.

 “Yes, you can. We both know that as much as we tried, this wasn’t going to be forever. It couldn’t be.”

 Aaron moved in closer, wrapping his arms around John. 

 “Will you stay?” The whispered question had John holding Aaron just a little closer, just a little tighter. Could he stay just once more and walk out in the morning? He knew he took a long time to answer, but Aaron was used to his long silences of introspection.

 “Yes. this one last time.”

 In the morning John made himself leave. When he had put his clothes back on, as silently as he could, he found the note in his pants pocket. It was a phone number. He never saw when Dr. Reid had put it there, but he remembered the younger man was something of an amateur magician. 

 He waited till he was at the airport to dial the number. He left the car, checked in for his flight then found a semi-private corner where he could call.

 “ _Reid.”_ The man on the other line sounded more awake than anyone should at that early hour.

 “Dr. Reid. It’s John Blackwolf. I’m at the airport and I’m leaving. He’ll need you.”

 John got a little nervous at the silence on the other end of the call. He thought Dr. Reid had hung up, then he heard the exhale of a breath.

 “ _I know this wasn’t easy, and I know it may seem wrong of me to say this, but thank you_.”

 “You are a good man, Dr. Reid. Not many would stay after they learned the truth of the person they loved.”

 “ _John, I know you love him too_.”

 John softly chuckled as his eyes became wet, but he refused to let the tears fall. Not here, not now. Only when he was home and felt safe would he grieve. 

 “Take care of him, Dr. Reid.” John hung up and slipped the phone in his pocket. He went into the bathroom to splash water on his face hoping it helped to keep his grief at bay for a while longer.

* * *

Getting home, walking back into his house John took a deep breath and tried to feel at peace over what he had done. He changed into some comfortable clothes, then just took a walk. When he got to a spot that had been a favorite of his and Aaron’s he closed his eyes, lifting his face towards the sky finally he felt free to grieve. 

 John Blackwolf was normally a proud man who didn’t let his emotions rule him, but every man has a breaking point, and he found his. He knew deep down he had made the right decision, but at this moment, in this place that had sort of been theirs, it didn’t feel like it. John would never get over letting Aaron go, but they couldn’t continue like they were, only stealing snatches of time together. It wasn’t something that would last and both of them being stubborn men, they didn’t love enough to change for the other. Being realistic didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. The pain would always be a part of him, but he accepted the possibility when he decided it was time to let go.

 “Take care of him, always. I will always be a part of him, as he is a part of me. If we had been different men, stronger perhaps, maybe it would be different. But not in this lifetime.” John wiped his eyes but stayed where he was till the sun slipped past the horizon. A chapter of his life closed, perhaps forever. 


	44. Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Father Aaron's life turned upside down the day Dr. Spencer Reid walked into his church. The decisions he makes are the hardest he will have ever made in his life.

Aaron had just finished with the last counseling session of the day. It was his turn to walk through the church and check to make sure everything was as it should be. He looked over the candles and changed out the ones that were down to nothing. He cleared out the donation box and took the money to the office, counted it out and recorded it. The next day was Friday and the money would be deposited into the Church’s account to be spent on the charities the Church sponsored.

He dipped his fingers in the holy water and said a short prayer before moving on. Little chores that needed to be taken care of were done in a quick, quiet manner. This was one of Aaron’s favorite times of the day. It helped to settle him, especially after some of the more difficult counseling sessions, or confessional sessions. 

He was cleaning up a play area for the children when he looked over and saw a face he didn’t recognize. A young man was sitting there looking lost and unsure of himself. Aaron bided his time and knew when the right time to approach was. 

“Hello, you look like you need someone to talk to.” Aaron sat next to the man and waited patiently. He fidgeted a little on his seat, his facial expressions were trying fighting for find the right one for the situation. The man’s hands twisted a little in his lap, and he looked like he was thinking harder than he probably should.

“I don’t even really know why I’m here. I don’t really believe in God, or the Church or religion really.”

“What do you believe in?”

“Science. The human spirit. Good and evil as it pertains to our perceptions in what is truly good and what is evil. I’ve seen a lot of evil and destruction and I think to myself ‘if there really is a God, why would he let all of these bad things happen.’ I listen to families that ask me questions that I will never be able to answer and the nightmares…” The man trailed off as he looked up at the crucifixion hanging toward the front of the Church, behind the podium that Aaron stands at every Sunday, Wednesday and Friday and puts forth a lot of those questions to his parishioners.

“You believe in the existence of good and evil, yet you don’t believe that there is a God up there that can and has helped relieve suffering and pain. God gave us free will, he gave us knowledge and understanding. While I do believe that Satan works his agenda in the world, I don’t believe that the evil men do should always be attributed to him. Humans can do as they please, but there are consequences to our actions.”

“So you don’t believe in the whole, ‘the devil made me do it’?”

Aaron smiled and chuckled softly.

“That would depend on what devil you are referring to. There is a lot of misinterpretation of Satan, The Devil, Beelzebub or whatever name you want to attribute to the evil in the world.”

“You’re very philosophical, aren’t you?”

“I’ve dabbled into the realm of philosophy as it relates to my faith and chosen avenue of how I explore that faith. Have you lost faith?”

“I don’t know. Lately I’m questioning everything.” The young man was gripping his elbow and he looked like he was torn between bolting, and staying and talking.

“I have some coffee brewing in my office. Would you like to talk a little more privately?”

“I don’t have to do the confessional thing?”

Aaron laughed a genuine laugh and it echoed just a bit in the large church. He looked at the young man whose eyes sparkled with a touch of amusement. Aaron’s breath caught for just a second, then the moment past.

“No. You don’t have to use the confessional unless that was what you wanted. I have the feeling you are the type of person that likes to curl up on a comfortable chair or couch. I have both. No pressure, just thought you might like something more private. I’m Father Aaron Hotchner, by the way.”

“Dr. Spencer Reid. You can call me Spencer. I…” Spencer bit his lip and looked down at his hands. “I think I would like that, Father.”

“Please, it’s fine to call me Aaron. I only go by my title on Sunday’s and formal occasions.” Aaron stood up and moved to the side to let Spencer out of the pew. “This way,” he said as he led Spencer to his private office. Once there he let Spencer choose where it was he wanted to sit while he grabbed two cups, poured the coffees and placed one in front of Spencer. He then pulled a small box of creamer from a cleverly hidden mini fridge, and grabbed the sugar. Aaron placed both in front of Spencer, who had chose the couch. 

Aaron sat on the other end of the couch and waited a moment for Spencer to finish.

“There is something else on your mind.”

“You can tell, how?”

“I’m trained to observe people. I have a psychology degree in adult, child and family counseling. As well as my degrees in Comparative Religions, philosophy, and sociology. I’m trained to observe and help when I see a person struggling. What is it you are struggling with, Spencer?”

“That’s not far off from what I do for a living. I observe behavior, analyze it, try to extrapolate what a person is going to do next and hopefully stop them before the hurt anyone else.” Spencer sipped at his coffee as he leaned back. Aaron felt like Spencer was taking the time to gather his thoughts before he spoke. “I am struggling lately. My work is...emotionally draining sometimes. I have...urges. I’m explaining this all wrong. 

“I work for the FBI in the BAU’s Critical Response Team. The things we see, the people we catch it can sometimes take its toll. A few years ago I was kidnapped by a man suffering from DID. He drugged me, kept me drugged and at one point I died, but he brought me back. After I was rescued, which took my team almost four days to figure out the clues I had laid out for them, I was a mess. I was addicted and I kept using. I realized how far down the rabbit hole I had gone and I made myself stop, and have been clean for almost 19 months. But, lately it’s all been too much.”

Aaron listened as Spencer told him about the case that brought him into the church that night and how his meetings weren’t helping like they once had. He waited till the young man ran out of steam and appeared to deflate inside himself.

“You went to mandatory counseling?”

“I was sent by my boss.”

Aaron raised a brow and knew when someone was being evasive.

“But you didn’t do the work. You conned your way through it and went back to work like you were better.”

“It’s just my luck to get a smart Priest.” Spencer picked up his coffee to hide behind, but Aaron saw the little smirk on his face.

“I don’t think you would open up to anyone other than someone you could relate to on some level. What do you want for yourself, Spencer? Because if you want someone to talk to, I can do that. I can work around your schedule and we can do what we are doing now. An informal discussion, talking out where you are at emotionally, mentally. I can give you guidance, what you do with that guidance would be up to you.”

Spencer looked up at Aaron and something connected between the two of them. The slow smile told Aaron that the younger man would be back and he would be there to help him.

* * *

The weeks and months flew by and Spencer kept as good of a weekly appointment with Aaron as was possible. The two didn’t always stay in the church. Sometimes they went out for dinner or coffee. Sometimes they took a walk in the park on nicer days, or sat in the Church’s courtyard where Aaron had done a lot of work in the garden. Their sessions were no longer confined to a single hour, but had spun out to hours at a time. Talking, listening to music, playing chess or cards. Their talks often spun out to questions of philosophy, pop culture, books, dramas they had both seen over the years. There wasn’t anything they didn’t talk about. 

Aaron was finding it harder and harder to be objective with Spencer. He was in a dilemma, a crises actually. He had gone and done something unthinkable. He fell in love.

The end of their latest session Spencer turned to Aaron and reached out, touching his hand. 

“Aaron, what is happening between us? Because this is no longer about just counseling me.”

“No, it’s not.” Aaron felt his heart beating hard in his chest as he reached out and cupped Spencer’s cheek. The air around them electrified as the moment turned intimate, the two men close practically sharing breath. Aaron swallowed before he leaned in and took that sensual mouth he had been dreaming about, with his and kissed Spencer. The kiss deepened, tongues gently clashed and Aaron reached out and pulled Spencer onto his lap. The two men were almost desperate as the months of want came to a head. 

Aaron’s cock had started to harden and his brain was short circuiting. He struggled to get himself under control. Finally, he came back to himself and gently placed his hands on Spencer’s shoulders and pushed him away.

“We can’t do this, Spencer.” The misery at the conflicting emotions pinched something deep in Aaron’s heart. He cupped the younger man’s face in his hands. “You tempt beyond all reason, Spencer. I can’t. I can’t do this, I can’t break my vow.” Aaron frowned as he felt his eyes fill. 

Spencer placed his hands on Aaron’s face and held him. He leaned down and connected his forehead to Aaron’s.

“I’ve never wanted anyone like I do you, Aaron. I dream about us being together, of making love to you, holding you as we lay in my bed. Why, Aaron? Why can’t we have this?”

“Because if I give into temptation with you, I will have sinned. I will have broken my vow and that is the biggest sin I could ever commit.”

“I love you,” Spencer said as tears slipped down his face. “I didn’t mean to fall in love, but I did. I love you Aaron.”

“Spencer,” Aaron drawled in that gentle accent he knew Spencer had come to love. “Please, don’t. I...I think it’s better if you leave.”

“But…”

“Spencer, please,” Aaron sounded desperate and Spencer knew this was hurting him. He stood up from Aaron’s lap, grabbed his bag and left.

Aaron waited till he knew Spencer was gone, then stumbled out of his office and fell to his knees in front of the cross.

“Why? Why would you put someone in my path that I could love? Was this a test? Was this somehow forcing me to show my faith and devotion to you? Why God?” Aaron doubled over as he purged the emotions that had been warring inside him. He didn’t know how long he had stayed there praying, seeking his own guidance when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Aaron? Have you been here all night?” Father Donovan, Aaron’s partner, friend, and fellow priest looked him over concern shown in his eyes.

“I’ve been a fool, James.”

“No, Aaron. You’ve been human. You have a choice to make, and I know whatever you choose, it won’t be easy. You know I’m here. I think you need to talk this through, then I think you need time to figure out what it is you really want.”

Aaron nodded then looked up once more at the cross, his heart and soul in confusion. He knew what he had to do, and it was breaking his heart.

* * *

“Father Donovan? Where is Father Aaron? We were supposed to have a session today.” 

The Priest that was walking around and checking the pews, doing the things that Father Hotchner did was making Spencer afraid. 

“Spencer. Aaron said you would be by today and he told me to give you this.” The sympathy on Father Donovan’s face was making Spencer very nervous as was the envelope in the Priest's hand. Spencer took it, his hand shaking as he looked down at it. “He also told me to stay around in case you needed someone.”

“Thank you,” Spencer’s voice was almost a whisper as he looked at the letter in his hand. Fingers gently traced the elegant sprawling script as he slid onto the hard seat of the pew. With shaking hands he opened up the envelope and pulled out the letter.

_ Spencer _

Reid laughed bitterly to himself as he heard Aaron’s gentle accent saying Spensah in his head. 

_ I know what a letter means to you and I know I should probably do this in person, but I can admit that I am a bit of a coward. If I had waited till you came in for our appointment, I knew you had the power to talk me out of leaving. I’m sorry Spencer, I truly am, but I have to leave. You see I love my work. I love being in the Priesthood, I love the counseling work I do. It’s not just what I do, but its who I am as a person, and I’m sure you can understand that. You are an incredible, wonderful, beautiful person and you, Dr. Spencer Reid have the power to destroy me.  _

_ You see, I am a celibate gay man. I knew this a long time ago when I entered Seminary School. I only ever acted on my feelings and urges once before I left for school. I wanted to have that experience before I left it all behind. I was lucky in that it was someone I cared for, and they cared for me. After that short affair, I knew I could enter into my chosen vocation with no regrets. And while I felt and do feel attraction, I just smile and let it pass. Its part of me and I accept and acknowledge it, but choose not to act on it. I was doing well. Twenty years and I could stave off temptation, even the self-love kind.  _

_ Then, one day a desperate man came into my Church seeking guidance. I acknowledged he was not only attractive, he was beautiful, and not just on the outside, but deep down to his very soul. He spoke to me, not just with words, which he was skilfull at, but his inner light spoke to me as well. Our sessions he wove a spell of words and emotions that sank their hooks in me more and more and I almost did something that would have undone my very being.  _

_ That was you, Spencer. You wove a spell of words and hands, of emotions and gentleness, of beauty and trust. I kissed you. I kissed you and it woke up things in me I had long thought conquered. I could have resigned, gone back to the world with you. I thought of the nights we could share where I held you close, made love to you with the night shining down upon us. I could let you wrap yourself around me and hold me in your arms. I thought about it, God, Spencer I dreamed about it and started to long for something I had never had before.  _

_ Then, I woke up. I walked my Church and felt the pain of leaving, of putting all that I am behind me for you. I would have given up my life, my vocation, the thing that makes me who I am and I knew, I knew Spencer that if I left and made my life around you I would have come to resent it. I would have come to resent you and I never, ever wanted to do that.  _

_ I love God. I love serving God and helping people as my service to God. I know the Church isn’t perfect, that it’s flawed and has made horrendous decisions, but I don’t serve the Church. It is only the venue by which I serve my God.  _

_ I also love you. God help me, I love you Spencer Reid. I never thought someone would come into my life and turn me upside down like you have. I love you and that’s what makes this so hard. I would have left it all to try with you, Spencer, but I didn’t want to end up hating you.  _

_ I know you love me, Spencer. I could see it in your eyes, and I felt it in that kiss. I did not want to ruin that light, that beauty that you have deep inside of you and I am realistic enough to know that is exactly what would happen. I would have made a choice that could have destroyed us both. So, I’m making the choice that will save us both. I know you won’t see it that way, not now, maybe not ever, but know you are the one that I would have come back to the world for. _

_ God help me, I love you Dr. Spencer Matthew Reid with all of my heart and soul and leaving is killing me, but staying, staying would have been worse. Please, Spencer, don’t look for me, don’t ask about me, let me go as I have to let you go. Know that I regret nothing and would go through this pain all over again just to say that I got to know you.  _

_ You will always have my heart. _

_ Aaron. _

Spencer sat there on the bench reading the letter over and over as tears fell from his eyes. He wanted to be angry at Aaron, but he couldn’t. He knew who the man was from the beginning, and never expected to fall in love, let alone Aaron falling in love with him. The pain was deep and Spencer wasn’t sure if he would ever get over losing someone he had given his heart to, fully and completely.

“Son, is there someone I can call for you?”

Spencer looked up into the compassionate face of Father Donovan and felt a fresh wave of tears fall as he gripped the letter tight.

“Um...JJ.” Spencer handed Father Donovan his phone as his hand shook. The priest took it and looked in it for a moment, but Spencer wasn’t paying any attention. He was handed back his phone after a few moments, the priest gently held his hand a moment then sat down next to him. Father Donovan’s quiet strength helped Spencer as he thought about what it was he had lost.

“Aaron was very conflicted about what to do. I had never seen him like that before.”

Spencer looked up and to the side where Father Donovan was and furrowed his brow.

“Like what?”

Father Donovan looked down at his linked hands, then turned to Spencer, sympathy and compassion shone out of his eyes.

“Torn. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. He prayed for days for guidance. He fell in love with you, Spencer. I don’t condemn him for his choices. I believe we have interpreted ancient texts that were written during a time of hedonism and mental illnesses. Rome was not exactly a pious city. God loves us all, as long as we aren’t out to intentionally hurt anyone. Aaron loves what he does. Few in the service of God are as selfless and compassionate as he is. It is no wonder the two of you fell so hard for each other.”

Spencer wiped his eyes as fresh tears fell. 

“We could have been happy together.”

Father Donovan once again gave him a sad smile. 

“Yes. I’m sure you could have, for a time. Then resentments would have set in. Aaron would once again be torn by his decisions and I believe he would have been driven back to the Church. He does love you Spencer. But, when I found him on his knees, grieving and begging for help from God I knew he had to make a decision. He has gone into silent seclusion. He has asked for reassignment afterwards and I’ve told him not to tell me where.”

“Why?” Spencer stood up and glared down at the priest. 

“Because I would be tempted to tell you.”

Spencer took a shaky breath as he wrapped arms around his middle. Father Donovan stood and gently gripped Spencer’s shoulder.

“I know, Son but please understand this is for the best.”

The heavy front doors opened and both men turned when the clack of heels sounded on the wood floors of the Church. Spencer looked almost relieved when JJ came up to him and pulled him into her arms. It was the catalyst that opened the floodgates as he grieved in her arms.

“Oh, Spence. I’m sorry.” JJ looked up at Father Donovan and mouthed ‘thank you’ to him. Then the two were left alone.

“I love him JJ. I didn’t mean to love him. What do I do?”

“Right now, I take you home with me, let you lay down on the couch with some hot tea and blankets and let Henry hug and cuddle you. Let me take care of you and together, we’ll figure it out.”

“Okay.” Spencer pulled out of JJ’s arms and let her take his hand and lead him out to her car. Spencer vowed he was never going to love someone like he did Aaron. He may take lovers here and there, but after today, he knew he would never give his heart away again.

* * *

Aaron stood at the small window in his room looking out and wondering where he wanted to go next. He had taken a vow of silence till he could make some decisions for himself. He still loved Spencer with everything he had, but he loved God and his vocation more. It still tore him up inside leaving the younger man behind.

“Aaron, Father Michaels would like to speak with you.” Aaron took a deep breath before he turned and walked out with the priest who had to come to fetch him. They walked to the Bishop’s office where he waited just outside. A moment later, he was asked to go inside.

“Aaron, please come sit. I know you have taken a vow of silence, but I wanted to talk to you about a position that just became available. It’s got all of the parameters you asked for. A smaller Church, in a less metropolitan area, with opportunity to counsel. I know you are a licensed psychologist and that is a plus for this. If you speak with me, you won’t be breaking your vow. I need you to look at the position and see if you are interested.”

Father Michaels handed over a piece of paper outlining the position in detail. It was a small church, and had everything he was looking for. 

“The rectory is new and a lot more modern. The space is comparable to a two bedroom apartment. I think you will like it.”

Aaron looked at the photos that were included in the packet and indeed was impressed by the place. He wanted the position. 

“I accept.”

Father Michaels leaned forward and clasped his hands together.

“I’m worried about you, Aaron. You haven’t told me why you wanted seclusion, and whatever brought you here is still weighing heavy on your heart.”

“If I tell you, would you report me for breaking vows?”

“Aaron, you and I have been friends for a long time. Ever before either of us entered the priesthood. We share secrets that could get us both excommunicated, but we’ve also repented our sins. Now tell me, what is going on.”

Aaron frowned as he set the packet of papers on the desk and wiped his face.

“William, I fell in love with someone. Someone I had no right to.”

“A man?”

Aaron frowned and felt the moisture prick at his eyes as he tried to tamp down on the emotions.

“Yes.”

“Did you act on these feelings?”

“I kissed him. It didn’t go further than that. I...I knew I needed to leave, it was what was best for both of us. But, William?”

“Yes, Aaron?”

“It still tears me apart. I love him down to my very soul, and yet I love God. I love serving and being part of something bigger than myself. If I were a different man, I would have left and had a life with him, been happy for the rest of my own life with him.” Aaron choked on the emotions that were churned.

“I won’t tell you that God only gives us what we can handle. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason why the human heart does what it does. I hope you aren’t just running away.”

“William, if I stay in DC, I know I will give into temptation, and if I do that, I will be lost.” 

Father Michaels stood and came around to sit in the chair opposite Aaron. He took his friends hand and held it.

“I will support you, Aaron. However you need me too. I anticipated that you would want the position and have already gotten permission from the diocese. It’s yours whenever you want it. I won’t lie and say it will be easy to let this go, because it won’t. Love is sometimes a bitch.” Father Michaels smiled and Aaron couldn’t help laughing himself. If the public only knew how some priests secretly swore, they would be shocked.

It wasn’t long before he was packed up and moving to his new place. He liked the rectory very much and made plans to turn the second bedroom into a library. There was a second apartment above him that was laid out exactly the same for a second priest if his duties became too much for him to handle. 

Settling down that night at his makeshift desk he pulled out a new journal and opened up to the first page. He smiled to himself and knew what he was going to do. He was going to write as if he was writing to Spencer, telling him all about his days. He knew the younger man would probably never see it, but it helped Aaron to work through his emotions and to heal.

Picking up his pen, Aaron started to write.

_ Dear Spencer, _

_ Today I moved into my new appointment. I’m hopeful, the area is beautiful and the people I’ve met so far have been welcoming, maybe this is what I’ve been looking for all along…… _

* * *

_ Twenty-five years later _

Spencer was sitting in his chair in the house he had bought years before after he adopted the two children that had stolen his heart. Currently his daughter was over with her kids and Spencer was playing the role of goofy grandpa putting smiles on their faces and making them laugh. He had left the Bureau and went back into Academia when the cases just finally got to him. He wanted out before he ended up burnt out like Gideon had been. 

Liam and Clarissa had been the light of his life, along with his godchildren Henry and Michael. They all still shared their lives with each other, with Morgan visiting with his boys from time to time. Overall, Spencer could say that he had a good life, but even JJ knew that underlying the happy times was a broken heart that had never completely healed. He still loved Aaron, even after all this time.

A knock on the door had Spencer grabbing for his cane, an old knee injury from his time at the Bureau. He stood up and went to answer the door. 

“Hello, how can I help you?” Spencer asked the young man standing on his porch.

“Oh, um hi. My ah, my name is Jack Hotchner. My father asked me to come see you and bring you these. It’s a set of journals he wrote that he wanted you to have.” Spencer’s heart stopped in his chest as he looked at the box in the young man’s hands. 

“Why don’t you come in.” Spencer held the door open for Jack who took a few tentative steps inside. “I”m sorry, I have a hard time getting around these days, if you follow me I can show you where you can put them.” Spencer knew they were from Aaron. Hotchner wasn’t that common of a name, and it was the only Hotchner he knew. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions as he took Jack to his library-office. Once they were inside, Spencer closed the door behind Jack.

“I’m sorry, I just have to ask, how are you Aaron’s son?”

Jack laughed and Spencer could swear that the smile was exactly like Aaron’s.

“Dad was still a priest and he never broke his vows. He adopted me, my brother, and two sisters. He was an amazing Dad, but he was always writing in these journals and one day I asked him about them. He got such a sad look on his face and sat down with me and told me the story of how you two met and how he fell in love with you. Dr. Reid, my Dad never stopped loving you. There’s a letter included with the journals.”

“Jack, what happened?”

“I’m sorry, Dr. Reid. Dad passed away a week ago. He went peacefully, natural causes.  He wanted me to find you and give you his journals.”

Spencer sank down onto the office chair as a pain like no other ripped right through him. He was staring at the box, tears threatened to fall. He had been okay for so long knowing that Aaron was still out there in the world. But now, now he was devastated to know the man he still loved was gone.

“I’m sorry. He had wanted me to tell you that he never regretted any of the time he spent with you and if he had to do it over again, he said he wouldn’t change anything. He loved you till the end, Dr. Reid.” 

Spencer took a few deep breaths to get the pain of loss under control. He would properly grieve when he was alone. 

“Thank you, Jack for bringing me these. Please...did he have a good life? Did he smile more?”

Jack smiled wide and tapped the box.

“There is a disc of photos he wanted you to have. I’m sorry, I can’t stay long. My wife is waiting for me. I…”

“Yes?”

“I want to come back, when I don’t have so much to get done, and talk to you. I want to know about the two of you more, if...I’m sorry that’s really intrusive. I’ll be going.”

“NO, wait. I would like that. Please, here, take my number and call me. I would like to talk to you too.”

“Alright. When I get back form vacation I’ll call.”

Spencer stood and saw the young man out. Ignoring the questioning looks from his daughter, Spencer went back to his study and pulled out the first journal. It was the most recent, so Spencer pulled them all out and sorted them from first to last. He opened the first one.

_ Dear Spencer, _

_ I took a position at a small Church in Montpelier, VT. It was everything I had hoped it would be. The rectory is newer, has two bedrooms, a nice kitchen and living room. I’m going to turn one of the bedrooms into a library, and I promise I will fill it with things I enjoy, as well as research. I wish you could be here with me….. _

Spencer’s heart clenched at the words on the page, he felt the want Aaron had for him, but he stayed fast to his vows. 

 

_ Dear Spencer, _

_ I saw your book in the bookstore today. I’m proud of you Spencer. I knew you could do it. It was a wonderful story, I look forward to more form you….. _

 

_ Dear Spencer, _

_ The most wonderful thing has happened to me and today more than any other day I wish I could share it with you. The Diocese accepted my petition for adoption. I couldn’t just let the state take the children, they were going to separate them and that was unacceptable. I just became the parent of four beautiful kids. Jack is the oldest, with David next and twin girls, Amelia and Aria. I know it won’t be easy, but with the renovations to the rectory, I believe I can make a good home for them….. _

 

On and on, Spencer read about Aaron’s life, the things he did for his church, the counseling others, adopting the children and some of the hardships in getting them adopted, how having a trust fund helped him. He sympathized with him being a single parent, laughed and cried at the things he wrote.

Spencer read through everything then set the journals aside. He went to his room, wanting to be alone. Laying down, he let all the words he had absorbed and grieved. He grieved for the life that he and Aaron could have had together, but knowing that if he had talked Aaron into staying, the man would have always doubted himself and his decision to stay. Spencer grieved for the loss of potential, he grieved for  _ Aaron.  _ He knew from this day till the day he left this earth, he was never going to be the same again.


	45. Mistaken by DarkJediQueen

# Chapter 45-Mistaken

Aaron looked at his watch. Spencer was later this week than he usually was. Aaron looked at the tumbler of bourbon that he had poured to drink after Spencer left. Aaron had to give Spencer this; he lasted a fucking less amount of time than Haley a had before he cheated. Aaron had already packed all of Spencer's clothes and the things that could be taken quickly; those were waiting in the living. Spencer always came in the kitchen on the nights he was with whoever he was fucking around with.

Four years of happiness down the drain and Aaron didn't know what to do other than to just make Spencer leave because Aaron had let Haley sleep around on him to try and keep the marriage together but with this, there was nothing. Aaron's name was on all of the bills, and it wouldn't be hard for Spencer to find a new place to live. The younger man was good at landing on his feet. He could probably talk whoever he was having the affair with to take him in until he got a place.

Aaron had bought the house with the idea that Spencer would move in with him and Jack. The attic office that doubled that as a library had been the main reason Aaron had picked it. Aaron would move everything out and make it a room for Jack. A room for him to play in and do things that Aaron didn't want to think about as his teenage years came on him.

The headlights told Aaron that Spencer had pulled in. The whole of the kitchen was dark, and Aaron wondered if Spencer was going to turn on the light or if Aaron was going to have to reach out and do it.

Aaron didn't know what to expect from Spencer when he finally came in. Would he have lipstick smeared on his face or would he have the scent of semen all over him? Spencer always showered in the first-floor shower. It was what had clued Aaron into the fact that there was something wrong. Spencer going to bed wet too many times and then Aaron realized it was the same night every single week that they were home at that time.

The door opened, and Aaron waited with baited breath. He watched as the light from the porch lit up the room a little before Spencer shut the door. Spencer took a few steps toward the doorway that led to the bathroom. Aaron raised his hand and turned on the light as the smell of cigarettes assaulted his nose. Not only was Spencer cheating on him, but he was actually fucking someone who smoked like a train for him to smell like that.

"Aaron?" Spencer asked and he looked like the deer that was caught in the headlights. "What are you doing up?"

"I woke up alone, again."

"I can explain."

"You don't need to. I won't allow you to do that to me again. I won't allow it. Your things are in the living room. I packed up clothes and the things that are important to you. I'll pack up the rest and have it in the garage for you to pick up. I'd like your keys please."

That took the wind out of Spencer's sails. He raised his hand with his keys and looked down at them before tossing the whole thing at Aaron. They skidded on the table. There was such anger on Spencer's face that Aaron was for a few seconds so utterly piss]sed as well, but anger wouldn't serve, so he forced it away. Spencer could get upset, but Spencer had been the one to wrong Aaron and Aaron standing up for himself was not bad.

"I'll come get all of my things later. If this is what ended this relationship, I don't think I want to keep the car you bought me either." Spencer turned and was out the door before Aaron could even take a deep breath. Aaron grabbed the tumbler and down the two fingers of bourbon. It burned on the way down. Aaron heard the garage door shut and closed his eyes.

Now Aaron just had to deal with the fallout of Spencer not living with them anymore with Jack.

XxXxXxX

Spencer felt better than he had in awhile. Getting Jack and Aaron back out of WitSec had been the best thing in the world, but Spencer was still having problems after dealing with the way that they had left and just dropped back into his life. Spencer was having problems dealing with Jack who had only been away from him for nine months, but he was vastly changed being ripped away from his life. He was having problems dealing with an Aaron who wanted everything to go back to the way it was before Peter Lewis had dropped into their lives that he didn't want to talk about things with Spencer that Spencer needed to talk about.

Instead, of forcing Aaron to speak, Spencer found an NA group close to the new house and thankfully there was that met at eleven at night. Spencer could deal with a night of less sleep because inevitably he slept better that night than he did the rest of the nights of the week.

When Jack and Aaron had been gone, Spencer had a reason to keep going. He had something to focus on, and so he didn't give in. Now that Aaron and Jack were back and all of them were changed and fighting showing each other the changes, Spencer craved. He craved worse than he had after Maeve's death, worse than after he had got free of Hankel. Spencer craved, and he needed help and Aaron was not ready to help him, so he found others to help him.

Spencer pulled into the garage and shut the door as he turned off his headlights. Spencer inhaled and exhaled twice before getting out of the car. The stink of cigarettes was something that he was looking forward to getting off of himself. The meetings happened in a church, and no one monitored that they didn't smoke, so everyone but him smoked to cope with cravings. Spencer wanted to slip into bed with Aaron and just forget about everything but having him back in Spencer's arms.

Fifteen minutes after he opened Spencer would be in Aaron's arms. Spencer had got cleaning himself off down to a science. The worst part was his hair, so he bought shampoo that got rid of it, but it was harsh on his hair, so he used a conditioner that had to stay in his hair for five minutes to make sure that it wasn't too damaged. Spencer unlocked the door with little care. Aaron would be in bed, so he didn't need to be that quiet.

Spencer took three steps inside after shutting the door and locking it when the light came on. He turned to see Aaron sitting at the table in the kitchen with a glass of something sitting in front of him. Aaron hadn't drunk since they had come home.

"Aaron?" Spencer tried not to sound scared because Aaron looked like he wanted to scare Spencer and he was doing it. "What are you doing up?"

"I woke up alone, again." Aaron's tone sounded dead, and Spencer closed his eyes.

"I can explain." Spencer opened his eyes to look at Aaron he almost took a step towards his lover, but the look on Aaron's face stopped him.

"You don't need to. I won't allow you to do that to me again. I won't allow it. Your things are in the living room. I packed up clothes and the things that are important to you. I'll pack up the rest and have it in the garage for you to pick up. I'd like your keys please."

That took the wind out of Spencer's sails. Spencer felt his heart shatter. Aaron didn't care that he was trying without forcing Aaron to talk to him. Spencer got pissed because he was doing this for them. He was trying to stop himself from doing something that could kill their relationship, but Aaron was killing it without even listening to why Spencer was going to meetings. Aaron thought that he was getting drugs and not that he was getting help. It was the only thing that it could be because he couldn't see Aaron kicking him out for anything less. He wasn't even going to get confirmation, that was fine. Aaron wanted him gone. He would go. Spencer raised his hand with his keys in it and looked at it before tossing it at Aaron on the table.

"I'll come get all of my things later. If this is what ended this relationship, I don't think I want to keep the car you bought me either." Spencer spun on his heel and unlocked the door and went out. He made sure to turn the inside lock before pulling it shut. He didn't want something to happen to Jack. Spencer went out the garage door because he didn't have a way to shut the automatic door. He could at least lock the other door before pulling it shut.

Spencer turned toward where he knew there was a bus running at that time of night. He passed by house after house, and as he did, his heart broke into pieces with each step. By the time that he reached the park, Spencer couldn't go any farther. He wanted to curl up and die right there. Spencer reached into his pocket and called the only number that he knew would come for him.

"Pretty Boy?" Morgan asked, his voice rough with sleep.

"I'm at the park by Hotch's house. Can you come and get me? Can I stay with you?"

Spencer heard Morgan start to say something several times but stopped and finally said "Yes."

"Thanks."

Spencer looked at his hands as he sat there on the sidewalk. He wanted to call a cab and have the cabbie take him to the closest place where he knew that he could score. His sobriety was only needed in a future where he had a future. Spencer never could find anything that he could keep to stay happy. He had lost Maeve, and now he had lost Aaron. Spencer lost track of time as he sat there and stared at his phone with the webpage for a local cab company loaded. He would just have to click it.

Headlights washed over him, and Spencer looked up to see not only Morgan but Savannah. Savannah made it to him first, and after he was enveloped in her arms, Spencer lost it. He stopped holding onto his strength. He wrapped his arms around her and didn't care.


	46. A Father's Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron just can't let go of his father's cruel legacy and it ruins his chance at lasting happiness.

“What happened?” Spencer asked after he rushed into the ER. Seeing Will he ran right to the man.

“All I know was I was called out to a bar to help break up a fight and get down to what happened. The regular cops were takin’ care of it till they saw him layin’ in the corner. We immediately called for the ambulance.”

Will hesitated a moment.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“He was in bad shape, Spencer. Barely a pulse.”

Spencer sank into a seat and laid his head in his hands.

“I thought you two had a date?”

Spencer took a deep breath as he looked down at the floor.

“We did. It was great, Jack was with Jess for the weekend, we went back to his place...” Spencer drifted off, looking towards the emergency doors.

“Spencer?”

“We had sex, fell asleep, then...I don’t know what happened, but he freaked out. Told me to go home. I tried to talk to him, but he looked...ashamed.” Spencer crossed his arms and rocked forward a little to try to control his emotions. “Where is he now?”

“They got him into surgery. He had glass embedded in his face and arms. I don’t know what else, they wouldn’t tell me.”

Spencer stood and paced, not knowing what to do. He watched for the next couple of hours people coming in and out, other emergencies coming in, other patients waiting to be seen. The waiting was always the hardest. Will tried to keep him calm. They didn’t want to call the rest of the team yet, they wanted to wait to hear what was going on before they did.

Spencer was about to sit down again, that was until a man burst into the ER that had Spencer stopping and staring. 

“Will?” Spencer said to his friend who had moved up to Spencer;’s side.

“I swear, Spencer. That was Hotch. He had his credentials and everything.”

“Then who the fuck is that?”

* * *

Allan’s heart was pounding in his chest. He was already driving down from New York to see Aaron and Jack when he got the call. Pushing his car to the limit he raced as fast as he could, hoping he wasn’t going to be stopped by the police. 

Thankfully he wasn’t. He pulled into the hospital, parking at the ER he ran inside.

“I got a call that my brother was brought in earlier this evening?” Allan’s fingers tapped out a guitar refrain nervously as he waited for the nurse.

“What is your brother’s name, Sir?”

“Hotchner. Aaron Hotchner. Please...I need to know what’s going on.”

The nurse looked up the information while Allan attempted to have some patience.

“Alright, yes I see he was taken into surgery a little over four hours ago. I will let the team know that a family member is here.”

Allan paced and waited, he ignored the others around him, only wanting to know what the hell was going on with his brother..

“Mr. Hotchner?” A woman called out from the doorway to the ER.

“Yes, that’s me.”

Allan ignored the inhale of breath he heard from behind him. He figured it was someone waiting for a loved one.

“Please, come with me.” Allan immediately followed the woman.

“My name is Dr. Amanda Reyes. I am the emergency surgeon who worked on your brother. He is in recovery at the moment, but please I want you to be prepared for what you are going to see.”

Allan swallowed and nodded.

“He came in with glass embedded in his face and arms. We quickly removed the pieces and stitched up the worst areas. He has a broken jaw, but he was lucky that there is no discernable fracture. I’ll want him to see his doctor after the swelling goes down and his jaw has some time to begin to heal. 

“There was internal bleeding, which we stopped, most of his injuries are bruising on the lungs from fractured ribs. He will need to wear a rib support for a couple of weeks. The worst is his leg. He has three fractures and two breaks. His leg will need to be immobilized and the breaks to heal first. We’ve set his leg as best we can. In the next couple of days he will have to be seen by an orthopedic surgeon to further assess what needs to be done.

“The other worry is the adhesions in his stomach that tore. He had a massive amount of scar tissue that we had to clean up, which was where a lot of the internal bleeding was coming from. Mr. Hotchner, your brother had a rather high alcohol content and we had to deal with that first before we could do anything else. He’s stable for now, but I’ll be honest, it was touch and go for a bit.”

Allan was led into the recovery area where he could sit down and spend some time. 

“Oh, Aaron. What happened to you?”

* * *

Spencer was relieved when the Doctor came out to speak with him and Will. After they knew what was happening, Spencer called the team. He wondered if this was his partially his fault. 

The team rushed in a few minutes after getting the call. Spencer told them what the doctor told him. 

“Why did Aaron get in a bar fight?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything.” Spencer closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his waist. The last to arrive was Jessica with Jack. 

“Spencer?” Jessica ran up to him and he told her what he had relayed to the others.

“Oh, there was a man. I swear he looked just like Aaron. Actually, not just like, it was uncanny.”

“You mean Uncle Allan?” Jack looked around trying to see if the man could be seen.

“I’m sorry, what?”  Spencer was puzzled. All anyone knew about Aaron’s family was Sean, and that his father had died when Aaron was a teenager. 

“Daddy has a twin brother. He’s really cool. He plays guitar all over the world. He was ‘sposed to come see us.”

Jessica smiled as she ruffled Jack’s hair. 

“It’s true. Allan is Aaron’s twin brother. He travels quite a bit, but he and Aaron are close. Aaron was going to tell you guys about him, but...” Jessica trailed off, but everyone knew what she was alluding to. “I take it you’re date didn’t go well?”

The team all looked at Spencer at the same time. 

“No. Actually it went well. I...I don’t know what happened.” 

Will could tell that Spencer didn’t want to talk about what happened between him and Aaron. He would let his friend keep his secrets. He wished he knew how to make Spencer feel better.

“When Aaron wakes, hopefully we’ll get some answers.” Dave looked pointedly at Spencer. He indicated with his head that he wanted to talk to Spencer, away from prying ears.

* * *

Allan felt fingers curl around his which made him wake up form the light sleep he had been in.

“Allan?” Aaron croaked out as he turned his head and winced.

“Don’t talk yet, Aaron. Let me get the Doctor.” Allan stood and pulled open the curtain seeking out a nurse. He told her that Aaron was awake. 

A bucket of ice chips was there and Allan grabbed the cup, tearing away the plastic overwrap off, Allan scooped some of the chips in the cup. Aaron took the cup and thankfully didn’t try to argue. 

The Doctor came over and told Aaron in more detail what he had told Allan. The Doctor was going to get a room ready now that Aaron was awake and cognizant. After he left Allan sat back down and glared at Aaron.

“What happened?”

Aaron turned to look away from his brother.

“Oh no, you are so not going to hide. Aaron, you almost fucking died. Please, talk to me.” Allan couldn’t help choking on the emotion that had welled up inside him. 

“Reid and I went on a date.”

“Finally?” Allan tried to joke a little but when Aaron turned to him all he saw was misery in his eyes. “Come on, it’s me.”

“We...” Tears formed in Aaron’s eyes and Allan started to understand. 

“You had sex.”

Aaron looked down and not at his brother.

“And you freaked out, didn’t you?”

When Allan saw the damn break in his brother he had a pretty clear picture of what happened.

“You got drunk and started a fight, didn’t you?”

Aaron was shaking as he looked up at his brother. 

“Yes.”

Allan shoved out of his chair and paced. He wiped a hand over his face trying to control his anger, but it wasn’t at Aaron. Oh no, his anger went much, much deeper.

“I swear to fucking god I wish I could resurrect the bastard and kill him myself. Aaron, you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I slept with him, Allan. I...I...” Aaron started shaking and Allan took his hands and held them tight. 

“There is  _ nothing _ wrong with that. I know how much you care about that young man. Aaron, there is nothing wrong with who you love.”

Aaron turned his head and closed off.

“I don’t love him.” Aaron bit out not looking at Allan.

“I think you do and I think you’re trying to convince yourself that you don’t. You forget that I know you as well as I know myself.”

“ _ I don’t love him.”  _ Aaron growled at Allan, unfortunately that was the moment Spencer was led back to see Aaron.

“Then what was all this? This dancing around we’ve been doing? Dinner, movies at your place, just spending time together? What were we doing?”

“I...” Aaron looked away from Spencer, “Can’t. Please, Spencer.”

“Fine. When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here.” Spencer stood there and Aaron ignored him. He only turned back to look when he heard Spencer walking away. 

“Aaron, that young man cares about you. Why are you letting our asshole of a father still rule your mind? I know how you feel about him.”

“Please, Allan don’t push this.” Aaron tried to glare at his brother, but it was difficult with a swollen eye.

Allan nodded and knew when Aaron dug in, he wasn’t going to talk to anyone. He learned that lesson too well at the hands of their father. 

“I’ll let the doctor see you, then let you sleep.” Allan squeezed Aaron’s hand and left. He needed something to eat and some coffee. Plus he knew Aaron’s team was out there and had questions. When he had come into the emergency room he had one thing on his mind and that was to get to his brother.

Allan’s heart was breaking for his twin. The other half of his own soul. Even miles away as they had been these past years, they were still close. This hurt Allan as much as it did Aaron, he just wasn’t sure if he could get his brother through this crisis. 

After watching Aaron for a moment, Allan left him and every step away was a small dagger in his heart. He wanted to stay, to be there, but there were others that had questions and only he had the answers.

Before he made his way back to the waiting room, Allan ducked into an alcove that had a sign that was okay to use cell phones. He ducked in and called Sean. Their brother should know what was going on. He wasn’t going to call their mother yet, not till Aaron was more stable.

Sean at least sounded devastated, but he also sounded high. Allan had always felt in the middle of his brothers. Aaron protected Sean too much while trying to get him to grow up and take responsibilities. He never let Sean see the bad side of their father, which Allan always thought was the wrong thing to do. Now, Sean was going to have to face some hard truths, whether he wanted to or not.

Hanging up, Allan went out to meet the people that had become such a family to Aaron.

* * *

Walking through the door to the waiting room, Allan saw even more people gathered. He didn’t know if everyone was there for Aaron or not. When his eyes landed on Jessica, Allan breathed a sigh of relief. Then Jack was running to him.

“Uncle!” Jack yelled. Allan crouched down and picked up the boy in his arms before he started introductions.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“Is my daddy okay?”

Allan wasn’t sure how to answer that question. The fact that Aaron had done what he did, knowing he could end up dying, and hurting Jack even more went to Aaron’s state of mind at the time. 

“He’ll be physically okay, kiddo. But, you’re daddy is having trouble here.” Allan laid a hand on Jack’s heart. “His heart is hurting.”

“But you can fix it?” Jack’s eyes were so big that it broke Allan’s own heart. How do you explain to a six year old what is going on.

“I don’t know Jack-Jack. He’s in a lot of pain right now.”

Jack’s mouth turned down and he laid his head on Allan’s shoulder. Everyone was silent as they tried not to watch the two of them.

“I know you guys have a lot of questions, but I don’t want to talk here. I’ve been on the road for a few hours and haven’t had anything to eat and I desperately need coffee. Is there a late night place around here where we can all sit and I’ll answer as many questions as I can. Oh, I ah, I’m Allan Hotchner, by-the-way.”

“I know a place. There’s a diner near the base that is open late and not many people will be there this late.” The one Allan assumed was Morgan said.

“I can take you, Allan. I don’t think Jack is going to want to be far from you.” Jessica laid a hand on his arm and everyone piled out of the hospital and into various cars. Allan would come back for his later. He got Jack in his carseat and they started off. Looking back, Allan hated leaving, but he knew Aaron wasn’t going anywhere.

* * *

Aaron was in pain from head to foot, but he refused any painkillers. He knew he was punishing himself. Aaron also knew intellectually that there was nothing wrong with what he and Spencer had done. But, emotionally and mentally he couldn’t get past the awful voice of his father. Sighing he stared up at the ceiling enduring what he had brought on himself. 

The next few days people were in an out, trying to get him to talk, to open up, but he wouldn’t. The bar agreed not to press charges on the condition that Aaron paid some kind of restitution, which Aaron agreed to. He had an emergency fund that would help for some of the repairs. 

Will took his statement, he confessed to everything and knew that he put his career in jeopardy. Cruz was going to give him some time, but Aaron knew it was time. He needed to leave for more than one reason. The orthopedic surgeon that consulted with him told him his leg would heal, he would need pins for the bones to heal back together. But, he would most likely always need a cane, which grounded him for field work. 

Allan stayed around helping him to get back on his feet. He never asked about what Allan told the team, but he assumed it was just enough for them to understand. Even Sean had come to help and was confronted with some truths about the father that he had practically worshiped. Seeing his brother in pain and knowing their father was partly to blame made Sean sober up and be there when it truly counted.

Spencer had tried several times to see him, but Aaron couldn’t. He couldn’t face the embarrassment and shame he felt. He made sure that Jack could see Spencer, though, only it was when he was at physical therapy or a doctors appointment. 

Finally, Aaron couldn’t put it off any longer, he went into the office to hand in his resignation. 

“Are you sure, Aaron? I know I could find you something.”

“No, Mateo. I need a clean break. I can’t be a field agent anymore, and...” Aaron looked to the side and stopped himself. It hurt too much to think about things that in his mind he could never have. 

“Aaron, please think about this.”

“I have, Matt. This was a hard decision, but it’s what I want.”

“Alright. I have the retirement package still, we’ve beefed it up. It’s very generous.”

Aaron had an idea how generous, and signed the papers without really looking at them. He handed over his gun, but kept the badge till he was through with packing up his office. The team was out on a case, so this was the perfect time to get everything packed up. Allan and Will were going to stop buy and help him get all of his things out. 

It took only a couple of hours for Aaron to pack up almost twenty years of his life. Aaron didn’t hear or notice the others coming back till a knock sounded on his door. Turning he looked to see Spencer standing there, devastation on every line in his body.

Slowly, Spencer closed the door, then walked to the window and shut the blinds. Turning there was such pain on his face, Aaron almost broke. 

“You’re leaving and you weren’t going to say anything. You’ve been avoiding me for weeks. You know, after Allan told us a little of what was going on with you, I assumed you would at least talk to someone, but just like always, you shut down and don’t deal with the hard things.”

Aaron leaned on his cane and turned to look fully at Spencer. 

“Don’t do this, Reid. Please. This isn’t about you...”

“Isn’t it? We had been building something special, something real and you’re just going to run and hide because its too hard. Because it makes you deal with stuff you never wanted to deal with.

“You’re lying to yourself, you know.”

Aaron stood there, not defending himself. He would give Spencer this, would give him the chance to cut him right to the bone because Aaron  _ deserved  _ it. He had done the unthinkable and fallen for  _ a man. _

“You aren’t going to say anything? Not going to defend yourself? You’re just going to walk out of here and give me nothing?”

Aaron felt the moisture in his eyes as he watched Spencer getting closer. 

“I can’t, Spencer. I can’t! You need someone who is going to treat you special.”

“You! You did that, Aaron.”

Aaron shook his head as he let the tears slip down. 

“Please, just go, Spencer. I won’t ever keep you from Jack. He loves you too much, but we...” Aaron didn’t get anything else out as Spencer rushed forward and kissed him with a hard, possessive, aching need. It just broke Aaron that much more. 

“Think about that, Aaron. But also know I won’t wait forever.” Spencer turned and left leaving a broken, confused, and shattered Aaron behind. 

Aaron got home after saying his goodbyes. Everything was somber as Aaron walked out leaving his family behind him. He would never marry again, he wouldn’t even date anymore. He poured his love and devotion into Jack, but at night, he could sometimes be heard crying softly into a pillow for giving up the one person in the world who could have made him happy.


End file.
